Sochi’s Euthanized Dogs To Be Returned To Streets After Olympics

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Vol 50 Issue 07

Self-Conscious Flasher Fully Clothed Under Trench Coat

Delighted health insurance executives gather in an outdoor coliseum to watch a patient battle cancer, Anderson Cooper decides to keep his recent gay conversion therapy private, and a self-conscious flasher is fully clothed under his trench coat.

Study: Best, Most Important Memories Made Before Age 25

A recent study on retirees found that most people make their most important or life-changing memories before age 25, with subjects listing life transitions such as marriage and having children as their most important moments in life.

So-Called Christian Has Erection

COLORADO SPRINGS, CO—Alarmed and appalled sources confirmed today that in complete defiance of his biblical duty to live a life that is holy and pleasing to God, local 27-year-old and so-called Christian Jeff Daugherty currently has an erection. Dau...
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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Good Times

Man Considers Nodding Approvingly After Friend’s Drink Purchase

MEQUON, WI—Seeking to convey his endorsement of his acquaintance's selection at local bar Coney's Draft House this evening, area man Thomas Dodge told reporters that he was considering nodding approvingly at his friend’s alcoholic beverage pur...

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