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    NFL Players Mentor Troubled Detroit Lions

    1:42

    Thanks to the NFL's Mentoring Program, the Lions got to spend a fun-filled day with the pros learning to catch, tackle.

    Recent News
    OSN Video Vault
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    • Area Desk Doesn't Mind If People Sit On It Like A Chair Every Once In Awhile

      3:21

      The Royal baby speaks his first words, an unambitious loser with a happy, fulfilling life still lives in his hometown, and a pool owner has a bathing suit that touched his penis you can borrow.

    • Economists: People Who Paint Selves Silver And Pretend To Be Statues Make Average Of $10 Million Per Year

      1:38

      Economists at Harvard University released a new study this week indicating that Americans who paint themselves silver and pretend to be statues in public spaces make, on average, $10 million per year.

    • Perfectly Shitty Couch Sitting On Curb

      2:33

      The nation throws its hands up and tells black teens to be careful out there, J.K. Rowling is revealed to be the pseudonym of Newt Gingrich, and the FBI is offering $1 million for any information on cheetahs.

    • FBI Offering $1 Million Reward For Any Information On Cheetahs

      1:06

      The FBI is asking any Americans with information about the eating habits, top speed, fighting abilities, or other general interest knowledge of cheetahs to contact them immediately in return for a one million dollar reward. Full Report.

    • Sesame Street: 'Bert And Ernie Are Not Gay, They Are Depraved Pansexual Perverts'

      1:06

      Producers insist that the beloved characters are merely friends and that “gay” doesn’t remotely describe their bizarre underworld of sexual deviance.

    • New Wearable Computer Also Sucks Your Dick

      1:54

      Tech Trends looks at the new Samsung Apex, a wearable computing device that streams videos into one eye, the internet into the other, and sucks your cock all at the same time.

    • Serious Coworker Puts Headphones On To Focus On Sandwich

      2:52

      Red Roof Inn announces its new Suicidal Suite, the FBI can’t bring themselves to bust a guy torrenting every season of ‘Picket Fences,’ and zoo visitors watch the mating rituals of the ice cream shop staff.

    • Red Roof Inn Announces New Suicidal Suite

      2:03

      In an effort to cater to customers who have lost the will to live, economy hotel chain Red Roof Inn officially unveiled Thursday its new Suicidal Suite available at each of their locations across the nation.

    • New Tandem Mobility Scooter Released

      2:28

      A dying kid in Houston is holding on until the Astros develop a player worth meeting, fossilized evidence reveals the Spazosaurus was the largest doofus ever to roam the earth, and a Facebook friend is apparently under the impression that Ron Paul is stil...

    • Autopsy Of A Scene: Paul Feig Points Out How Many Ghosts Are In This Scene From 'The Heat'

      1:34

      Director Paul Feig narrates a clip from his new film 'The Heat,' which he says, like 'Bridesmaids,' is a ghost story at heart.

    • 'I Would Be Absolutely Perfect For This,' Report 1,400 People Looking At Same Job Posting

      1:24

      Upon coming across the same job posting Monday for a full-time position at a local startup company, an estimated 1,400 people reportedly described the opening as “a perfect fit” for their qualifications, saying it was exactly the opportunity t...

    • Markets In Turmoil As Price Of Money Skyrockets To $90 A Dollar

      1:36

      After fluctuating wildly this morning between $1 and $35, the price of money spiked to an unprecedented $90 a dollar in afternoon trading, plunging international financial markets into chaos.

    • Milk Rushing Through Jug Handle Having The Time Of Its Life

      2:23

      McDonald's is considering franching restaurants after 70 years of being family owned and operated, the financial sector thinks it's about ready to ruin the world again, and a kidnapping is going pretty smoothly.

    • Will Season Four Of ‘Downton Abbey’ Finally Show The Wizards Using Their Powers?

      1:05

      The popular series about a castle full of wizards and magical servants has been surprisingly magic-free so far, but hopefully that will change in the fourth season.

