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    Sunshine And High Temps In L.A. Make It Another Perfect Day To Be Greg Kinnear

    1:54

    The Onion Weather Center provides its forecast for Los Angeles, where it’s another marvelous day to be Academy Award-nominated actor Greg Kinnear; temperatures are perfect for Greg Kinnear to lounge outside with his lovely wife Helen; and a 10 perce...

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    Onion Weather Center
    All Videos
    • New Wearable Computer Also Sucks Your Dick

      1:54

      Tech Trends looks at the new Samsung Apex, a wearable computing device that streams videos into one eye, the internet into the other, and sucks your cock all at the same time.

    • Autopsy Of A Scene: Paul Feig Points Out How Many Ghosts Are In This Scene From 'The Heat'

      1:34

      Director Paul Feig narrates a clip from his new film 'The Heat,' which he says, like 'Bridesmaids,' is a ghost story at heart.

    • 'I Would Be Absolutely Perfect For This,' Report 1,400 People Looking At Same Job Posting

      1:24

      Upon coming across the same job posting Monday for a full-time position at a local startup company, an estimated 1,400 people reportedly described the opening as “a perfect fit” for their qualifications, saying it was exactly the opportunity t...

    • Markets In Turmoil As Price Of Money Skyrockets To $90 A Dollar

      1:36

      After fluctuating wildly this morning between $1 and $35, the price of money spiked to an unprecedented $90 a dollar in afternoon trading, plunging international financial markets into chaos.

    • Milk Rushing Through Jug Handle Having The Time Of Its Life

      2:23

      McDonald's is considering franching restaurants after 70 years of being family owned and operated, the financial sector thinks it's about ready to ruin the world again, and a kidnapping is going pretty smoothly.

    • Will Season Four Of ‘Downton Abbey’ Finally Show The Wizards Using Their Powers?

      1:05

      The popular series about a castle full of wizards and magical servants has been surprisingly magic-free so far, but hopefully that will change in the fourth season.

    • The Onion Looks Back At 'The Wizard Of Oz'

      2:37

      The Onion’s movie critic Peter K. Ronsenthal examines ‘The Wizard of Oz’ in this week’s Film Standard

    • Markets In Turmoil As Price Of Money Skyrockets To $90 A Dollar

      1:36

      After fluctuating wildly this morning between $1 and $35, the price of money spiked to an unprecedented $90 a dollar in afternoon trading, plunging international financial markets into chaos.

    • Milk Rushing Through Jug Handle Having The Time Of Its Life

      2:23

      McDonald's is considering franching restaurants after 70 years of being family owned and operated, the financial sector thinks it's about ready to ruin the world again, and a kidnapping is going pretty smoothly.

    • Will Season Four Of ‘Downton Abbey’ Finally Show The Wizards Using Their Powers?

      1:05

      The popular series about a castle full of wizards and magical servants has been surprisingly magic-free so far, but hopefully that will change in the fourth season.

    • Single Woman Has Facebook Profile Picture With Sister

      2:29

      A report confirms that many Iraqis are still holding a petty grudge about the U.S. invasion, an area man is outraged his private information is being collected by someone other than advertisers, and a new study proves it is impossible to lose weight, no o...

    • Friends Don’t Understand How Man Not Depressed

      1:21

      Citing factors such as his low-paying job, lack of foreseeable prospects, and modest living conditions, sources close to local resident Karl Brewster said Thursday they are at a loss to explain his day-to-day cheerfulness in the face of such a bleak exist...

    • Brendan Fraser: 'I Would Like To Apply For One Kickstarter, Please'

      1:45

      The ‘Mummy’ star joined in on the crowdsourcing trend this week, sending an application and cover letter in to the Kickstarter headquarters.

    • Couple Keeps Marriage Together For The Sake Of No One

      2:22

      Taylor Swift enters an alternate universe to date a body building George Harrison, a study finds that 83 percent of gamblers quit right before they would have hit the big one, and an Asian guy has a separate group of Asian friends.

    • Guy 30 Seconds Into Karaoke Version Of ‘Man In The Mirror’ Better Get His Act Together

      1:58

      Sources at Charley’s Bar and Grille are reporting that local man Peter Kagan, 34, who is currently 30 seconds into a karaoke version of the 1988 Michael Jackson song “Man In The Mirror,” better get his goddamn act together sometime fucki...

    • 'The Internship' Poised To Be Biggest Comedy Of 2005

      1:51

      Critics say the upcoming Vince Vaughn, Owen Wilson film about interning at Google has everything an audience in 2005 could want in a comedy.

    • Lifeguard Hoping To Make Up For Last Summer

      2:30

      The U.S. Disc Jockey General urges Americans to get the Led out, a BuzzFeed writer resigns in disgrace after plagarizing '10 Llamas Who Wish They Were Models,' and the new and improved Google maps lets users launch missiles at any location on the globe.

    • Guy Wondering How Much Longer To Keep Picture Of Dead Friend As Profile Pic

      1:33

      SANTA CLARA, CA—With several weeks now having passed since the tragic death of his old college roommate, local man Keith Bisbee told reporters Friday he is uncertain just how long he has to continue using a photograph of his departed friend as his F...

    • Kourtney Kardashian’s Stunning Bikini Body Washes Up On Shore

      1:24

      The sexy Kardashian wowed beachgoers when her slim post-baby beach bod washed ashore Zuma Beach in Malibu.

