Mayan Word For 'Apocalypse' Actually Translates More Accurately As 'Time Of Pale Obese Gun Monsters'

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Vol 48 Issue 51

2012 In Technology

The debut of the iPhone 5, the landing of NASA’s Curiosity rover on the surface of Mars, and the discovery of what is likely the Higgs boson were all major events this year.
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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FIFA Frantically Announces 2015 Summer World Cup In United States

ZURICH—After the Justice Department indicted numerous executives from world soccer’s governing body on charges of corruption and bribery, frantic and visibly nervous officials from FIFA held an impromptu press conference Wednesday to announce that the United States has been selected to host this summer’s 2015 World Cup.

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    CHARLOTTE, NC—Kicking off the evening with their customary expression of excitement and camaraderie, a group of friends reportedly consecrated their night out on the town Friday with a ceremonial opening exchange of high-fives.

Mayan Word For 'Apocalypse' Actually Translates More Accurately As 'Time Of Pale Obese Gun Monsters'

Newly revealed Mayan tablets discredit apocalypse theories but seem to predict a mindless society based on guns, football, and gluttony.

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