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    Rep. Seeks Retroactive Immunity For Anyone Who Hit On First Lady Last Night

    1:38

    Rep. Bruce Durant proposes a bill protecting anyone who who may have had a little too much to drink at a White House event and called Michelle Obama a "beautiful queen."

    Recent News
    O-SPAN
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    • The Onion Looks Back At 'The Wizard Of Oz'

      2:37

      The Onion’s movie critic Peter K. Ronsenthal examines ‘The Wizard of Oz’ in this week’s Film Standard

    • Single Woman Has Facebook Profile Picture With Sister

      2:29

      A report confirms that many Iraqis are still holding a petty grudge about the U.S. invasion, an area man is outraged his private information is being collected by someone other than advertisers, and a new study proves it is impossible to lose weight, no o...

    • Friends Don’t Understand How Man Not Depressed

      1:21

      Citing factors such as his low-paying job, lack of foreseeable prospects, and modest living conditions, sources close to local resident Karl Brewster said Thursday they are at a loss to explain his day-to-day cheerfulness in the face of such a bleak exist...

    • Brendan Fraser: 'I Would Like To Apply For One Kickstarter, Please'

      1:45

      The ‘Mummy’ star joined in on the crowdsourcing trend this week, sending an application and cover letter in to the Kickstarter headquarters.

    • Couple Keeps Marriage Together For The Sake Of No One

      2:22

      Taylor Swift enters an alternate universe to date a body building George Harrison, a study finds that 83 percent of gamblers quit right before they would have hit the big one, and an Asian guy has a separate group of Asian friends.

    • Guy 30 Seconds Into Karaoke Version Of ‘Man In The Mirror’ Better Get His Act Together

      1:58

      Sources at Charley’s Bar and Grille are reporting that local man Peter Kagan, 34, who is currently 30 seconds into a karaoke version of the 1988 Michael Jackson song “Man In The Mirror,” better get his goddamn act together sometime fucki...

    • 'The Internship' Poised To Be Biggest Comedy Of 2005

      1:51

      Critics say the upcoming Vince Vaughn, Owen Wilson film about interning at Google has everything an audience in 2005 could want in a comedy.

    • Lifeguard Hoping To Make Up For Last Summer

      2:30

      The U.S. Disc Jockey General urges Americans to get the Led out, a BuzzFeed writer resigns in disgrace after plagarizing '10 Llamas Who Wish They Were Models,' and the new and improved Google maps lets users launch missiles at any location on the globe.

    • Guy Wondering How Much Longer To Keep Picture Of Dead Friend As Profile Pic

      1:33

      SANTA CLARA, CA—With several weeks now having passed since the tragic death of his old college roommate, local man Keith Bisbee told reporters Friday he is uncertain just how long he has to continue using a photograph of his departed friend as his F...

    • Kourtney Kardashian’s Stunning Bikini Body Washes Up On Shore

      1:24

      The sexy Kardashian wowed beachgoers when her slim post-baby beach bod washed ashore Zuma Beach in Malibu.

    • Desperate Earth Begins Accelerating Rotation In Effort To Hurl Humankind Off Surface

      2:19

      The nation dredges up its last remaining reserves of grief, a study finds that anxiety can be resolved if you think about it real hard, and a woman who cracked three separate iPhone screens is expecting a baby boy this August. It's the week of May 24, 2013.

    • Xbox One Capable Of Controlling Users With Simple Voice Commands

      1:11

      Microsoft says their new Xbox features a host of simple voice commands that will easily control and instruct gamers.

    • Obama Aims To Limit Civilian Casualties With Switch To Taser Drones

      0:58

      President Obama announced today that he plans to reduce drone casualties by replacing missiles with high-range 11 megavolt tasers.

    • Study: Anxiety Resolved By Thinking About It Real Hard

      1:29

      Potentially offering hope to millions of Americans struggling with psychological and emotional problems, a study published this week in The New England Journal Of Medicine found that test subjects were capable of fully resolving their anxiety by thinking ...

    • Web Series Reaches 100 Views

      2:16

      A comedic webisode about two roommates became a viral sensation this week after reaching the unprecedented 100 view milestone.

