00:00:04.040,00:00:06.540 Welcome back to Sports Dome. It's the startling conffession that 00:00:06.810,00:00:08.310 has the whole sports world buzzing. 00:00:08.740,00:00:11.080 Soccer has come out of the coloset to tell the world it's gay. 00:00:11.480,00:00:14.820 A FIFA spokesperson made the announcement at a press conference earlier today. 00:00:15.220,00:00:20.490 -Soccer is not ashamed of what it is. Soccer is a gay sport. 00:00:20.790,00:00:26.260 Youth league soccer, the MLS, even the world cup, all of it is completely gay. 00:00:26.690,00:00:28.430 Joining us now to discuss the impact of all of this, 00:00:28.760,00:00:30.700 is OSN Senior Analyst, Reggy Greengrass. 00:00:31.160,00:00:34.360 Reggy, why did soccer choose to come out now? -Mark league officials said that soccer 00:00:34.640,00:00:36.580 was just tired of pretending to be something it's not. 00:00:36.840,00:00:39.940 Deep down, soccer is about a bunch of guys running around not touching poke-adot 00:00:40.270,00:00:43.210 ball not touching it with their hands. It shouldn't have to hide how gay it is. 00:00:43.420,00:00:44.850 -Now, will this change the way the game is played? 00:00:45.140,00:00:48.380 -No. If anything I think we'll see a firmer committment to the gayest parts of soccer, 00:00:48.650,00:00:50.280 -Interesting. -Players will free now to do their 00:00:50.480,00:00:52.110 bicycle kicks, juggle the ball with their knees. 00:00:52.350,00:00:55.790 And generally just be as gay as they want to be without worrying about what people think. 00:00:56.190,00:00:58.490 -You know it must have been difficult for soccer to hide the fact that it's gay 00:00:58.690,00:00:59.820 for so long. -Absolutely. 00:01:00.160,00:01:03.160 From ancient Greece to modern day France, there has never been a time when soccer, 00:01:03.360,00:01:04.660 wasn't extremely gay. 00:01:04.960,00:01:09.200 -Yeah and as recently as 1885 a London tabloid ran a salacious story about soccer. 00:01:09.570,00:01:12.770 -Rummors like that are what caused soccer to go great lengths to hide it's secret. 00:01:13.110,00:01:16.650 We saw in the early 90's when soccer tried to project an overly macho image. 00:01:16.980,00:01:18.080 Headlines by Alexi Lala. 00:01:18.380,00:01:21.180 -Well in retrospect it's so obvious soccer was just over-compensating. 00:01:21.460,00:01:23.950 -Yeah, apparently it wasn't until David Beckham came along that soccer 00:01:24.180,00:01:25.720 began to edge it's way out of the closet. 00:01:26.120,00:01:28.190 -Yeah, and there's even been some backlash from within soccer. 00:01:28.420,00:01:30.690 16 year old Varsity high-school player Jeff Goetter, 00:01:30.960,00:01:34.600 he released a statement saying "I don't condone or accept soccer being gay, 00:01:34.900,00:01:37.770 I don't like gay things, I don't like being around gay things." 00:01:38.000,00:01:40.240 -Hey look. Of course alot of people arn't prepared to play a gays sport. 00:01:40.540,00:01:41.100 -Right. 00:01:41.300,00:01:42.840 -But fact of the matter is, soccer's out. It's proud, 00:01:43.070,00:01:46.170 it's gonna tell the world, "look at me, I'm gay! Yeah I'm gay." 00:01:46.540,00:01:48.140 -Gay things comes in all shapes and sizes. Thanks Reg. 00:01:48.440,00:01:52.210 When we come back, americas top high school masscot has signed a letter of intent, 00:01:52.410,00:01:54.010 to annoy people in UCLA. 00:01:54.580,00:01:57.580 -Alot of networks report the news as it happens. 00:01:57.860,00:02:01.660 But only one has the power to report the news before it happens. 00:02:02.190,00:02:04.760 Through our state of the art Worm-Hole Satelite, 00:02:05.060,00:02:08.900 the Onion News Network Future Channel brings you exclusive news transmissions, 00:02:09.200,00:02:11.300 from the year 2137. 00:02:11.760,00:02:15.600 Because to stay ahead in today's world, you need to know what's going to happen 00:02:15.880,00:02:18.870 in tomorrows.