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Kay Jewelers Recalls 2 Million Cursed Wedding Rings

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Teacher Who Learns More From Her Students Than She Teaches Them Fired

Explaining that her statements indicated a failure to understand and implement the district’s goal of providing a comprehensive education to all children, Southwest High School officials reportedly fired ninth-grade history teacher Jennifer Steenman today after she was heard saying she learns more from her students than they do from her. Full article.

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SAN MATEO, CA—Warning of severe consequences if he didn’t see results, Pantheon Digital Consulting COO Daniel Abelson, 59, told employees Monday he wants a relaxed, friendly company culture implemented by the end of the week, sources within the organization confirmed.

Coca-Cola Marketing Strategist Named New United States PR Laureate

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Kay Jewelers Recalls 2 Million Cursed Wedding Rings

AKRON, OH—Apologizing to customers for “any discomfort or searing of the flesh” on their ring fingers, Kay Jewelers ordered a recall Thursday of some two million cursed wedding bands sold at its 900 locations nationwide over the past several years. “We announce with great regret that a considerable portion of our inventory, mostly from the Leo Diamond and Neil Lane Bridal lines, became cursed by an ancient evil either within the mine or at some point during the casting process,” company executive Judith Stelling said, responding to widespread reports of agonizing night terrors and chronic infertility among Kay patrons. “If any wearer of Kay products has experienced partial or total blindness, nausea, intense rage upon entering a church, or has suffered a string of unexplained family tragedies, you may return the defective item to any Kay-affiliated retailer to be destroyed by a qualified priest.” Stelling added that anyone who returns a cursed ring would receive full store credit and a complimentary silver pendant from Jane Seymour’s Open Hearts collection.

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