    • Tim Allen, Mark Wahlberg, And Tara Reid Spotted At Starbucks Discussing Oh God What Are They Planning?

      2:22

      The trio spent hours talking, prompting Hollywood to worry that they could be working on a project together.

    • Every Glass In Grandmother’s Cupboard Visibly Filthy

      2:52

      Sasha Obama becomes suspicious after doing a little digging around on Benghazi, this has to be the year a local miniature golf course goes out of business, and a dude with a knit hat at a party calls beer 'libations.' It's the week of May 17, 2013

    • Sponsored Content Pretty Fucking Awesome

      1:16

      Media consumers across the United States are reporting this week that sponsored content—articles and videos paid for by advertisers and distributed by print and digital publications—is easily the coolest ... Full Report

    • Possum Gazes Longingly At Family Walking Dog

      2:26

      A heartbroken Chris Brown always thought Rihanna was the woman he'd beat to death, a mentally unstable man is planning on exhibiting one or two more warning signs before finally doing this, and a snooze button time travler sets his coordinates for 5-minut...

    • Mentally Unstable Man To Exhibit 1 Or 2 More Warning Signs Before Finally Doing This

      1:09

      Local mentally ill man Michael Redding, 26, announced his intention Thursday to display one or two further instances of troubling behavior before finally going ahead and carrying out what he has planned.

    • Malicious Focus Group Convinces Marketers Cinnamon Mountain Dew Is The Next Big Thing

      1:29

      Following the saboteur antics of a prankster focus group that reportedly convinced company officials the drink was not only palatable but delicious, PepsiCo announced Thursday the launch of its new Mountain Dew CinnaBlast beverage.

    • Seedless Watermelon Coming To Grips With Fact It’ll Never Be Able To Have Kids

      3:02

      UMass Dartmouth is beginning to regret offering a course in Applied Domestic Terrorism, a social media rockstar makes $28,000 a year, and Miami Dolphins wide receiver Mike Wallace comes out as a stupid asshole.

    • Social Media Rock Star Makes $28,000 Per Year

      1:35

      Widely regarded as one of the online world’s brightest personalities, sources confirmed Friday that famed 28-year-old social media rock star Ryan Wasserman, better known as @RWthinks by his legions of passionate fans, makes roughly $28,000 per year.

    • Government-Issued PSA Urging Teens To Fuck Their Brains Out

      1:44

      The above is a 2008 PSA issued by the Department of Health and Human Services in support of the “Fuck Your Brains Out” sex education program.

    • Middle-Aged Funeral Director Buys Flashy Red Hearse

      2:19

      A study finds that wolf attacks are still the leading cause of death in America, a man says 'fuck it' and eats lunch and 10:58 a.m., and Dzhokar Tsarnaev posts bail.

    • Man Says 'Fuck It,' Eats Lunch At 10:58 A.M.

      1:01

      Reasoning that he’s a grown adult who can eat food whenever he damn well pleases, local man Kyle Dunedin, 30, reportedly decided at 10:58 a.m.

    • There Are People In World Who Are Concerned About Current State Of Hip-Hop

      1:45

      A report published Friday by a team of sociologists has confirmed there are apparently people living in the world today who are deeply concerned about the current state of hip-hop and who continually express genuine worry over the musical genre’s fu...

    • Catholic Teen's Life Ends At Conception

      2:42

      Next week's school shooting victims thank the members of Senate for failing to pass the gun bill, the cutest guy in an office is not particularly attractive, and an area man is tired of rushing home to hug his loved ones.

    • O-SPAN Classic: CIA Accidentally Overthrows Costa Rica

      1:57

      In this O-SPAN clip from 1963, the CIA explains that the accidental overthrow was due to "a little miscommunication" while overthrowing some nearby Central American countries.

    • Congress, 1924: Rep. Demands Horses Wear Dresses To Hide Foul Penises

      2:11

      In June 1924 Representative Oliver Shaker (D) condemned government inaction on the issue of publicly exposed horse penis and proposed a law which would federallyr equire horses to wear modesty dresses.

