Nation Terrified After Millions Lose Consciousness For 8 Whole Hours Last Night

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Vol 50 Issue 04

Girl Scouts Introduce Gluten-Free Cookies

In an effort to better accommodate those with gluten intolerance, a number of Girl Scout troops around the country will sell a gluten-free version of their chocolate chip shortbread cookie.

Huskies Unstoppable During Cold-Weather Puppy Bowl

NEW YORK—Overcoming frigid temperatures and biting winds, a team of husky puppies overpowered and trounced the opposition Sunday during Puppy Bowl X, the first ever cold-weather Puppy Bowl. As temperatures dropped into the low twenties, puppies atte...

Seahawks vs. Broncos

The Seahawks battle the Broncos in a game that players will be treating like the Super Bowl. Onion Sports examines what each team must do to win.
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Nation Terrified After Millions Lose Consciousness For 8 Whole Hours Last Night

The nation remained in a state of fear and panic this afternoon, following confirmed reports that hundreds of millions of Americans—nearly the entire population of the country—had fully and inexplicably lost consciousness for eight hours last night.

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