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  • Onion Special Report
  • 145 Episodes
  • No shift in the American political or cultural landscape can escape the all-probing lens of the Onion Special Report.
Report: Slamming Boss Against Wall, Shouting ‘Cash! I Need More Cash!’ Still Leading Tactic For Securing Raise

Report: Slamming Boss Against Wall, Shouting ‘Cash! I Need More Cash!’ Still Leading Tactic For Securing Raise

Greyhound Now Offering Premium Upgrade To Slightly Less Disgusting Seats

Greyhound Now Offering Premium Upgrade To Slightly Less Disgusting Seats

Report: Many Companies Now Offering Women Permanent, Unpaid Maternity Leave

Report: Many Companies Now Offering Women Permanent, Unpaid Maternity Leave

Teacher Who Learns More From Her Students Than She Teaches Them Fired

Teacher Who Learns More From Her Students Than She Teaches Them Fired

Child Development Experts Say Boys Not Fully Mature Until Avenging Father’s Murder

Child Development Experts Say Boys Not Fully Mature Until Avenging Father’s Murder

Salt Lake City Hoping To Boost Tourism By Reminding Visitors They’re Free To Leave At Any Time

Salt Lake City Hoping To Boost Tourism By Reminding Visitors They’re Free To Leave At Any Time

Maybelline Introduces New Ideal-Woman Rubber Mask To Use In Place Of Makeup

Maybelline Introduces New Ideal-Woman Rubber Mask To Use In Place Of Makeup

Doctors Say Average Heart Attack Victim Doesn’t Clutch At Chest Nearly Dramatically Enough

Doctors Say Average Heart Attack Victim Doesn’t Clutch At Chest Nearly Dramatically Enough

Report: 76% Of Sleepaway Campers’ Parents Beginning Trial Separation

Report: 76% Of Sleepaway Campers’ Parents Beginning Trial Separation

This Minnesota State Museum’s Final Offer To Owner Of Couch From ‘Mary Tyler Moore’ Set

This Minnesota State Museum’s Final Offer To Owner Of Couch From ‘Mary Tyler Moore’ Set

Last-Ditch Dating Website Simply Asks Users To Check ‘Yes’ If They Have Open Sores

Last-Ditch Dating Website Simply Asks Users To Check ‘Yes’ If They Have Open Sores

Report: Average Male 4,000% Less Effective In Fights Than They Imagine

Report: Average Male 4,000% Less Effective In Fights Than They Imagine

Nation’s Blakes Cruise Easily Through Lifeguard Tryouts

Nation’s Blakes Cruise Easily Through Lifeguard Tryouts

New PS4 Feature Allows User To Close Eyes And Imagine Really Fun Game

New PS4 Feature Allows User To Close Eyes And Imagine Really Fun Game

Bounty Launches Beginner Series For People New To Paper Towels

Bounty Launches Beginner Series For People New To Paper Towels

Survey: Most Common Deathbed Regret Never Spraying Fire Extinguisher

Survey: Most Common Deathbed Regret Never Spraying Fire Extinguisher

Christ, Article A Video

Christ, Article A Video

High School Student, Teacher Applying For Same Summer Waitressing Job

High School Student, Teacher Applying For Same Summer Waitressing Job

Study: Most Serial Killers Did Not Receive Toy Every Time They Went To Store As Kids

Study: Most Serial Killers Did Not Receive Toy Every Time They Went To Store As Kids

Kay Jewelers Recalls 2 Million Cursed Wedding Rings

Kay Jewelers Recalls 2 Million Cursed Wedding Rings

Small Business Still Manages To Mistreat Workers Like Large Corporate Chain

Small Business Still Manages To Mistreat Workers Like Large Corporate Chain

Horrifying Video Showing How Meat Products Are Eaten

Horrifying Video Showing How Meat Products Are Eaten

Doctor Recalls Average-Looking Sibling Who Inspired Him To Go Into Cosmetic Surgery

