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Jack Daniel's Starts Marketing Directly To Children

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Entire Broncos Organization Announces Retirement After Super Bowl Win

‘There’s Nothing Better Than Going Out On Top,’ Says Every Denver Player, Coach, Executive, Trainer, Office Administrator, Janitor

SANTA CLARA, CA—Following the team’s 24-10 victory over the Carolina Panthers in Super Bowl 50, every single member of the Denver Broncos organization officially announced their retirement Sunday.

Family, Friends Concerned After Peyton Manning Wanders Away From Pocket

SANTA CLARA, CA—Admitting to being “worried sick” after realizing he had suddenly disappeared in the middle of a play, family and friends of Peyton Manning grew incredibly concerned Sunday after the veteran Denver Broncos quarterback wandered away from the pocket during the first quarter of Super Bowl 50, sources confirmed.
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Jack Daniel's Starts Marketing Directly To Children

'Let's Just See How This Goes,' Says CEO

LYNCHBURG, TN—With new ads out this week that depict 8-year-olds pouring whiskey into colorful plastic cups of lemonade while relaxing on their playroom floors, popular beverage distiller Jack Daniel’s has launched its first media campaign aimed directly at preadolescents. “We’ve been working hard to create a new image for our brand, one in which smart, sophisticated kids lounge on playground swing sets, unwind on beanbag chairs, and even jump on their beds, all while enjoying a refreshing tumbler of Jack on the rocks,” said CEO Paul Varga, adding that the brand-building effort marked the company’s first attempt to pitch hard liquor directly to the large, untapped elementary school demographic. “Some say it’s not a good idea, but at this point we’ve saturated the adult market, so we figure it’s at least worth a try. Besides, when kids come home from a long day of third grade, they’re looking for a way to take their mind off things before dinnertime comes and their parents start asking them a bunch of questions about what they learned at school that day.” Varga said that if the marketing campaign fails to win over the 6-to-10-year-old consumer, the Jack Daniel’s team would consider repackaging its flagship product in 6.75-ounce juiceboxes.

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