00:00:00.000,00:00:03.000 Captions by www.SubPLY.com . . . . . . . . . . . . . 00:00:03.210,00:00:04.770 If you haven't felt the pinch yet, you will soon. 00:00:04.970,00:00:08.040 As of today, the average cost of a pack of cigarettes has gone up to 00:00:08.280,00:00:09.850 2 handjobs and a stick of beef jerky. 00:00:10.310,00:00:11.940 For more, we're going on to Onion News Network 00:00:12.140,00:00:13.810 Prison Economics Expert, Hal Rogen. 00:00:14.150,00:00:17.430 Hal, I never thought I'd see the day when cigarettes cost more than one handjob. 00:00:17.620,00:00:19.050 Why the sudden spike now? 00:00:19.320,00:00:22.320 Well, most analysts are tracing it back to the brother's pop off at St. Quinton, Friday. 00:00:23.060,00:00:26.500 The lock down that resulted there cut cigarette imports up to 66% 00:00:26.690,00:00:27.790 across the West Coast System. 00:00:28.130,00:00:29.600 That's a much steeper drop off than anyone saw it coming. 00:00:29.960,00:00:31.260 Oh, you better believe it. But of course, 00:00:31.530,00:00:33.260 we shouldn't discount the recent influx of punks at Chino. 00:00:33.500,00:00:36.400 According to reports, more than 80% of these were official 'greeners', 00:00:36.740,00:00:39.510 willing to give 2 handjobs and a stick of beef jerky for a pack of rollies. 00:00:39.860,00:00:41.810 And their rejuberance is what's causing the increases we're seeing 00:00:42.010,00:00:43.580 in so many other sectors today, from baby oil, to trazors, 00:00:43.810,00:00:45.480 to chess sets, condoms, bars of soap. 00:00:45.680,00:00:47.650 Yes, yes. Absolutely. Look, the prison economy runs on cigarettes. 00:00:47.930,00:00:49.940 They're involved in every economic transaction at some stage. 00:00:50.180,00:00:52.950 From contract killings, to naked woman picture acquisition. 00:00:53.290,00:00:54.760 That's why we've got shampoo at 6 batteries. 00:00:55.090,00:00:56.590 We've got tattoos at 50 commissary stamps. 00:00:57.160,00:00:59.160 Slocks at a steak and a muff bag. - That's incredible. 00:00:59.360,00:01:00.850 How nervous are investors at this point? 00:01:01.230,00:01:03.110 Well, it's hard to tell since most of them have trained themselves, 00:01:03.220,00:01:04.240 to never show fear. - Of course. 00:01:04.360,00:01:06.560 But really, there were a lot of jitters across the market this morning, 00:01:06.770,00:01:08.670 after reports came that the impending Chiva deal 00:01:08.870,00:01:10.910 between Rico Perez and Bones Goreman was called off, 00:01:11.300,00:01:13.370 after Pigeon told Hacks to put Bones on shit watch. 00:01:14.110,00:01:15.580 Now, for what it's really like out there on the market, 00:01:15.780,00:01:18.400 let's check in with major cigarette trader, Big Dap Ramirez. 00:01:18.510,00:01:19.910 Big Dap, nice to see you again. - Thanks. 00:01:20.280,00:01:21.550 It's real good to see you. What's happening Hal? 00:01:21.820,00:01:22.620 How's it going Big Dap? 00:01:23.150,00:01:24.550 Now, it's obviously a boom time time for cigarettes, right now. 00:01:25.060,00:01:26.000 I'm getting a lot of handjobs. 00:01:26.390,00:01:28.960 But with prices this high, analysis shows your gonna be seeing a drop off in real sales 00:01:29.190,00:01:31.090 as soon as consumers turn to smoking grass *** 00:01:31.520,00:01:33.220 Look, we've been through this before. 00:01:33.730,00:01:34.490 The market teaches us not to panic. 00:01:34.600,00:01:36.530 To follow anything in this game, is that a wife or girlfriend 00:01:36.730,00:01:38.070 will pass off a few decks in a bone yard. 00:01:38.530,00:01:40.460 Supply will normalize. And we'll see cigarettes returning 00:01:40.700,00:01:43.110 to a single handjob or less. - Let's hope so. 00:01:43.210,00:01:45.440 You say Dap, on the interim, what are investors, like yourself, supposed to do? 00:01:45.640,00:01:48.580 All I can say is, monitor your assets carefully. 00:01:49.300,00:01:51.850 This morning, I got stabbed with a sharpened toothbrush by this bitch Jango, 00:01:52.180,00:01:55.520 who tried to crib my supply. I fucked him up bad in the library, 00:01:55.880,00:01:58.280 but hey, that's the way the markets gonna be for awhile. 00:01:58.730,00:02:00.460 It is. - Alright Big Dap, best of luck to you. 00:02:00.650,00:02:03.040 We'll keep checking in on the story with Hal, throughout the day. 00:02:03.140,00:02:03.760 Thanks Rick. 00:02:04.110,00:02:05.830 Moving on to some happier news, in Atlanta today, 00:02:06.120,00:02:07.860 two snitches were beaten to death.