Doctor Recalls Average-Looking Sibling Who Inspired Him To Go Into Cosmetic Surgery

Couple Keeps It Interesting By Bickering In Different Positions, Rooms

Couple Keeps It Interesting By Bickering In Different Positions, Rooms

Study Finds Earth Located In Lamest Part Of Universe

Study Finds Earth Located In Lamest Part Of Universe

Devastated Family Struggling To Cope After Losing Everything On DVR

Devastated Family Struggling To Cope After Losing Everything On DVR

Report: 95% Of Grandfathers Got Job By Walking Right Up And Just Asking

Report: 95% Of Grandfathers Got Job By Walking Right Up And Just Asking

Study: Slapping Everyone In Grocery Store, Exposing Yourself In Produce Section Still Frowned Upon By Society

Study: Slapping Everyone In Grocery Store, Exposing Yourself In Produce Section Still Frowned Upon By Society

Scientists Confirm Statues Humans’ Closest Nonliving Relative

Scientists Confirm Statues Humans’ Closest Nonliving Relative

Parents Urge Son To Invest In Improv Comedy Education

Parents Urge Son To Invest In Improv Comedy Education

12-Year-Old Couldn’t Begin To Guess Name Of Friend Whose House He Visits To Play Xbox

12-Year-Old Couldn’t Begin To Guess Name Of Friend Whose House He Visits To Play Xbox

Report: Local Gas Station Wouldn’t Be That Hard To Rob

Report: Local Gas Station Wouldn’t Be That Hard To Rob

Open Relationship Gives Couple Freedom To Emotionally Drain Other People From Time To Time

Open Relationship Gives Couple Freedom To Emotionally Drain Other People From Time To Time

Middle-Aged Waiter Sadly Not Involved In Any Creative Endeavor

Middle-Aged Waiter Sadly Not Involved In Any Creative Endeavor

Report: Rising Number Of Weak, Emasculated Men Working As Stay-At-Home Dads

Report: Rising Number Of Weak, Emasculated Men Working As Stay-At-Home Dads

Man Moving To New City Never Took Time To Truly Loathe Surroundings

Man Moving To New City Never Took Time To Truly Loathe Surroundings

Nation Terrified After Millions Lose Consciousness For 8 Whole Hours Last Night

Nation Terrified After Millions Lose Consciousness For 8 Whole Hours Last Night

Increasingly Worried Man Hasn't Yet Come Across Any Guacamole In Burrito

Increasingly Worried Man Hasn't Yet Come Across Any Guacamole In Burrito

Nation’s Lunatics Lament Rising Cost Of Car Meat

Nation’s Lunatics Lament Rising Cost Of Car Meat

Laid-Off Man Finally Achieves Perfect Work-Life Balance

Laid-Off Man Finally Achieves Perfect Work-Life Balance

Woman Confusingly Tells Area Man She’s Not Interested In Him

Woman Confusingly Tells Area Man She’s Not Interested In Him

‘And Yet, Is Not Beef Itself An Expression Of Wanton Lust?’ Bizarre New McDonald’s Ad Asks

‘And Yet, Is Not Beef Itself An Expression Of Wanton Lust?’ Bizarre New McDonald’s Ad Asks

Slow-Witted Conspiracy Theorist Convinced Government Behind NASA

Slow-Witted Conspiracy Theorist Convinced Government Behind NASA

Man Doesn’t Know How Parents Ever Going To Pay Off Massive Student Loan Debt

Man Doesn’t Know How Parents Ever Going To Pay Off Massive Student Loan Debt

Excerpt From Buddhist Extremist Video Threat

Excerpt From Buddhist Extremist Video Threat

Area Man Lacks Star Power Necessary To Carry Major Motion Picture

Area Man Lacks Star Power Necessary To Carry Major Motion Picture

Report: American People Lead World In Compressing Big Sandwiches So They’re Bitable

Report: American People Lead World In Compressing Big Sandwiches So They’re Bitable

