adBlockCheck

Open Relationship Gives Couple Freedom To Emotionally Drain Other People From Time To Time

Top Headlines

Recent News

Report: Well, Here We Go

WASHINGTON—With Donald Trump’s two remaining GOP rivals suspending their candidacies and clearing a path for the billionaire businessman to assume the Republican presidential nomination, reports indicated Wednesday that, well, hoo boy, here we go.

Ted Cruz Dressed For Campaign Rally By Swarm Of Loyal Vermin

INDIANAPOLIS—In what has reportedly become a daily routine on the campaign trail, Republican presidential candidate Ted Cruz stood alone in the center of his hotel suite Tuesday morning where he was carefully dressed and groomed by a swarm of loyal vermin.

Facebook’s Plans For The Future

From instant articles to live video, Facebook continues to look for new ways to expand its reach and offerings. Here are some plans on the horizon for the social media giant

The Pros And Cons Of Taking A Gap Year

Malia Obama will wait a year between graduating high school and attending Harvard in 2017, in what is becoming a rising trend among American students. Here are the pros and cons of taking a gap year:

God Loses Pouch Filled With Crystals That Give Him Powers

THE HEAVENS—Grumbling to Himself as He frantically retraced His steps across the Heavens, God Almighty, He Who Commanded Light to Shine out of Darkness, admitted to reporters Monday that He had somehow managed to lose the pouch containing the enchanted crystals that give Him His powers.

Man Practices Haircut Request Before Heading To Barber

MINNEAPOLIS—Having scripted a set of lines he hoped to deliver with confidence and decisiveness, local 34-year-old Jason Clyne carefully rehearsed his haircut request several times Friday before heading to his local barbershop, sources confirmed.
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next
TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

Holidays

Good Eating

Open Relationship Gives Couple Freedom To Emotionally Drain Other People From Time To Time

SCARSDALE, NY—Local couple Alison Fry and Peter Hartman told reporters Thursday they have both been pleased since opening up their relationship, saying the exciting new arrangement allowed them the freedom to psychologically wear down other people. “We decided that, at this point, we’re both comfortable enough with each other that we can go outside of the relationship and explore making someone else completely miserable, all while knowing that the two of us are the ones we truly care about devastating emotionally,” Fry explained of the agreement, which allows her and Hartman to guiltlessly seek out additional partners and burden them with their insecurities. “At first, I wasn’t sure if overwhelming other people with our respective selfishness and emotional neediness was for us. But now that we’ve started, it’s actually really liberating to know that while we can mentally drain others on the side, there will always be that deep, strained emotional tension between Peter and I that we will always return to. It’s been really great.” Fry added that if the arrangement worked out well, the couple may consider having a three-way screaming argument.

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close