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Parents Honor Dead Son's Memory By Keeping Up His Awful Blog

When their son, Geoff, passed away, Mary and Steve Patterson decided to honor his memory by keeping up Geoff's Tumblr where he made fun of shitbirds, fatties, and asswipes.

Beyond The Facts When 16 year old Geoffrey Patterson died in a car accident in February, he didn't just leave behind grieving friends and family, he also left a significant web presence. In a tribute to their son, Geoff's parents have continued to update their son's blogs and social media sites, including a Tumblr blog called Shitbirds Shitbirds Everywhere. Geoff used his blog to make fun of stupid shitbirds, and now that we're doing this it's like part of him is still alive. Yes. And now when I post a picture of some shitbird who has a stupid ankle tattoo or wears some retarded hat, I feel like somewhere he's smiling. He hated retarded hats so much. -He did. Every morning Steve and Mary comb the internet for images to update Geoff's blogs. Ah, check out that shitbird. What a shitbird. Whenever we get a comment calling Geoff a dumb fag for making fun of a handicapped person on a Rascal scooter, it's like he's still here. Most social media platforms provide a digital comfort for those who are experiencing loss. In fact Facebook just announced a way to have your loved one's last status update engraved on their tombstone. But for Mary and Steve Patterson Geoff is still very much alive in their hearts and online. We just got this photo sent to us of this big fatso tripping. And he's like mid-fall when the picture was taken so he's all like... Yes, and his stomach is all out and everything. Geoff would have gotten such a kick out of that fat shitbird. He really would have. For Beyond The Facts, I'm Jean Anne Wharton.
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Anchor Bios

  • Brooke Alvarez

    As the host of FactZone, Brooke Alvarez is one of the world's most recognizable news figures. Growing up in Russia, Brooke dreamed of being famous and powerful. She emigrated to U.S., erased all trace of her Russian accent within three weeks, and began her systematic ascent to the top of the news industry. The details of this rapid climb through the various lesser networks to end up at the Onion News Network was the subject of "The Devil Incarnate" a book refuted by Brooke as "the pathetic scrawlings of a bitter and jealous acne-scarred half-reporter."


    A prolific Twitter user, Brooke tweets 20 to 40 times a day, often while her guests are talking. She's appeared as herself in more than a dozen motion pictures although there is some debate whether she understood that the words on her teleprompter were fictional and where they would eventually appear. Brooke owns five corgi dogs, her favorite food is kale, and she is married to author Thomas Pynchon.


    Brooke is active in charity work, having formed a foundation to teach newscaster dialect to young urban teens. She's politically motivated as well, publicly campaigning against wind farms whenever her schedule allows.


    While the media has made much of her long-standing feuds with both Wolf Blitzer and Yo Yo Ma, Brooke insists she is easy to get along with as long as everyone understands their place.


    Brooke stays healthy and happy by swimming 20 miles each day in the resistance pool in her office.

  • Jim Haggerty

    As co-host of the Onion News Network’s top-rated morning show, Today Now!, Jim Haggerty is no stranger to adventure. On the show, Haggerty has entered NASA simulators, sky-dived into the Grand Canyon, and chewed coca leaves with a group of Peruvian folk musicians who had appeared on the show. Haggerty’s busy schedule doesn’t stop him from pursuing side ventures. He has his own line of men’s fashions, is the spokesman for the EZ Car Vacuum Kit and authored "The Gentleman's Guide To Backyard Grilling." Haggerty studied Psychology at Arizona State University and spent his summers working at a local Renaissance Fair. After college, he moved to New York City and enrolled in a night-school program in broadcasting. His first big break was hosting the Onion Broadcasting Channel talent competition, "Dance, Dance, America, Dance."

  • Shelby Cross

    Former prosecutor Shelby Cross takes no prisoners in her quest for justice. Whether she's berating a grieving mother for allowing her infant son to get murdered or advising viewers on how to make themselves unappealing to date rapists, Shelby Cross has your back.

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    As the co-host of the highest-rated morning show on the Onion News Network, Tracy Gill has interviewed thousands of celebrities, public figures, and newsworthy widows. Listed as one of Forbes’ Fiftysomething Most Powerful Women In Television, Gill founded the charity "Umbrellas Of Love" which seeks to spread the word about the dangers of flying debris through ad campaigns and educational programs. (Gill's own childhood friend was killed by an errant piece of plywood while waterskiing.) In order to meet the demanding schedule for Today Now!, Tracy generally only sleeps three hours a day, rising at 2 a.m. to begin the drive to the Onion News Network studios. Gill is the subject of an in-depth biography, “Over the Flames an Eagle Soared: The Tracy Gill Story,” which addressed media claims she is a cutthroat opportunist. In defense of Gill, the author likens Gill to an eagle -- a beautiful and respected figure, but one that must protect itself to survive. Gill is currently married to wealthy television mogul Bob Johanson.

  • Tucker Hope

    Co-hosting FactZone is a dream come true for Tucker Hope. Not only does it give Tucker the chance to work side-by-side with the most respected name and most beautiful face in news, it provides the opportunity to use the touchscreen manipulation skills he has been honing since junior high on a touchscreen set up in his family's living room. In fact, Tucker was home-schooled to allow him to focus on perfecting his pinching and zooming and practicing his pronunciation of "Mahmoud Ahmadinejad." In order to be at the ready or perhaps to keep an eye over his touchscreen, Tucker never leaves the studio, sleeping on a cot he set up behind his Recon Wall. Due to a contract stipulation created by Brooke, Tucker doesn't get paid by the Onion News Network but receives whatever the gracious FactZone host herself feels like he earned that week.