In The Know: Are America's Rich Falling Behind The Super-Rich?

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Vol 43 Issue 36

Number Of Blacks In Military Down

A Defense Department report states that the percentage of blacks among active-duty recruits fell from 20 percent to 13 percent since the Afghanistan...

Loser Friend Sort Of Doing Better

ANAHEIM, CA—Despite a long history of unstable living arrangements, failed relationships, and an overall inability to get his shit together,...

Great College Football Traditions

College football is as much about pageantry and fan involvement as it is about the game. Onion Sports takes a look at some of college football's...
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TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

Fun

  • Night Out Consecrated With Opening Exchange Of High-Fives

    CHARLOTTE, NC—Kicking off the evening with their customary expression of excitement and camaraderie, a group of friends reportedly consecrated their night out on the town Friday with a ceremonial opening exchange of high-fives.

Healthy Living

  • The Onion’s Guide To Gym Etiquette

    Every new year brings a surge in gym membership from new members nicknamed “resolutionists,” many of whom may be unaware that there are unspoken rules everyone must observe when working out.

Onion Video

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