Scattered Deaths Of Elderly Floridians Expected Throughout The Week

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Vol 48 Issue 38

The Bird Sniffer

PBS 8:00 p.m. EDT/7:00 p.m. CDT Ornithologist and acclaimed odor-describer Dr. Charles Wemple attempts to get a rare whiff of a freshly hatched ivory-billed woodpecker before the mother pecks the bejeezus out of his face.

Area Mom Was Waiting In The Car For 20 Minutes

LEXINGTON, MA—According to sources within the car-pool lane at Lexington High School, your mom has been waiting for you in the car for over 20 minutes, and now she’s going to be late, which is just great.

That Chair Over There

No one’s using it at the moment. Go ahead, take a seat. You can always get up if someone comes back.
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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Scattered Deaths Of Elderly Floridians Expected Throughout The Week

The Onion Weather Center provides its forecast for Sarasota, Florida where it’s partly cloudy and 84 degrees; Louise Covert, 79, is dead from complications with diabetes; conditions will feel muggy with 80 percent humidity and oh, 98-year-olds Jimmy Scoggins just died of natural causes. April Matthews, and Hank Thompson, both 88, both just died. And expect cloudy skies on Tuesday.

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