    • Desperate Earth Begins Accelerating Rotation In Effort To Hurl Humankind Off Surface

      2:19

      The nation dredges up its last remaining reserves of grief, a study finds that anxiety can be resolved if you think about it real hard, and a woman who cracked three separate iPhone screens is expecting a baby boy this August. It's the week of May 24, 2013.

    • Xbox One Capable Of Controlling Users With Simple Voice Commands

      1:11

      Microsoft says their new Xbox features a host of simple voice commands that will easily control and instruct gamers.

    • Obama Aims To Limit Civilian Casualties With Switch To Taser Drones

      0:58

      President Obama announced today that he plans to reduce drone casualties by replacing missiles with high-range 11 megavolt tasers.

    • Study: Anxiety Resolved By Thinking About It Real Hard

      1:29

      Potentially offering hope to millions of Americans struggling with psychological and emotional problems, a study published this week in The New England Journal Of Medicine found that test subjects were capable of fully resolving their anxiety by thinking ...

    • Web Series Reaches 100 Views

      2:16

      A comedic webisode about two roommates became a viral sensation this week after reaching the unprecedented 100 view milestone.

    • Tim Allen, Mark Wahlberg, And Tara Reid Spotted At Starbucks Discussing Oh God What Are They Planning?

      2:22

      The trio spent hours talking, prompting Hollywood to worry that they could be working on a project together.

    • Every Glass In Grandmother’s Cupboard Visibly Filthy

      2:52

      Sasha Obama becomes suspicious after doing a little digging around on Benghazi, this has to be the year a local miniature golf course goes out of business, and a dude with a knit hat at a party calls beer 'libations.' It's the week of May 17, 2013

    • Sponsored Content Pretty Fucking Awesome

      1:16

      Media consumers across the United States are reporting this week that sponsored content—articles and videos paid for by advertisers and distributed by print and digital publications—is easily the coolest ... Full Report

    • Possum Gazes Longingly At Family Walking Dog

      2:26

      A heartbroken Chris Brown always thought Rihanna was the woman he'd beat to death, a mentally unstable man is planning on exhibiting one or two more warning signs before finally doing this, and a snooze button time travler sets his coordinates for 5-minut...

    • Weather Forecast Says It's Windy As A Bastard

      1:21

      Jim and Tracy throw to a local weatherman who reports it sure is windy as shit today.

    • Nauseatingly Precious NYC Couples To Walk Around In Rain

      4:03

      The Onion Weather Center looks at New York City where heavy rain causes obnoxious loving couples to come out and walk around the city like a bunch of assholes who have never seen rain before, and an impending blackout gives the city's working class its...

    • Scattered Deaths Of Elderly Floridians Expected Throughout The Week

      2:07

      The Onion Weather Center provides its forecast for Sarasota, Florida where it’s partly cloudy and 84 degrees; Louise Covert, 79, is dead from complications with diabetes; conditions will feel muggy with 80 percent humidity and oh, 98-year-olds Jimm...

    • We Dumb It Down The Best We Can For Our Viewers In The Deep South

      3:30

      The Onion Weather Center delivers a very special weather report for all of our very special viewers in the Deep South, who require a little extra attention to help them understand that really big numbers mean hot temperatures.

    • Chief Meteorologist Mike Matthias Gives The Nightly Forecast For His Ex-Wife Sara

      2:42

      The Onion Weather Center takes a look at the weather in the Pacific Northwest, specifically Mill Plain, WA where Sara now lives with the kids and that piece-of-shit new husband of hers, who thinks he's the boy’s father just because he's taking hi...

    • Bostonians Urged To Speak Like Normal Human Beings When Communicating With Flood Rescue Personnel

      2:57

      The Onion Weather Center focuses on the Northeast, where it's a perfect day for a wealthy brat to fall off her daddy's horse; flood-ridden Bostonians are urged to use actual words when asking relief workers for help; and the region's minorities are once a...

    • Arizona Heatwave Forces Temporary Suspension Of Racial Profiling

      2:22

      The Onion Weather Center looks at the southwest where sweltering heat in Arizona will force law enforcement officials to suspend racial profiling for the day; a tornado bearing down on Dallas will hopefully wipe out the city and its atrocious citizens; an...

    • Sunshine And High Temps In L.A. Make It Another Perfect Day To Be Greg Kinnear

      1:54

      The Onion Weather Center provides its forecast for Los Angeles, where it’s another marvelous day to be Academy Award-nominated actor Greg Kinnear; temperatures are perfect for Greg Kinnear to lounge outside with his lovely wife Helen; and a 10 perce...

    • Extreme Storms To Rip Through Godforsaken Midwestern Wasteland

      3:09

      The Onion Weather Center focuses on the Midwest, where a storm system should recede into the distance like any hope of a stable economic future; a tornado bears down on a podunk, backwater hick town; and field reporter Matt Jennings is live from God knows where.

    StarFix

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    Will Season Four Of ‘Downton Abbey’ Finally Show The Wizards Using Their Powers?

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    Brendan Fraser: 'I Would Like To Apply For One Kickstarter, Please'

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    'The Internship' Poised To Be Biggest Comedy Of 2005

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    The Onion Looks Back At 'The Wizard Of Oz'

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    Single Woman Has Facebook Profile Picture With Sister

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