00:00:01.470,00:00:04.110
I'm pleased to announce that NASA has
entered the planning stages of
00:00:04.470,00:00:07.540
a mission to approach that cute girl from
the laundromat, by 2018.
00:00:08.170,00:00:12.540
Senior project scientists, Dr. Adam Thompson
and Dr. Carson Harper discovered the girl
00:00:13.050,00:00:16.950
three months ago at a Huston area, between
the driers 4 and 5.
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Giving her the name Thompson-Harper #3499102.
Dr. Thompson...
00:00:23.260,00:00:24.030
-Thank you.
00:00:24.520,00:00:27.290
According to our observations,
Thompson-Harper becomes visible for
00:00:27.690,00:00:29.790
70-90 minute intervals, every Wednesday
night.
00:00:30.300,00:00:34.770
She masses between 30-60 kilograms.
And her eyes are the color of magnesium ion-
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She's attractive. And based on observed
interactions with laundromats employees,
00:00:40.370,00:00:41.970
she's not cold or lifeless.
00:00:42.380,00:00:44.280
-The approach will be implemented in 3
phases.
00:00:44.640,00:00:46.750
1- Planning, which will take an estimated 8
years.
00:00:47.580,00:00:49.650
2- Execution. Which will take 4-12 minutes.
00:00:50.180,00:00:53.490
and 3- Results. Which, depending on the
success of phase 2,
00:00:53.890,00:00:56.590
could lead to anything from, naked showering
together, to marriage.
00:00:57.190,00:00:59.720
-The mission will cost an estimated
900 million dollars.
00:01:00.260,00:01:02.900
The Team, is in the early stages of
developing a joke,
00:01:03.300,00:01:04.930
which we can use to break the ice.
00:01:05.460,00:01:09.800
It is a casually humorous observation about
how socks seem to disappear in the drier.
00:01:10.370,00:01:14.940
-The advantages of this topic are twofold.
It is specific to the laundromat setting
00:01:15.510,00:01:18.150
and if successful, we can transition to
level 2.
00:01:18.710,00:01:22.080
In which we refer to driers as the "black
hole" for socks.
00:01:22.680,00:01:25.280
This will allow us to seg-way seamlessly
into talk of space.
00:01:25.790,00:01:27.990
A topic about which we are extremely
comfortable speaking.
00:01:28.490,00:01:32.090
-We also have a dedicated task force,
developing 20 new clothes for maximum impact
00:01:32.630,00:01:33.760
upon approach.
00:01:34.190,00:01:36.030
These projects are on track to be completed
by 2015,
00:01:36.400,00:01:39.670
and when finished, will introduce us to a
whole new world of lady interaction.
00:01:40.330,00:01:41.230
-We will now take questions.
00:01:42.640,00:01:43.280
-Yes
00:01:43.770,00:01:47.180
-How do you respond to critics who believe
the organization is risking another tragedy,
00:01:47.710,00:01:49.840
like the 2002, "girl that works at
bookstore" disaster?
00:01:50.340,00:01:51.910
-Well, none of us want to re-live that
moment.
00:01:52.310,00:01:53.820
-And we have put in place protocols for this
mission,
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that should prevent a similar outcome.
00:01:56.250,00:01:59.150
For example should the interaction become
compromised to an unsalvageable degree,
00:01:59.490,00:02:01.820
a pro-poltion ejection system, can be
deployed,
00:02:02.220,00:02:05.420
which will launch our men out of the
laundromat, and clear of any potentially
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embarrassing situation.
00:02:07.690,00:02:09.560
If that occurs we will move on to our
back-up plan.
00:02:10.000,00:02:12.740
Using the Hubble-Space Telescope to take
higher resolution photos of her,
00:02:13.130,00:02:15.430
and then masturbate furiously while hating
ourselves for it...
00:02:16.200,00:02:16.730
-Yes.
00:02:17.270,00:02:19.040
-Is this mission connected to the other NASA
mission,
00:02:19.510,00:02:20.780
to locate and marry Scarlet Johanson?
00:02:21.280,00:02:25.450
-No, that mission has been cancelled. It was
found to be impossible and just stupid...
00:02:26.010,00:02:26.810
Really, stupid.
00:02:27.350,00:02:29.040
-OK, thank you all for coming.
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