Japanese scientists have created an ultra-realistic robot that not only runs a half-marathon, but then never shuts up about what a great fucking job it did.
Dick Van Dyke finally confesses to the Zodiac killings, the open dialogue two Americans are having about race is pretty hilarious, and a fucking loser is at a movie all by himself.
In a new report released Wednesday by the Pew Research center, Americans indicated that when it comes to what they expect from their country, all they really want is to be safe, happy, rich, comfortable, and entertained at absolutely all times.
The Royal baby speaks his first words, an unambitious loser with a happy, fulfilling life still lives in his hometown, and a pool owner has a bathing suit that touched his penis you can borrow.
Economists at Harvard University released a new study this week indicating that Americans who paint themselves silver and pretend to be statues in public spaces make, on average, $10 million per year.
The nation throws its hands up and tells black teens to be careful out there, J.K. Rowling is revealed to be the pseudonym of Newt Gingrich, and the FBI is offering $1 million for any information on cheetahs.
The FBI is asking any Americans with information about the eating habits, top speed, fighting abilities, or other general interest knowledge of cheetahs to contact them immediately in return for a one million dollar reward. Full Report.
Tech Trends looks at the new Samsung Apex, a wearable computing device that streams videos into one eye, the internet into the other, and sucks your cock all at the same time.
Red Roof Inn announces its new Suicidal Suite, the FBI can’t bring themselves to bust a guy torrenting every season of ‘Picket Fences,’ and zoo visitors watch the mating rituals of the ice cream shop staff.
In an effort to cater to customers who have lost the will to live, economy hotel chain Red Roof Inn officially unveiled Thursday its new Suicidal Suite available at each of their locations across the nation.
A dying kid in Houston is holding on until the Astros develop a player worth meeting, fossilized evidence reveals the Spazosaurus was the largest doofus ever to roam the earth, and a Facebook friend is apparently under the impression that Ron Paul is stil...
Upon coming across the same job posting Monday for a full-time position at a local startup company, an estimated 1,400 people reportedly described the opening as “a perfect fit” for their qualifications, saying it was exactly the opportunity t...
After fluctuating wildly this morning between $1 and $35, the price of money spiked to an unprecedented $90 a dollar in afternoon trading, plunging international financial markets into chaos.
McDonald's is considering franching restaurants after 70 years of being family owned and operated, the financial sector thinks it's about ready to ruin the world again, and a kidnapping is going pretty smoothly.
The popular series about a castle full of wizards and magical servants has been surprisingly magic-free so far, but hopefully that will change in the fourth season.
After fluctuating wildly this morning between $1 and $35, the price of money spiked to an unprecedented $90 a dollar in afternoon trading, plunging international financial markets into chaos.
McDonald's is considering franching restaurants after 70 years of being family owned and operated, the financial sector thinks it's about ready to ruin the world again, and a kidnapping is going pretty smoothly.
The popular series about a castle full of wizards and magical servants has been surprisingly magic-free so far, but hopefully that will change in the fourth season.
A report confirms that many Iraqis are still holding a petty grudge about the U.S. invasion, an area man is outraged his private information is being collected by someone other than advertisers, and a new study proves it is impossible to lose weight, no o...
Citing factors such as his low-paying job, lack of foreseeable prospects, and modest living conditions, sources close to local resident Karl Brewster said Thursday they are at a loss to explain his day-to-day cheerfulness in the face of such a bleak exist...
Taylor Swift enters an alternate universe to date a body building George Harrison, a study finds that 83 percent of gamblers quit right before they would have hit the big one, and an Asian guy has a separate group of Asian friends.
Sources at Charley’s Bar and Grille are reporting that local man Peter Kagan, 34, who is currently 30 seconds into a karaoke version of the 1988 Michael Jackson song “Man In The Mirror,” better get his goddamn act together sometime fucki...
The U.S. Disc Jockey General urges Americans to get the Led out, a BuzzFeed writer resigns in disgrace after plagarizing '10 Llamas Who Wish They Were Models,' and the new and improved Google maps lets users launch missiles at any location on the globe.
SANTA CLARA, CA—With several weeks now having passed since the tragic death of his old college roommate, local man Keith Bisbee told reporters Friday he is uncertain just how long he has to continue using a photograph of his departed friend as his F...
The pregnant starlet has finished reading her long-awaited first book and is currently traveling the country to promote the John Grisham thriller to her fans.
In a rare, candid interview, former Vice President Dick Cheney admitted he regrets that he couldn’t produce more casualties in the decade-long conflict.
Congressman Ryan is defending his extreme budget plan, which includes proposals that Americans make their own toothpaste and cut their own hair, just like he does.
Court officials complain that it’s too difficult to keep track of every massacre and that recalling one from all the way back in July of 2012 is almost impossible.
The President was forced to exercise his clemency powers to free Joe Biden last week after the Vice President called the White House at 3 AM from a prison pay phone.
In his first televised interview since the election, Mitt Romney said his bid for the White House was doomed by his ability to effectively and honestly convey his opinions to minority voters.
Transportation Secretary Ray LaHood is being proactive in the face of his department's potential budget cuts by scouring the country for road signs, traffic lights, and other unattended resources before Friday's sequester hits.
Meteorologists say the blizzard pummeling the Midwest is expected to devastate Illinois resident Kevin Hodges given everything he's been going through lately.
To shore up support among female voters, the GOP has introduced a bill banning "putting angry hands to lady necks" and "hurting pretty ladies with mean sex."