    • Congressmen Submit Emergency 3 AM Bill Demanding IHOP Stay Open All Night

      2:03

      The bipartisan group of representatives who submitted the emergency bill late last night say they stand by it, though they don't completely remember all of the details.

    • Live Feed: Obama Attends The White House Maintenance Staff Annual Dinner

      2:39

      Live O-SPAN coverage of the 75th annual dinner with a special awards presentation to the crew who tirelessly buffed every inch of the White House State Floor this past winter.

    • DEA Official Announces Successful Drug Bust On Son's Room

      1:56

      DEA Official Stephen Lovejoy says Matt Lovejoy was found in possession of 1/8th ounce of marijuana and a glass pipe in defiance of the law and his Mother.

    • Filming Of Congressional Reality Show Disrupts Committee Meeting

      2:14
      Rep. Cummings (D-VA) vows to ignore the haters and rise above the drama during the filming of his new reality series.
    • NASA Scientists Plan To Approach Girl By 2018

      2:27

      The team of scientists says the $19 million dollar mission will put them in direct contact with a woman by 2018.

    • Rep. Seeks Retroactive Immunity For Anyone Who Hit On First Lady Last Night

      1:38

      Rep. Bruce Durant proposes a bill protecting anyone who who may have had a little too much to drink at a White House event and called Michelle Obama a "beautiful queen."

    • Ford Unveils New Car For Cash-Strapped Buyers: The 1993 Taurus

      1:36

      Ford says the '93 Taurus is the only car to drive in 2010, and they think Americans will have no other choice but to agree.

    • BREAKING NEWS: BAT LOOSE IN CONGRESS

      3:04

      Congress is deadlocked on the best way to get a bat out of their committee chamber.

    • Congresswoman Says Botched Plastic Surgery Most Important Issue Facing U.S.

      1:51
      Rep. Lynn Merriweather says bill will protect the millions of Americans who just want to appear as young as they feel on the inside, that's all.
    • Congressman Demands To Know Who Left Fish Sandwich To Rot On House Floor

      2:46

      Rep. McCullough cannot even fathom the amount of contempt you'd have to hold for Congress, the American people to do something so inconsiderate.

    • Congressman's Son Won't Shut The Hell Up During Hearing

      2:12

      Congressman Eisley conducts hearing on Market Data Protection Reform, restrains self from murdering five year old son.

    • Treasury Department Issues Emergency Recall Of All U.S. Dollars

      1:42

      Treasury Officials say the dye used in printed money is extremely toxic and urge Americans to send all their cash to Washington immediately.

    • Congressman’s War Hero Son Would Have Wanted Highway Bill Passed

      2:09

      Rep. David Whittle (D-VA) speaks passionately about how his son, who died in Iraq, would have loved to see this appropriations bill passed.

    • Congressman Offers Preemptive Apology For Extramarital Affair

      2:17
      Rep. Gregory White (D-NH) tearfully asks forgiveness for the degrading and sinful acts he is about to engage in.
    • Congress Debates Adding Elaborate Dance To Obama's Inauguration Ceremony

      2:21
      Rep. Cummings (D-VA) wants to mark Obama’s historic inauguration with an intricately choreographed dance piece of his own creation.
    • President To Face Down Monster Attack, Own Demons In Action-Packed Schedule

      2:37

      The press secretary tells reporters that before the president can defeat the monster, he'll have to defeat his greatest enemy of all: his own doubts.

    • USDA Official Takes Courageous Stand Against Interstate Countercyclical Potato Pricing

      2:55

      A deputy assistant at the Department of Agriculture speaks truth to power, condemning proposed changes in Idaho's potato output pricing structure.

    • Press Secretary's 'Zumtrel Flooby' Answer May Be Attempt To Evade Question

      2:15

      The press secretary explained the president's economic policy by talking about something called a 'grapewood straab.'

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    Seedless Watermelon Coming To Grips With Fact It’ll Never Be Able To Have Kids

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    Middle-Aged Funeral Director Buys Flashy Red Hearse

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    Social Media Rock Star Makes $28,000 Per Year

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    Government-Issued PSA Urging Teens To Fuck Their Brains Out

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