Grievances Brought Up With Powerless Supervisor

Grievances Brought Up With Powerless Supervisor

Centers For Disease Contraction Urges Americans To Suck Doorknob

Centers For Disease Contraction Urges Americans To Suck Doorknob

CEO Worked Way Up From Son Of CEO

CEO Worked Way Up From Son Of CEO

Child Sees No Reason Why Iron Man Costume Can't Be Worn To Grandfather’s Funeral

Child Sees No Reason Why Iron Man Costume Can't Be Worn To Grandfather’s Funeral

Chipmunk’s Plan For Future Better Crafted Than That Of 8 Out Of 10 Americans

Chipmunk’s Plan For Future Better Crafted Than That Of 8 Out Of 10 Americans

Hostages Freed After Tense 7-Minute Standup Set

Hostages Freed After Tense 7-Minute Standup Set

Man Who Has Something Seriously Wrong With Him On A Fundamental Level Leaves That Part Off OKCupid Profile

Man Who Has Something Seriously Wrong With Him On A Fundamental Level Leaves That Part Off OKCupid Profile

Area Man Unsure If He’s Male-Bonding Or Being Bullied

Area Man Unsure If He’s Male-Bonding Or Being Bullied

College Freshman Honors Dead Roommate’s Memory By Solemnly Eating All His Food

College Freshman Honors Dead Roommate’s Memory By Solemnly Eating All His Food

Study: Average Person Becomes Unhinged Psychotic When Alone In Own House

Study: Average Person Becomes Unhinged Psychotic When Alone In Own House

CEO Has Special Knack For Recognizing Great Ideas And Ruining Them

CEO Has Special Knack For Recognizing Great Ideas And Ruining Them

Study: Majority Of Children Lack Strong Male Supermodels

Study: Majority Of Children Lack Strong Male Supermodels

Nation Just Wants To Be Safe, Happy, Rich, Comfortable, Entertained At All Times

Nation Just Wants To Be Safe, Happy, Rich, Comfortable, Entertained At All Times

Economists: People Who Paint Selves Silver And Pretend To Be Statues Make Average Of $10 Million Per Year

Economists: People Who Paint Selves Silver And Pretend To Be Statues Make Average Of $10 Million Per Year

FBI Offering $1 Million Reward For Any Information On Cheetahs

FBI Offering $1 Million Reward For Any Information On Cheetahs

Red Roof Inn Announces New Suicidal Suite

Red Roof Inn Announces New Suicidal Suite

Universe Crueler, More Uncaring Place Than Previously Thought

Universe Crueler, More Uncaring Place Than Previously Thought

'I Would Be Absolutely Perfect For This,' Report 1,400 People Looking At Same Job Posting

'I Would Be Absolutely Perfect For This,' Report 1,400 People Looking At Same Job Posting

Markets In Turmoil As Price Of Money Skyrockets To $90 A Dollar

Markets In Turmoil As Price Of Money Skyrockets To $90 A Dollar

Friends Don’t Understand How Man Not Depressed

Friends Don’t Understand How Man Not Depressed

Guy 30 Seconds Into Karaoke Version Of ‘Man In The Mirror’ Better Get His Act Together

Guy 30 Seconds Into Karaoke Version Of ‘Man In The Mirror’ Better Get His Act Together

Guy Wondering How Much Longer To Keep Picture Of Dead Friend As Profile Pic

Guy Wondering How Much Longer To Keep Picture Of Dead Friend As Profile Pic

Study: Anxiety Resolved By Thinking About It Real Hard

Study: Anxiety Resolved By Thinking About It Real Hard

Sponsored Content Pretty Fucking Awesome

Sponsored Content Pretty Fucking Awesome

Mentally Unstable Man To Exhibit 1 Or 2 More Warning Signs Before Finally Doing This

Mentally Unstable Man To Exhibit 1 Or 2 More Warning Signs Before Finally Doing This

Malicious Focus Group Convinces Marketers Cinnamon Mountain Dew Is The Next Big Thing

Malicious Focus Group Convinces Marketers Cinnamon Mountain Dew Is The Next Big Thing

Social Media Rock Star Makes $28,000 Per Year

Social Media Rock Star Makes $28,000 Per Year

Government-Issued PSA Urging Teens To Fuck Their Brains Out

Government-Issued PSA Urging Teens To Fuck Their Brains Out

Man Says 'Fuck It,' Eats Lunch At 10:58 A.M.

