00:00:00.000,00:00:03.000
Captions by www.SubPLY.com
. . . . . . . . . . . . .
00:00:06.770,00:00:09.770
Tech savvy consumers are lining up
today to be the first to purchase
00:00:10.180,00:00:12.480
Sony's brand new stupid piece of shit
that doesn't do the
00:00:12.680,00:00:14.150
goddamn thing it's f#*king
supposed to.
00:00:15.080,00:00:17.820
Onion News Network Tech Trends
reporter, Jeff Tate has more.
00:00:18.630,00:00:21.200
Thanks, Brandon.
It's being called the biggest
00:00:21.460,00:00:24.050
f#*king waste of your hard earned
money to come along in years.
00:00:24.530,00:00:26.870
Sony's new stupid box thing
hit the shelves
00:00:27.060,00:00:29.160
at crowded malls and
overpriced electronic stores
00:00:29.630,00:00:30.860
around the country today.
00:00:31.300,00:00:34.730
It's got a whole bunch
more memory and megapixels
00:00:35.100,00:00:37.200
and what not, than any of the other
TV shit that I already have.
00:00:37.640,00:00:39.310
I can't wait to get home and
spend my whole f#*king night
00:00:39.740,00:00:41.340
trying to figure the
goddamn thing out.
00:00:41.540,00:00:42.970
If you can somehow claw
and bit your way
00:00:43.180,00:00:44.650
through the impossible
to open packaging,
00:00:45.050,00:00:47.250
this stupid piece of shit offers
the wide variety
00:00:47.450,00:00:48.520
of frustrating as hell
functions.
00:00:48.920,00:00:52.090
Including, flashing random f#*king words
and numbers on its display screen.
00:00:52.490,00:00:54.830
Not coming with the f#*king
little do hickey thing it's supposed to.
00:00:55.220,00:00:57.120
And being goddamned
ass backward as f#*k.
00:00:57.560,00:00:59.660
Sony spokesman Alan Compton said,
the company designed
00:01:00.090,00:01:02.490
this sucking, f#*king goddamn
thing to make everyone
00:01:02.930,00:01:05.200
in the modern home want to
tear their f#*king eyeballs out.
00:01:05.900,00:01:08.100
We listened hard to what our customers
said they wanted the most
00:01:08.570,00:01:10.470
out of their own home
entertainment system.
00:01:10.800,00:01:14.640
And then, we pumped out this
impossible to use fucking piece of shit.
00:01:15.040,00:01:17.640
Anyone mystified by the device's
numerous, extraneous features,
00:01:17.840,00:01:19.780
can scroll through the
interactive help menu.
00:01:20.180,00:01:22.050
A labyrinth themed maze of
indecipherable topics
00:01:22.450,00:01:23.350
of use to f#*king no one.
00:01:24.020,00:01:25.960
We want people to be
screaming in unison
00:01:26.390,00:01:28.960
from houses across the country,
work, work,
00:01:29.360,00:01:30.430
you c#*k sucking
piece of shit.
00:01:30.820,00:01:31.890
What is wrong with you?
00:01:32.500,00:01:33.530
Why can't you work like
a normal machine?
00:01:33.960,00:01:35.730
With a 100 million dollar
nationwide campaign,
00:01:35.930,00:01:37.800
to plaster irritating
ass advertisements
00:01:38.200,00:01:39.170
for the retarded
hunk of garbage,
00:01:39.570,00:01:41.070
every single goddamn
place you look,
00:01:41.500,00:01:44.170
Sony is expecting it to
become the next f#*king gizmo
00:01:44.370,00:01:46.510
you absolutely have to
f#*king own
00:01:46.710,00:01:48.440
if you don't want to feel
like a toothless hillbilly
00:01:48.840,00:01:50.340
living in some hillbilly
shack somewhere.
00:01:50.840,00:01:51.680
I love bullshit like this.
00:01:52.150,00:01:55.590
Basically, I'll buy any goddamn thing
that I see in an add.
00:01:55.780,00:01:57.980
The f#*king piece of shit
is available now. - Fuck.
00:01:58.390,00:02:00.530
So, run out and pick one up,
and invite all of your friends over
00:02:00.990,00:02:03.180
to see if any of them
can figure out
00:02:03.560,00:02:05.130
this motherf#*king
time vampire. - F#*k.
00:02:05.330,00:02:06.800
Unless one of them is a rocket scientist,
Sony pretty much
00:02:07.320,00:02:08.930
guaran-f#*king-tees
they'll have no chance.
00:02:09.540,00:02:11.500
For the Onion New Network,
I'm Jeff Tate.
00:02:12.230,00:02:14.600
Thanks, Jeff. Sony says they
plan to release an upgraded
00:02:14.800,00:02:16.470
800 GB version
of this piece of shit
00:02:16.900,00:02:17.800
by the end of the year.
00:02:18.240,00:02:20.510
Just when you figured out the goddamn
remote control for this one.
00:02:21.140,00:02:23.080
It never ends, this shit.
00:02:23.910,00:02:28.680
STILL AHEAD THIS HOUR
McCain gearing up for 2012 funeral
Playlists
Label
