Sochi’s Euthanized Dogs To Be Returned To Streets After Olympics

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Vol 50 Issue 07

Self-Conscious Flasher Fully Clothed Under Trench Coat

Delighted health insurance executives gather in an outdoor coliseum to watch a patient battle cancer, Anderson Cooper decides to keep his recent gay conversion therapy private, and a self-conscious flasher is fully clothed under his trench coat.

Study: Best, Most Important Memories Made Before Age 25

A recent study on retirees found that most people make their most important or life-changing memories before age 25, with subjects listing life transitions such as marriage and having children as their most important moments in life.

So-Called Christian Has Erection

COLORADO SPRINGS, CO—Alarmed and appalled sources confirmed today that in complete defiance of his biblical duty to live a life that is holy and pleasing to God, local 27-year-old and so-called Christian Jeff Daugherty currently has an erection. Dau...
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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Fantasy Sports

Little League Pitcher Just Getting Fucking Shelled

RED BANK, NJ—After watching the 11-year-old give up the fourth straight double that inning, sources confirmed Sunday afternoon that local Little League pitcher Dustin Bauer is getting absolutely fucking shelled out there.

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