Man Says 'Fuck It,' Eats Lunch At 10:58 A.M.

There Are People In World Who Are Concerned About Current State Of Hip-Hop

There Are People In World Who Are Concerned About Current State Of Hip-Hop

Cutest Guy In Whole Office Not Even Particularly Attractive

Cutest Guy In Whole Office Not Even Particularly Attractive

Excited Man Only 2 Therapy Sessions Away From Resolving Issues

Excited Man Only 2 Therapy Sessions Away From Resolving Issues

Couple Making Out At Bus Stop Like It's Fucking Paris

Couple Making Out At Bus Stop Like It's Fucking Paris

Report: Saxophone Still An Okay Vehicle For Self-Expression

Report: Saxophone Still An Okay Vehicle For Self-Expression

Ashamed Student Affairs Committee Reveals There Aren’t Any Awesome Events Happening On Campus This Weekend

Ashamed Student Affairs Committee Reveals There Aren’t Any Awesome Events Happening On Campus This Weekend

Guy With 10,000 Tweets, 15 Followers About Ready To Hang It Up

Guy With 10,000 Tweets, 15 Followers About Ready To Hang It Up

Area Woman Thinks All Of Her Friends Should Be Comedians

Area Woman Thinks All Of Her Friends Should Be Comedians

Man With Strong Brand Loyalty Willing To Kill For Mazda

Man With Strong Brand Loyalty Willing To Kill For Mazda

Authorities On Alert As Hundreds Of Crazed Sociopaths Enter Congressional Chambers

Authorities On Alert As Hundreds Of Crazed Sociopaths Enter Congressional Chambers

Video Of Man Weeping Becomes Viral Hit

Video Of Man Weeping Becomes Viral Hit

Company Immediately Calls Job Applicant Upon Seeing 'B.A. In Communications' On Résumé

Company Immediately Calls Job Applicant Upon Seeing 'B.A. In Communications' On Résumé

The Gunman Tragedy: A Recap Of The Onion’s Coverage

The Gunman Tragedy: A Recap Of The Onion’s Coverage

Man Not Sure He’s Dynamic Enough To Work At Local Marketing Firm

Man Not Sure He’s Dynamic Enough To Work At Local Marketing Firm

Netflix Sends Message To Check If Area Man Okay After Watching Entire Season Of ‘Sons Of Anarchy’ In Single Sitting

Netflix Sends Message To Check If Area Man Okay After Watching Entire Season Of ‘Sons Of Anarchy’ In Single Sitting

Nostalgic Warden Has Seen 3 Generations Of Family Come Through Prison

Nostalgic Warden Has Seen 3 Generations Of Family Come Through Prison

Bob Dylan Lays Off 2,000 Workers From Songwriting Factory

Bob Dylan Lays Off 2,000 Workers From Songwriting Factory

Area Man Panics After Accidentally 'Liking' 381 Of His Ex-Girlfriend’s Facebook Photos

Area Man Panics After Accidentally 'Liking' 381 Of His Ex-Girlfriend’s Facebook Photos

Man Didn't Expect Sex With Prostitute Would Be So Emotionally Fulfilling

Man Didn't Expect Sex With Prostitute Would Be So Emotionally Fulfilling

Devoted Abuser Stops By Girlfriend's Office To Deliver Surprise Threat

Devoted Abuser Stops By Girlfriend's Office To Deliver Surprise Threat

'The State Of The Union Is Strong,' Says Man Responsible For Shielding Nation From Truth

