adBlockCheck

Jack Daniel's Starts Marketing Directly To Children

Top Headlines

Recent News

Hillary Clinton Holds Infant Grandson Upside Down By Ankle In Front Of Convention Crowd

‘Family,’ Candidate Says

PHILADELPHIA—Seeking to make her case to the nation’s voters as she accepted her party’s presidential nomination Thursday night, Hillary Clinton reportedly began her headlining address at the Democratic National Convention by holding her infant grandson, Aidan, upside down by his ankle and firmly intoning the word “Family” in front of the assembled crowd.

Hillary Clinton Waiting In Wings Of Stage Since 6 A.M. For DNC Speech

PHILADELPHIA—Saying she arrived hours before any of the members of the production crew, sources confirmed Thursday that presidential nominee Hillary Clinton has been waiting in the wings of the Wells Fargo Center stage since six o’clock this morning to deliver her speech at the Democratic National Convention.

Depressed, Butter-Covered Tom Vilsack Enters Sixth Day Of Corn Bender After Losing VP Spot

WASHINGTON—Saying she has grown increasingly concerned about her husband’s mental and physical well-being since last Friday, Christie Vilsack, the wife of Agriculture Secretary Tom Vilsack, told reporters Thursday that the despondent, butter-covered cabinet member has entered the sixth day of a destructive corn bender after being passed over for the Democratic vice presidential spot.

Superfoods: Myth Vs. Fact

Though the media often heralds certain foods as cancer-fighting or immune-building, many of these claims don’t hold up to scientific scrutiny. The Onion separates the myths from the facts regarding so-called superfoods

Cannon Overshoots Tim Kaine Across Wells Fargo Center

PHILADELPHIA—Noting that the vice presidential nominee had been launched nearly 100 feet into the air during his entrance into the Democratic National Convention Wednesday night, sources reported that the cannon at the back of the Wells Fargo Center had accidentally overshot Tim Kaine across the arena, sending him crashing to the stage several dozen feet beyond the erected safety net.
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next

Jack Daniel's Starts Marketing Directly To Children

'Let's Just See How This Goes,' Says CEO

LYNCHBURG, TN—With new ads out this week that depict 8-year-olds pouring whiskey into colorful plastic cups of lemonade while relaxing on their playroom floors, popular beverage distiller Jack Daniel’s has launched its first media campaign aimed directly at preadolescents. “We’ve been working hard to create a new image for our brand, one in which smart, sophisticated kids lounge on playground swing sets, unwind on beanbag chairs, and even jump on their beds, all while enjoying a refreshing tumbler of Jack on the rocks,” said CEO Paul Varga, adding that the brand-building effort marked the company’s first attempt to pitch hard liquor directly to the large, untapped elementary school demographic. “Some say it’s not a good idea, but at this point we’ve saturated the adult market, so we figure it’s at least worth a try. Besides, when kids come home from a long day of third grade, they’re looking for a way to take their mind off things before dinnertime comes and their parents start asking them a bunch of questions about what they learned at school that day.” Varga said that if the marketing campaign fails to win over the 6-to-10-year-old consumer, the Jack Daniel’s team would consider repackaging its flagship product in 6.75-ounce juiceboxes.

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close