00:00:00.000,00:00:03.000 Captions by www.SubPLY.com . . . . . . . . . . . . . 00:00:00.570,00:00:01.840 Good morning everyone. We have a lot to cover today, 00:00:02.240,00:00:03.780 so I'm going to quickly run through the President's schedule, 00:00:04.200,00:00:05.400 and then we'll take some questions after that. 00:00:06.140,00:00:09.610 At approximately 8:06 am the president will be welcomed by one of his closest advisors 00:00:10.940,00:00:14.140 who will tell him, Mr. president, a giant monster has entered Manhattan. 00:00:14.620,00:00:17.990 And then at 8:45 am, after receiving a briefing on the situation, 00:00:18.180,00:00:20.750 the president will meet with members of his ethnically diverse staff 00:00:21.390,00:00:23.090 around a large circular table in a dimly lit room, 00:00:23.520,00:00:26.720 where he then will have to decide whether to trust his militaristic defense secretary, 00:00:27.130,00:00:31.730 or his brilliant, but troubled scientific... advisor, who will then claim 00:00:32.130,00:00:34.430 that a traditional military assault will not work on the monster. 00:00:35.140,00:00:37.040 The president will listen to both sides of the argument, of course. 00:00:37.440,00:00:40.810 And then at 8:57 am, the president will push himself back from the table, 00:00:41.280,00:00:44.250 pause for a moment and then in a tone, both wistful and strong, 00:00:44.830,00:00:46.300 say, "send in the marines". 00:00:47.200,00:00:50.780 At 9:45 am, the president and his advisors will huddle around a screen 00:00:51.250,00:00:52.950 where they will actually follow the battle in real time. 00:00:54.090,00:00:56.860 They will then listen in on a radio communication from a handsome young marine 00:00:57.060,00:01:00.060 with a beautiful pregnant wife, who will inform them it's not working. 00:01:00.530,00:01:02.300 This thing is like nothing we've ever seen before. 00:01:02.930,00:01:04.360 It's getting stronger by the minute. 00:01:04.560,00:01:05.830 Oh, no. It's coming toward us. 00:01:06.870,00:01:09.040 The radio will then go dead and after a hushed silence 00:01:09.640,00:01:11.710 the president will ask to be left alone. 00:01:11.920,00:01:16.250 At 10:04 am clouds will begin to roll in, casting shadows across the president's face. 00:01:16.680,00:01:21.350 And at 10:05 am the president will then stare at several pictures of previous presidents 00:01:21.750,00:01:23.850 on the wall, looking for answers that will never come. 00:01:24.280,00:01:26.230 For the answers will have been inside him all along, 00:01:26.450,00:01:29.630 which he will then find out at approximately 11:15 am. 00:01:30.570,00:01:33.160 And at 1:15 pm the president will meet with his science advisor, 00:01:33.360,00:01:34.660 that he had previously ignored. 00:01:35.450,00:01:38.060 And once they burry the hatchet on a decade's old romantic rivalry, 00:01:38.500,00:01:43.000 the science advisor will recommend an incredibly risky, far-fetched plan to kill the monster. 00:01:43.800,00:01:45.030 The defense secretary will object. 00:01:45.640,00:01:48.410 The president will silence him with a motion of his hand and then ask the secret service 00:01:48.880,00:01:50.380 to escort the secretary out. 00:01:51.210,00:01:54.250 The president will then turn to his science advisor and say: let's do it. 00:01:54.970,00:01:58.900 At approximately 2:00 pm, after a cross section of Americans of every race, religion and age, 00:01:59.560,00:02:01.350 come together to pray and comfort each other, 00:02:01.790,00:02:03.790 the science advisor's plan will be put into action. 00:02:04.190,00:02:06.560 And at first it will appear to have no affect on the monster, 00:02:06.760,00:02:09.930 but at 2:10 pm it will become clear that the monster is weakening, 00:02:10.360,00:02:13.530 until it finally dies two minutes later, in a fireball at 2:12 pm. 00:02:15.070,00:02:18.910 At 2:30 pm, then our president and the science advisor will shake hands, 00:02:19.110,00:02:22.810 in an emotionally charged moment. And the science advisor's estranged wife, 00:02:23.010,00:02:28.780 who miraculously survived the attack in Manhattan will realize she never stopped loving him. 00:02:30.080,00:02:33.890 And then two summers from now the president will repeat this schedule, 00:02:34.190,00:02:37.230 but with better production values and shittier writing. 00:02:37.790,00:02:43.060 Still Ahead Congress Welcomes Animal trainer Mike Chadwin