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Open Relationship Gives Couple Freedom To Emotionally Drain Other People From Time To Time

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Entire Broncos Organization Announces Retirement After Super Bowl Win

‘There’s Nothing Better Than Going Out On Top,’ Says Every Denver Player, Coach, Executive, Trainer, Office Administrator, Janitor

SANTA CLARA, CA—Following the team’s 24-10 victory over the Carolina Panthers in Super Bowl 50, every single member of the Denver Broncos organization officially announced their retirement Sunday.

Family, Friends Concerned After Peyton Manning Wanders Away From Pocket

SANTA CLARA, CA—Admitting to being “worried sick” after realizing he had suddenly disappeared in the middle of a play, family and friends of Peyton Manning grew incredibly concerned Sunday after the veteran Denver Broncos quarterback wandered away from the pocket during the first quarter of Super Bowl 50, sources confirmed.
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Ugh, This A Place Where Bartenders Wear Bow Tie

PITTSBURGH—Saying they should have known from the moment they walked in the unmarked speakeasy entrance and spotted the extensive wood paneling, customers confirmed Friday that, ugh, this is one of those places where the bartenders all wear bow ties.

Open Relationship Gives Couple Freedom To Emotionally Drain Other People From Time To Time

SCARSDALE, NY—Local couple Alison Fry and Peter Hartman told reporters Thursday they have both been pleased since opening up their relationship, saying the exciting new arrangement allowed them the freedom to psychologically wear down other people. “We decided that, at this point, we’re both comfortable enough with each other that we can go outside of the relationship and explore making someone else completely miserable, all while knowing that the two of us are the ones we truly care about devastating emotionally,” Fry explained of the agreement, which allows her and Hartman to guiltlessly seek out additional partners and burden them with their insecurities. “At first, I wasn’t sure if overwhelming other people with our respective selfishness and emotional neediness was for us. But now that we’ve started, it’s actually really liberating to know that while we can mentally drain others on the side, there will always be that deep, strained emotional tension between Peter and I that we will always return to. It’s been really great.” Fry added that if the arrangement worked out well, the couple may consider having a three-way screaming argument.

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