Man Moving To New City Never Took Time To Truly Loathe Surroundings

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City Adds Some Big Concrete Stairs

They’re For Sitting On Or Running Up Or Something

CHICAGO—Noting the structure’s considerable size and prominent location in a busy public park, local residents confirmed Tuesday that the city had installed some big concrete stairs that were probably for sitting on or running up or something like that.
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Man Moving To New City Never Took Time To Truly Loathe Surroundings

CHICAGO—Days before he was set to relocate to Denver for work, four-year Chicago resident Paul Marsden lamented Wednesday that he never really took the time to detest the city he called home for nearly half a decade. “It’s too bad, but I never got to truly despise Chicago’s eight-month-long winters, or how the CTA takes forever and doesn’t go anywhere you need it to,” Marsden told reporters, regretting that he hadn’t devoted any time to hating how nearly every bar in the city has several giant flatscreen TVs blaring Bulls, Bears, Cubs, White Sox, or Blackhawks games. “Sure, I could go on and on about the noxious cloud of piss and stale vomit that hangs over Wrigleyville, or the faux edginess of Wicker Park, but there are so many other horrible neighborhoods I never got the chance to hate. I guess I always thought there’d be time to appreciate how awful they are.” Marsden then resolved that when he gets to Denver, he’ll start hating his new home as soon as he can.