Scandalous Photos Reveal Grover Norquist Carried On Secret Affair With Taxes For Years

Top Headlines


The Arguments For And Against Bernie Sanders Staying In The Race

Bernie Sanders is ramping up his efforts in the presidential race despite long odds, while sharpening his criticisms of a Democratic Party increasingly focused on the general election with Hillary Clinton as their presumptive nominee. Here are the arguments for and against Sanders staying in the race

Donald Trump’s Campaign: Myth Vs. Fact

Donald Trump’s political positions, personal history, and potential governing style have been the subject of much debate throughout the 2016 election. The Onion separates myth from fact in this breakdown of Trump’s campaign:

Report: Well, Here We Go

WASHINGTON—With Donald Trump’s two remaining GOP rivals suspending their candidacies and clearing a path for the billionaire businessman to assume the Republican presidential nomination, reports indicated Wednesday that, well, hoo boy, here we go.

Ted Cruz Dressed For Campaign Rally By Swarm Of Loyal Vermin

INDIANAPOLIS—In what has reportedly become a daily routine on the campaign trail, Republican presidential candidate Ted Cruz stood alone in the center of his hotel suite Tuesday morning where he was carefully dressed and groomed by a swarm of loyal vermin.

How The GOP Plans To Stop Trump

In response to Donald Trump’s growing presidential primary lead, here’s how Republican Party leaders are ramping up efforts to prevent him from getting enough delegates to win the nomination outright.

It Unclear Why Thousands Of Loud, Chanting Trump Supporters Gathering Outside Arena In Iowa

‘There’s No Event Here, But They Keep Coming,’ Say Concerned Stadium Staff

DES MOINES, IA—Noting that the Republican presidential candidate had not announced any plans to visit Iowa since the state held its caucus 11 weeks ago, baffled sources reported Wednesday that it remains unclear why thousands of loud, cheering Donald Trump supporters are gathering outside the Wells Fargo Arena in Des Moines.

Obama Caught Trying To Jump White House Fence

WASHINGTON—The White House was briefly placed on lockdown Friday morning after “an addled and emotionally distraught” President Obama was reportedly caught trying to scale the North Lawn fence, the third such attempt this year, Secret Service officials confirmed.
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next

Scandalous Photos Reveal Grover Norquist Carried On Secret Affair With Taxes For Years

WASHINGTON—In a scandal that strikes at the very heart of the American anti-tax movement, a series of incriminating photos surfaced online Thursday, revealing that, for decades, leading Republican power broker Grover Norquist has secretly engaged in a romantic affair with taxes.


Leaked by an unknown source, the grainy but reportedly undoctored images chronicle a tawdry on-again, off-again liaison stretching back to 1983, when a young Norquist first worked closely with taxes as a speechwriter for the U.S. Chamber of Commerce.

"This proves that while Mr. Norquist was collecting lawmakers' pledges never to raise any taxes under any circumstances, he was at the same time engaged in an intimate relationship with the very revenue source he claimed to despise," said Senate Major­ity Leader Harry Reid, referring to the "Taxpayer Protection Pledge" signed by more than 95 percent of congressional Republicans. "Coming from the nation's most outspoken crusader for shrinking the public sector, this il­licit conduct is utterly shocking."

"All these years, the founder of Americans for Tax Reform has led a double life," Reid added. "An anti-tax zealot by day, and a tax-obsessed sex maniac by night. The pictures of him and excise taxes are disgusting."

Included among the materials currently circulating on the Internet are images that show Norquist overpaying his taxes, getting into private vehicles with taxes, seated with taxes at upscale D.C. restaurants, and purchasing thoughtful gifts that, according to shipping records, were later sent to the U.S. Treasury.

In three particularly salacious shots taken one night during last summer's debt-ceiling standoff, the powerful conservative lobbyist can clearly be seen smiling while doing his taxes in a chair, on top of his desk, and in the hallway against a wall.

The photos also suggest Norquist's clandestine rendezvous often descended into all-night orgies whose participants included state and federal income taxes, property taxes, capital gains taxes, strict limits on corporate tax credits and deductions, estate taxes, and even the sales taxes of several small municipalities.

"Grover Norquist became one of the most influential people in Washington by relentlessly fighting to rein in government spending, so it's hard to stomach these pictures of his torrid, brazenly carnal relations with taxes," said Kenneth Handler, a GOP operative who has at­tended Norquist's famed Wednesday meetings of elite conservatives. "While I was aware of his mild flirtation with taxes during the desperate years of George W. Bush's record-breaking budget deficits, I never suspected any sort of romantic dalliance had occurred, let alone this."

"It's been going on so long that, deep down, he may actually be in love with taxes," he added.

In addition to the trove of photographic evidence, several leaked documents suggest Norquist's infidelities may not have been lim­ited to taxes. In 2009, while his organization was receiving donations from the billionaire Koch brothers and other oil interests, Norquist reportedly paid an out-of-court settlement following allegations he had made unwanted sexual advances toward federal cap-and-trade legislation. Further investigation revealed Norquist also secretly lavished large amounts of money on an 18-year-old universal health care program he met online, including a recent no-expense-spared jaunt to the south of France.

Reached for comment, ATR spokesman John Kartch confirmed the authenticity of the photos, but said the images had been taken out of context and misinterpreted.

"Any accusations that Mr. Norquist has been involved in an affair are patently false. Yes, he has maintained a cordial acquaintance with taxes over the years, but the relationship has been entirely professional," Kartch told reporters. "And furthermore, I'd like to ask the press to please respect the privacy of taxes while Mr. Norquist and his accountant sort this matter out."

Norquist's alleged improprieties come in the wake of similar scandals that have plagued the Republican Party, most notably last week's discovery of a laptop belonging to Newt Gingrich that contained thousands of raunchy big government videos.

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close