Smitten Man Can't Believe Woman He's On Date With Also Into The Beatles

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Vol 49 Issue 05

Onion Sports' Live Coverage Of Super Bowl XLVII

Highlights Pregame Nation Excited For Opportunity To Watch Harbaugh Lose Super Bowl Pregame Onion Sports' Guide To Super Bowl XLVII Pregame Coverage Nation Excited For Opportunity To Watch Harbaugh Lose Super Bowl “I’m so pumped up! I can...

Hometown Wistfully Toured Via Google Street View

COLUMBUS, OH—Eleven years after last walking through his hometown, 29-year-old local man Paul Brundage reportedly spent the entire evening Friday revisiting his childhood neighborhood in Decatur, IL using the Google Maps Street View feature.
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Productivity

Scientists Posit Theoretical ‘Productive Weekend’

CAMBRIDGE, MA—Challenging long-accepted scientific convention, a group of leading MIT scientists published a report Thursday positing that, under certain rare and specific conditions, a so-called “productive weekend” is theoretically pos...

Fun

  • Night Out Consecrated With Opening Exchange Of High-Fives

    CHARLOTTE, NC—Kicking off the evening with their customary expression of excitement and camaraderie, a group of friends reportedly consecrated their night out on the town Friday with a ceremonial opening exchange of high-fives.

Smitten Man Can't Believe Woman He's On Date With Also Into The Beatles

NEW YORK—In an astonishing coincidence of aligning personal interests, local 29-year-old Brad Holdtman reported last night that his 28-year-old blind date Pauline Geary is, just like him, a fan of the rock band the Beatles. “During dinner we started talking about music, and I happened to mention that I like the Beatles, and then—what are the odds?—she told me she likes the Beatles, too,” an astonished Holdtman told reporters, shaking his head in delighted surprise. “I couldn’t believe it! And not only is she a fan, she’s actually familiar with a lot of the songs that were never hit singles, like “While My Guitar Gently Weeps” and “Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds.” She’s even into that big medley at the end of Abbey Road, which is one of my favorite Beatles recordings ever. Amazing!” At press time, Holdtman had spoken on the phone with Geary and was shocked to discover that she also enjoys both part one and part two of The Godfather.

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