Obama Urges Citizens To Hide Evidence Of Our Formerly Prosperous Lives From Nation's Young Children

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Vol 48 Issue 07

Oh Fuck, What The Fuck Is That?

Animal 7 p.m. EST/6 p.m. CST A woman talks about the time she saw what had to be a centipede just sitting there in her bathroom—covered in fur and the size of her fucking arm—but when she came back it was gone and that's even more terrifying.

Smug New Mom Going To Start A Blog

SAN FRANCISCO—Three days after giving birth, first-time mother Courtney Baldritch has registered with the web service WordPress for the purpose of blogging the severely underdocumented experience of child-rearing.

Come Away With Me

Fox 9 p.m. EST/8 p.m. CST Norah Jones sips a glass of wine and watches people have sex to Norah Jones songs.

FCC Blocks GPS-Jamming Broadband

Fearing it would interfere with GPS devices, the Federal Communications Commission is revoking the permit of the company LightSquared to build a nationwide wireless broadband network.
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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Little League Pitcher Just Getting Fucking Shelled

RED BANK, NJ—After watching the 11-year-old give up the fourth straight double that inning, sources confirmed Sunday afternoon that local Little League pitcher Dustin Bauer is getting absolutely fucking shelled out there.

Obama Urges Citizens To Hide Evidence Of Our Formerly Prosperous Lives From Nation's Young Children

Movie fans demand to see new Heath Ledger performance in 'Dark Knight Rises,' a truly authentic Mexican restaurant is shut down immediately, and another dead body is tossed on a heap somewhere. It's the week of February 13, 2012.

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