Man Not Sure He’s Dynamic Enough To Work At Local Marketing Firm

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Vol 49 Issue 10

Iowa Fashion Week Begins

DES MOINES, IA—The greater Des Moines area was abuzz with excitement Monday as Iowa’s annual Fashion Week officially kicked off, opening a busy seven days of runway shows and clothing exhibitions showcasing Iowa’s hottest new styles from...

Albany Bucket Museum

Learn about the history of buckets with a self-guided tour through the museum's four fascinating exhibits, then sit down and watch the hourly documentary about buckets and their role in winning America's independence.

God Worried He Fucked Up His Children

THE HEAVENS—Saying that maybe He wasn’t around enough and could have expressed His divine love a little better throughout the history of mankind, Our Lord God and Almighty Father expressed concern Thursday that He might have fucked up His chil...
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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Technology Unfortunately Allows Distant Friends To Reconnect

WAYNE, PA—Providing them the tools necessary to bridge a gap that both individuals say they were more than willing to maintain indefinitely, sources confirmed Monday that the advent of modern technology has unfortunately allowed distant friends Mere...

Man Not Sure He’s Dynamic Enough To Work At Local Marketing Firm

CHARLOTTESVILLE, VA—An online listing for a job at area marketing firm BizKo Solutions has left local man Ryan Urlich unsure whether he is truly dynamic enough to qualify for the position, sources confirmed Wednesday. “I’m willing to work in a fast-paced, deadline-oriented environment, sure, but am I really a dynamic self-starter?” said the 29-year-old college graduate, adding that this is the first time he’s ever considered whether he’s “a results-driven, high-energy ‘A’ player capable of providing cutting-edge insights.” “I suppose I can reimagine a brand, but can I go into a job interview, look someone in the eye, and tell them I’m a strong strategic thinker with the creative vision to drive brand awareness in an increasingly global marketplace? I don’t know if I can.” According to reports, Urlich ultimately decided not to apply for the job, saying he needed to take a few days to “really stop and think” about how dynamic he truly is so that he doesn’t waste anyone at BizKo’s time.

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