    • The Onion Looks Back At 'The Wizard Of Oz'

      2:37

      The Onion’s movie critic Peter K. Ronsenthal examines ‘The Wizard of Oz’ in this week’s Film Standard

    • Markets In Turmoil As Price Of Money Skyrockets To $90 A Dollar

      1:36

      After fluctuating wildly this morning between $1 and $35, the price of money spiked to an unprecedented $90 a dollar in afternoon trading, plunging international financial markets into chaos.

    • Milk Rushing Through Jug Handle Having The Time Of Its Life

      2:23

      McDonald's is considering franching restaurants after 70 years of being family owned and operated, the financial sector thinks it's about ready to ruin the world again, and a kidnapping is going pretty smoothly.

    • Will Season Four Of ‘Downton Abbey’ Finally Show The Wizards Using Their Powers?

      1:05

      The popular series about a castle full of wizards and magical servants has been surprisingly magic-free so far, but hopefully that will change in the fourth season.

    • Single Woman Has Facebook Profile Picture With Sister

      2:29

      A report confirms that many Iraqis are still holding a petty grudge about the U.S. invasion, an area man is outraged his private information is being collected by someone other than advertisers, and a new study proves it is impossible to lose weight, no o...

    • Friends Don’t Understand How Man Not Depressed

      1:21

      Citing factors such as his low-paying job, lack of foreseeable prospects, and modest living conditions, sources close to local resident Karl Brewster said Thursday they are at a loss to explain his day-to-day cheerfulness in the face of such a bleak exist...

    • Brendan Fraser: 'I Would Like To Apply For One Kickstarter, Please'

      1:45

      The ‘Mummy’ star joined in on the crowdsourcing trend this week, sending an application and cover letter in to the Kickstarter headquarters.

    • Couple Keeps Marriage Together For The Sake Of No One

      2:22

      Taylor Swift enters an alternate universe to date a body building George Harrison, a study finds that 83 percent of gamblers quit right before they would have hit the big one, and an Asian guy has a separate group of Asian friends.

    • Guy 30 Seconds Into Karaoke Version Of ‘Man In The Mirror’ Better Get His Act Together

      1:58

      Sources at Charley’s Bar and Grille are reporting that local man Peter Kagan, 34, who is currently 30 seconds into a karaoke version of the 1988 Michael Jackson song “Man In The Mirror,” better get his goddamn act together sometime fucki...

    • 'The Internship' Poised To Be Biggest Comedy Of 2005

      1:51

      Critics say the upcoming Vince Vaughn, Owen Wilson film about interning at Google has everything an audience in 2005 could want in a comedy.

    • Lifeguard Hoping To Make Up For Last Summer

      2:30

      The U.S. Disc Jockey General urges Americans to get the Led out, a BuzzFeed writer resigns in disgrace after plagarizing '10 Llamas Who Wish They Were Models,' and the new and improved Google maps lets users launch missiles at any location on the globe.

    • Guy Wondering How Much Longer To Keep Picture Of Dead Friend As Profile Pic

      1:33

      SANTA CLARA, CA—With several weeks now having passed since the tragic death of his old college roommate, local man Keith Bisbee told reporters Friday he is uncertain just how long he has to continue using a photograph of his departed friend as his F...

    • Kourtney Kardashian’s Stunning Bikini Body Washes Up On Shore

      1:24

      The sexy Kardashian wowed beachgoers when her slim post-baby beach bod washed ashore Zuma Beach in Malibu.

    • Desperate Earth Begins Accelerating Rotation In Effort To Hurl Humankind Off Surface

      2:19

      The nation dredges up its last remaining reserves of grief, a study finds that anxiety can be resolved if you think about it real hard, and a woman who cracked three separate iPhone screens is expecting a baby boy this August. It's the week of May 24, 2013.

    • Soccer Officially Announces It Is Gay

      2:24

      Plagued for years by swirling rumors about its sexuality, soccer has finally come out, becoming the world's first openly gay sport.

    • Jockey Liam Hollins The Favorite To Brutally Whip Horse To Kentucky Derby Win

      2:32

      Fresh from his Blue Grass Stakes win, Hollins moves onto the Kentucky Derby where he hopes to be the first to mercilessly beat a horse across the finish line.

