Last-Ditch Dating Website Simply Asks Users To Check ‘Yes’ If They Have Open Sores

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Frenzied Trump Supporters Admit They’d Be Just As Happy Tearing Him To Pieces

‘We’re Just Mad And Want To Destroy Something,’ Say Candidate’s Backers

WASHINGTON—Saying they simply needed something to direct their anger toward, the nation’s frenzied Donald Trump supporters admitted Thursday that, if circumstances were different, they would be just as happy tearing the Republican frontrunner to pieces.
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Last-Ditch Dating Website Simply Asks Users To Check ‘Yes’ If They Have Open Sores

NEW YORK—Offering one-click companionship for singles who have exhausted all other options, new last-ditch dating website LastShot.com, which launched earlier this week, pairs users with a partner based solely on whether they have open sores anywhere on their body, company sources confirmed. “Just open an account, answer ‘yes’ if you have any exposed skin lesions or ‘no’ if you do not, and within seconds a name will appear on your screen as our algorithm delivers a perfect match based on your profile—it’s that easy,” said LastShot cofounder Ritchie Abramson, identifying the site’s target audience as those who have grown tired of the bar scene or other dating websites and who may or may not be covered in suppurating abscesses. “With our site, there’s no long, intrusive questionnaire process, no photos—the only thing that separates you from your potential soulmate is one simple question about any wounds or tissue infections you might have. Why not give it a shot? At this point, what do you have left to lose?” LastShot has already drawn complaints from subscribers, however, as a survey found that the majority of users tend to lie about their personal details.