'The State Of The Union Is Strong,' Says Man Responsible For Shielding Nation From Truth

New Sony Nose Buds Allow Users To Blast Different Smells Into Nostrils

New Sony Nose Buds Allow Users To Blast Different Smells Into Nostrils

PR Firm Advises U.S. To Cut Ties With Alabama

PR Firm Advises U.S. To Cut Ties With Alabama

Report: Peanut Butter Contains Traces Of Rat Feces But Life's Weird Like That Sometimes

Report: Peanut Butter Contains Traces Of Rat Feces But Life's Weird Like That Sometimes

Smitten Man Can't Believe Woman He's On Date With Also Into The Beatles

Smitten Man Can't Believe Woman He's On Date With Also Into The Beatles

Department Of Interior Bilked Out Of $18 Million In Funding By Con Gopher

Department Of Interior Bilked Out Of $18 Million In Funding By Con Gopher

And Nation Has To Go Through It All Again Tomorrow

And Nation Has To Go Through It All Again Tomorrow

Frustrated Inner-City Students Running Out Of Ideas To Motivate Teachers

Frustrated Inner-City Students Running Out Of Ideas To Motivate Teachers

Roommate Food Pyramid Updated To Include 4 Servings Of Someone Else's Grains, Cereals Per Day

Roommate Food Pyramid Updated To Include 4 Servings Of Someone Else's Grains, Cereals Per Day

NASA Continues Search For Planet Capable Of Supporting NASA

NASA Continues Search For Planet Capable Of Supporting NASA

College Freshman's Roommate Has Had Excuse To Go Home Every Weekend Since August

College Freshman's Roommate Has Had Excuse To Go Home Every Weekend Since August

Osama Bin Laden Foundation Awards Fellowships To 20 Promising Young Terrorists

Osama Bin Laden Foundation Awards Fellowships To 20 Promising Young Terrorists

Police Find Super-Sharp Buck Knife

Police Find Super-Sharp Buck Knife

Investigation Finds Appalling Conditions In 'Cosmopolitan' Magazine Male-Pleasure Laboratory

Investigation Finds Appalling Conditions In 'Cosmopolitan' Magazine Male-Pleasure Laboratory

Man Has Alarming Level Of Pride In Institution That Left Him $50,000 In Debt, Inadequately Prepared For Job Market

Man Has Alarming Level Of Pride In Institution That Left Him $50,000 In Debt, Inadequately Prepared For Job Market

Mother Who Forgot To Pay 29-Year-Old Son's Phone Bill Reminded To Really Be Careful About That

Mother Who Forgot To Pay 29-Year-Old Son's Phone Bill Reminded To Really Be Careful About That

Fugitive Doctor Accuses Devlin MacGregor Of Fraud

Fugitive Doctor Accuses Devlin MacGregor Of Fraud

Rare Pornographic Movie Shot At Vatican For First Time Since 1982's 'Pope Fisters IV'

Rare Pornographic Movie Shot At Vatican For First Time Since 1982's 'Pope Fisters IV'

Man Has Such Good Friends They’ll Let Him Drink Himself To Death Right Before Their Eyes

Man Has Such Good Friends They’ll Let Him Drink Himself To Death Right Before Their Eyes

Kidnappers' Demands Only Make Sense Given Economy

Kidnappers' Demands Only Make Sense Given Economy

38-Year-Old Little Boy Posts Picture Of Fast Car He Likes To Facebook

38-Year-Old Little Boy Posts Picture Of Fast Car He Likes To Facebook

Nation's Hardass Cops Finally Find Time To Play Games

Nation's Hardass Cops Finally Find Time To Play Games

Congress Arrested On Manslaughter Charges

Congress Arrested On Manslaughter Charges

Dept. Of Interior Releases New Stick

Dept. Of Interior Releases New Stick

VIDEO: High School For The Performing Arts Student Goes In Depth About Really Weird Peer Pressure

VIDEO: High School For The Performing Arts Student Goes In Depth About Really Weird Peer Pressure