    • Red Sox Announce Plans To Return Fenway To Original 1912 Conditions

      1:49

      Nostalgic Sox fans will be delighted by the re-antiquated Fenway Park complete with splintered bleachers and obstructed views.

    • Kentucky Violated NCAA Rules While Recruiting Basketball-Playing Dog

      1:48

      The NCAA will investigate the Kentucky program for major recruiting violations including improper gifts of milk bones and rope tug toys.

    • Packers Fan Announces He Will Return To Drinking For Another Season

      2:40

      Chris Lukawski, a longtime devotee of the Packers and beer, is confident his battered liver and family can handle another NFL season of unrestrained alcohol consumption.

    • Fatal Staples Center Collapse Brings Merciful Early End To Clippers Game

      2:13

      People are breathing a sigh of relief today for the long-suffering spectators' sudden deaths, and for the total elimination of the Clippers' roster off the face of the earth.

    • Bad Boy Fencing Star Implicated In Yet Another Daring Jewel Heist

      2:42

      Steam Room analysts debate whether the International Fencing Federation should rein in this rogue, or if De La Croix will narrowly escape yet again.

    • NFL Players Mentor Troubled Detroit Lions

      1:42

      Thanks to the NFL's Mentoring Program, the Lions got to spend a fun-filled day with the pros learning to catch, tackle.

    • Baseball Superstar Accused of Performance-Enhancing Genie Use

      2:48

      Despite eyebrows raised by his .850 batting average and Persian oil lamp he carries everywhere, 'Magic Lamp' emphatically denies ever using a genie.

    • Evander Holyfield To Box Horse For Heavyweight Title

      2:28
      Boxing officials are hoping the once in a lifetime chance to see Holyfield try to take down thoroughbred Evening Dream will reignite interest in...
    • NHL Tries To Woo Fans By Increasing Scoring With Bigger Nets, 3-Point Line

      1:51
      Hockey officials hope to attract fans and create a higher-scoring, fast-paced game with a new aerodynamic puck and artificial turf instead of ice.
    • NCAA Expands March Madness To Include 4,096 Teams

      2:18

      Online universities and bible colleges will be among the thousands of teams vying to prove they are the best in the nation.

    • Tom Coughlin Retires From Family To Spend More Time With Team

      2:16

      The Giants Coach said he valued the years he spent with his family, but wants to focus on more important things now.

    • Yankees Building New Vacation Stadium In The Hamptons

      2:06

      The new facility will be an intimate beachfront stadium where the Yankees can go to get away from the hustle and bustle of New York City.

    • Pre-Game Coin Toss Makes Jacksonville Jaguars Realize Randomness Of Life

      2:32

      After comprehending the capricious nature of fate, the Jaguars could not go through with the charade of playing a meaningless football game.

    • 2-Year-Old Donkey Called Up To Pro Donkey Basketball League

      2:05

      Scouts say Scraps is the best donkey basketball player they have seen in years, but some are concerned he’s not mature enough for the big time.

    • NHL Star Called Up To Big Leagues To Play For NFL Team

      1:42

      The Miami Dolphins have drafted NHL star Alexander Ovechkin, making his dream to play professional sports a reality.

    • Ngyuen Thi Buch Thuy: 'Just Give Me The Damn Sepak Takraw Ball'

      2:05

      Sepak takraw fan favorite Nguyen Thi Buch Thuy has once again angered Coach Lap with his antics on the pitch.

    • NASCAR Coach Reveals Winning Strategy: 'Drive Fast'

      2:41

      On the eve of the Sears Classic 500, legendary NASCAR coach Dan Amon shares his strategy for driving really fast in circles.

    Onion Review

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    Serious Coworker Puts Headphones On To Focus On Sandwich

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    New Tandem Mobility Scooter Released

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    Red Roof Inn Announces New Suicidal Suite

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    Sesame Street: 'Bert And Ernie Are Not Gay, They Are Depraved Pansexual Perverts'

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    Xbox One Capable Of Controlling Users With Simple Voice Commands

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