NFL Concludes Ex-Players Taking Their Own Lives Because 'They Miss Football So Much'

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Vol 50 Issue 01

Food Companies Cut 6.4 Trillion Calories From Products

A study has found that a group of 16 major food companies including Kraft and Coca-Cola cut a total of 6.4 trillion calories from their products between 2007 and 2012, far exceeding their pledge to slash 1.5 trillion calories by 2015.
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Little League Pitcher Just Getting Fucking Shelled

RED BANK, NJ—After watching the 11-year-old give up the fourth straight double that inning, sources confirmed Sunday afternoon that local Little League pitcher Dustin Bauer is getting absolutely fucking shelled out there.

NFL Concludes Ex-Players Taking Their Own Lives Because 'They Miss Football So Much'

A new study from the NFL’s Head, Neck, and Spine committee finds that giving up the slam-bang action of football can lead to serious depression, violence, and suicide.

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