Roommate Food Pyramid Updated To Include 4 Servings Of Someone Else's Grains, Cereals Per Day

In This Section

Vol 49 Issue 04

North Korea To Test New Nuclear Weapon

In response to recently imposed U.N. sanctions, North Korea vowed to conduct its third test of a nuclear weapon, warning of confrontation with its proclaimed “arch-enemy” the United States.

Study Exposes Risks Of Conducting Research While Driving

NASA continues its search for a planet capable of supporting NASA, Prince Harry announces that he killed some Taliban-looking people during his tour of duty, and a copy of 'The Scarlet Letter'' can't believe the notes a high schooler is writing in its mar...
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next
TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage



Roommate Food Pyramid Updated To Include 4 Servings Of Someone Else's Grains, Cereals Per Day

WASHINGTON—The U.S. Department of Agriculture rolled out changes to its Roommate Food Pyramid for the first time in years Wednesday, revising the dietary guidelines to include four servings of someone else’s grains and cereals per day. “Under our new recommendations, housemates can meet their nutritional allotment of grains by grabbing whatever bread’s in the kitchen and taking a couple slices from the middle of the loaf, or by consuming one or more bowls of Frosted Flakes, provided the box is already open,” said USDA nutritionist Linus Wolcott, emphasizing the importance of eating complex carbohydrates and placing all items back exactly where they were found. “And, as usual, we urge roommates to meet their recommended daily intake of protein by eating at least four ounces of Steve’s lunch meat right out of the plastic bag, ideally directly in front of the refrigerator with their back turned to the kitchen door in case he walks in.” Wolcott also noted that the USDA had removed its earlier recommendation of drinking the last few swigs of orange juice, citing recent adverse findings.

Next Story

Onion Video

Watch More