Paleontologists Discover Skeleton Of Nature’s First Sexual Predator
Paleontologists believe the intact skeleton could shed light on the bizarre fetishes of this pervert dinosaur.
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The scientific community is buzzing
following the announcement that
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archaeologists in Argentina
have uncovered the first complete skeleton
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of the world's oldest
sexual predator.
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According to the team of archaeologists,
the discovery of a full skeleton
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of Pervatasaurus Leroy,
the first dinosaur species
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known to stalk another
not for food,
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but for sexual satisfaction,
could, "...shed light on any number
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of mysteries surrounding
this ancient lecherous creature."
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Joining us now from Argentina
is the lead paleontologist on the dig,
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Andrew Vaughn.
- Hello.
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Dr. Vaughn, the pervatasaurus
looks a bit like the Tyrannosaurus Rex.
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Are the two related?
- Yes. They're both members
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of the Therepod sub order,
but the pervatasaurus is smaller
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and much, much creepier.
- Now, how did you and your team
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make this monumental discovery.
- Oh, well, the skeleton was discovered
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in a dank, subterranean cave
far away from any of the other
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dinosaur fossils we excavated.
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The large number of well
preserved footprints suggests
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the pervatasaurus spent
the majority of its time
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there in the cave, just pacing
back and forth alone.
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So, it was basically a solitary creature.
- Oh, for the most part, yes.
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The pervatasaurus seemed to only approach
other dinosaurs
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when they were in large
groups,
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which allowed the pervatasaurus to
stealthily creep between their bodies
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and rub himself up against them.
- It's incredible.
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All of my research indicates that it
really liked mud and slick surfaces
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and would often submerge
half of its body in mud,
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while groping its own genitals
and mumbling to itself.
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Now, it was long thought,
it was my understanding at least,
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that the pervatasaurus was a carnivore.
- Oh that was a misconception.
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By studying the pervatasaurus
fossilized feces,
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which we found neatly stacked
in symmetrical piles in the cave,
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we discovered that the pervatasaurus
was in fact a herbivore.
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So it was a scavenger of sorts then.
- Oh yes.
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We have discovered drag marks
near several caves
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indicating the pervatasaurus
likely lured smaller dinosaurs
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back to its cave, but the lack of skeletons
suggest the pervatasaurus
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didn't kill and eat them,
but only watched them as it masturbated.
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Well, it's remarkable. Thanks for
being with us, Dr. Vaughn.
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Congratulations on your find.
- Thank you.
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Moving on, accusations of steroid use
are calling into question the legitimacy
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of many of the world's
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