Report: Many Companies Now Offering Women Permanent, Unpaid Maternity Leave

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After Birth

Kids Excited Mom Learning To Swear

PESHTIGO, WI—After a lifetime of assiduously avoiding the use of foul language, Helen Chernak, 59, is finally learning to swear, her delighted offspring reported Monday.

Parents Of Crying Child Must Not Be Any Good

WOODBURY, MN—Noting how the pair’s failure to promptly resolve the situation was a clear indication of their inability to raise or care for another human being, sources confirmed Friday that the parents of a crying infant must not be any good.

How To Adopt A Child

Adoption is a beautiful way to provide a loving home for a child, though it is a logistically complex process that might take months or even years to complete. Here are the steps involved in adopting a child:

The Pros And Cons Of Helicopter Parenting

The rising trend of “helicopter parenting,” or hovering over a child’s educational, social, extracurricular, and home life, has been praised by some as true dedication to one’s kids and decried by others for potentially smothering a child’s independent development. Here are the pros and cons of helicopter parenting

Conductor Fatigue Blamed In Massive Model Train Crash

BLOOMINGTON, IN—After surveying the dozen railcars and cargo of Lincoln Logs strewn haphazardly across the grass mat, investigators concluded Friday that a massive model train derailment was the result of conductor fatigue.
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Report: Many Companies Now Offering Women Permanent, Unpaid Maternity Leave

WASHINGTON—As part of a nationwide effort to accommodate women in the workplace, many U.S. companies are now offering female employees permanent, unpaid maternity leave, according to a Pew Research Center survey released Thursday. “We understand that women face numerous challenges when it comes to balancing work and family life, which is why our company allows every female employee to take an indefinite, fully uncompensated maternity leave,” said David Koerper of EasyPay Payroll Processors, one of thousands of businesses around the nation guaranteeing women the right to leave their job at any point during their pregnancy, stay home with their child for as long as they need to after the baby is born, and then never return. “Women should know that when they decide to have children, we will be proactive about offering them an unlimited number of days at home to care for their kids while earning zero percent of their pay. That is our promise.” In a further accommodation for women, Koerper added that prospective employees who may at some point consider starting families have the option of not applying for a job in the first place.

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