Insecure Miami Heat Can't Figure Out Who Garnett Called a "Sloppy-Chested Shit"

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Vol 48 Issue 23

The Northernmost Corner Of Your Room

Let this quiet 14-by-14-foot alcove be your sweet respite from the pile of work on your bed, the unsorted receipts on your desk, and the closet full of clothes that haven't fit you since November!

The Dunham Group

PBS 11:00 a.m. EDT/10:00 a.m. CDT Ventriloquist Jeff Dunham discusses the week's political developments with panelists Peanut, Bubba J, Achmed the Dead Terrorist, and Pat Buchanan.

Governor Too Embarrassed To Say Which State He Leads

WASHINGTON—According to event attendees, after numerous failed attempts to steer the subject away from his occupation, an American governor in town for a fundraiser Thursday at the Kennedy Center for the Performing Arts finally acknowledged he was t...

Nurse Jackie

Showtime 9:00 p.m. EDT/8:00 p.m. CDT To cover up accidentally killing a patient while high on Percocet, Nurse Jackie gets canceled.

Earthquake Late-Warning System Goes Off In Haiti

Ann Romney says her husband has a deeply principled side no one ever sees in public, physicists discover that our universe is the fictional setting of a cop show called "Hard Case," and an area man leaves a father-daughter dance with a different...
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TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

Productivity

Scientists Posit Theoretical ‘Productive Weekend’

CAMBRIDGE, MA—Challenging long-accepted scientific convention, a group of leading MIT scientists published a report Thursday positing that, under certain rare and specific conditions, a so-called “productive weekend” is theoretically pos...

Pop Culture

Man Commits To New TV Show Just Hours After Getting Out Of 7-Season Series

UNION CITY, NJ—Recommending that he give himself the chance to pause and explore the other options out there, friends of local man Jonathan Gember expressed their concerns to reporters Wednesday that the 29-year-old is already committing to a new television show just hours after getting out of a seven-season-long series.

Insecure Miami Heat Can't Figure Out Who Garnett Called a "Sloppy-Chested Shit"

In Doc and Kenny's return to GOOMF, Kevin Garnett has thrown the Heat into identity crisis, a trailblazing jockey rides directly on his horse's head, and the Braves are in the market for a 2010 Jason Heyward.

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