New Al-Qaeda Recruit Sick Of Hearing Senior Terrorists Brag About 9/11 Attacks

New Al-Qaeda Recruit Sick Of Hearing Senior Terrorists Brag About 9/11 Attacks

Poor Bastard Who Just Started Watching Lost In For World Of Disappointment

Poor Bastard Who Just Started Watching Lost In For World Of Disappointment

John Travolta, Olivia Newton-John Christmas Album Plunges Nation Into Double-Dip Recession

John Travolta, Olivia Newton-John Christmas Album Plunges Nation Into Double-Dip Recession

Mitt Romney Terrified What Will Happen If He Ever Stops Running For President

Mitt Romney Terrified What Will Happen If He Ever Stops Running For President

Paramedics Rush To Revive God Following Latest Suicide Attempt

Paramedics Rush To Revive God Following Latest Suicide Attempt

Study: Human Imagination Capable Of Magnificent Things During Masturbation

Study: Human Imagination Capable Of Magnificent Things During Masturbation

Guy On Intense Cell Phone Call Walking Up And Down Block For Past 45 Minutes

Guy On Intense Cell Phone Call Walking Up And Down Block For Past 45 Minutes

Scientology Minister Accused Of Molesting Thetans

Scientology Minister Accused Of Molesting Thetans

Florida To Experiment With New 600-Lever Voting Machines

Florida To Experiment With New 600-Lever Voting Machines

Personal Trainer Making Area Man Put On Humiliating Little Show For Entire Gym

Personal Trainer Making Area Man Put On Humiliating Little Show For Entire Gym

Joe Biden Hitchhikes To Democratic National Convention

Joe Biden Hitchhikes To Democratic National Convention

Evangelical Hospital Holds 5th Annual Gayness Cure Walk

Evangelical Hospital Holds 5th Annual Gayness Cure Walk

Weird, Area Woman Wasn't Harassed Today

Weird, Area Woman Wasn't Harassed Today

Man Doesn't Even Do Good Job At Sleeping

Man Doesn't Even Do Good Job At Sleeping

Horrible Couple Really Wants Wedding To Reflect Their Personalities

Horrible Couple Really Wants Wedding To Reflect Their Personalities

Blood-Drenched, Berserk CEO Demands More Web Videos

Blood-Drenched, Berserk CEO Demands More Web Videos

Middle-Aged Woman Angrily Demanding Price Check On Rice Pudding Was Once Carefree Youth, Onlookers Speculate

Middle-Aged Woman Angrily Demanding Price Check On Rice Pudding Was Once Carefree Youth, Onlookers Speculate

Nude Man Who Locked Self Out Of House Delivers Moving Treatise On Human Condition To Slowly Gathering Crowd

Nude Man Who Locked Self Out Of House Delivers Moving Treatise On Human Condition To Slowly Gathering Crowd

Shadows Meet The Clouds, Gray On Gray, Like Dusty Charcoal On An Ashen Brow, Nation's Poets Report

Shadows Meet The Clouds, Gray On Gray, Like Dusty Charcoal On An Ashen Brow, Nation's Poets Report

Quiet Temp Actually Very Untalented Singer-Songwriter

Quiet Temp Actually Very Untalented Singer-Songwriter

Gay 12-Year-Old: 'I Like Eating Lunch Here By Myself'

Gay 12-Year-Old: 'I Like Eating Lunch Here By Myself'

Grover Norquist: 'I Engaged In A Week-Long Drug-Fueled Orgy With Corporate Income Taxes'

Grover Norquist: 'I Engaged In A Week-Long Drug-Fueled Orgy With Corporate Income Taxes'

Classmates Respond To Jessica Milly’s Decision To Put Out

Classmates Respond To Jessica Milly’s Decision To Put Out

Indianapolis' 2020 Olympic Bid Video: "Our Time To Shine"

Indianapolis' 2020 Olympic Bid Video: "Our Time To Shine"

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