00:00:00.000,00:00:03.000 Captions by www.SubPLY.com . . . . . . . . . . . . . 00:00:06.770,00:00:09.770 Tech savvy consumers are lining up today to be the first to purchase 00:00:10.180,00:00:12.480 Sony's brand new stupid piece of shit that doesn't do the 00:00:12.680,00:00:14.150 goddamn thing it's f#*king supposed to. 00:00:15.080,00:00:17.820 Onion News Network Tech Trends reporter, Jeff Tate has more. 00:00:18.630,00:00:21.200 Thanks, Brandon. It's being called the biggest 00:00:21.460,00:00:24.050 f#*king waste of your hard earned money to come along in years. 00:00:24.530,00:00:26.870 Sony's new stupid box thing hit the shelves 00:00:27.060,00:00:29.160 at crowded malls and overpriced electronic stores 00:00:29.630,00:00:30.860 around the country today. 00:00:31.300,00:00:34.730 It's got a whole bunch more memory and megapixels 00:00:35.100,00:00:37.200 and what not, than any of the other TV shit that I already have. 00:00:37.640,00:00:39.310 I can't wait to get home and spend my whole f#*king night 00:00:39.740,00:00:41.340 trying to figure the goddamn thing out. 00:00:41.540,00:00:42.970 If you can somehow claw and bit your way 00:00:43.180,00:00:44.650 through the impossible to open packaging, 00:00:45.050,00:00:47.250 this stupid piece of shit offers the wide variety 00:00:47.450,00:00:48.520 of frustrating as hell functions. 00:00:48.920,00:00:52.090 Including, flashing random f#*king words and numbers on its display screen. 00:00:52.490,00:00:54.830 Not coming with the f#*king little do hickey thing it's supposed to. 00:00:55.220,00:00:57.120 And being goddamned ass backward as f#*k. 00:00:57.560,00:00:59.660 Sony spokesman Alan Compton said, the company designed 00:01:00.090,00:01:02.490 this sucking, f#*king goddamn thing to make everyone 00:01:02.930,00:01:05.200 in the modern home want to tear their f#*king eyeballs out. 00:01:05.900,00:01:08.100 We listened hard to what our customers said they wanted the most 00:01:08.570,00:01:10.470 out of their own home entertainment system. 00:01:10.800,00:01:14.640 And then, we pumped out this impossible to use fucking piece of shit. 00:01:15.040,00:01:17.640 Anyone mystified by the device's numerous, extraneous features, 00:01:17.840,00:01:19.780 can scroll through the interactive help menu. 00:01:20.180,00:01:22.050 A labyrinth themed maze of indecipherable topics 00:01:22.450,00:01:23.350 of use to f#*king no one. 00:01:24.020,00:01:25.960 We want people to be screaming in unison 00:01:26.390,00:01:28.960 from houses across the country, work, work, 00:01:29.360,00:01:30.430 you c#*k sucking piece of shit. 00:01:30.820,00:01:31.890 What is wrong with you? 00:01:32.500,00:01:33.530 Why can't you work like a normal machine? 00:01:33.960,00:01:35.730 With a 100 million dollar nationwide campaign, 00:01:35.930,00:01:37.800 to plaster irritating ass advertisements 00:01:38.200,00:01:39.170 for the retarded hunk of garbage, 00:01:39.570,00:01:41.070 every single goddamn place you look, 00:01:41.500,00:01:44.170 Sony is expecting it to become the next f#*king gizmo 00:01:44.370,00:01:46.510 you absolutely have to f#*king own 00:01:46.710,00:01:48.440 if you don't want to feel like a toothless hillbilly 00:01:48.840,00:01:50.340 living in some hillbilly shack somewhere. 00:01:50.840,00:01:51.680 I love bullshit like this. 00:01:52.150,00:01:55.590 Basically, I'll buy any goddamn thing that I see in an add. 00:01:55.780,00:01:57.980 The f#*king piece of shit is available now. - Fuck. 00:01:58.390,00:02:00.530 So, run out and pick one up, and invite all of your friends over 00:02:00.990,00:02:03.180 to see if any of them can figure out 00:02:03.560,00:02:05.130 this motherf#*king time vampire. - F#*k. 00:02:05.330,00:02:06.800 Unless one of them is a rocket scientist, Sony pretty much 00:02:07.320,00:02:08.930 guaran-f#*king-tees they'll have no chance. 00:02:09.540,00:02:11.500 For the Onion New Network, I'm Jeff Tate. 00:02:12.230,00:02:14.600 Thanks, Jeff. Sony says they plan to release an upgraded 00:02:14.800,00:02:16.470 800 GB version of this piece of shit 00:02:16.900,00:02:17.800 by the end of the year. 00:02:18.240,00:02:20.510 Just when you figured out the goddamn remote control for this one. 00:02:21.140,00:02:23.080 It never ends, this shit. 00:02:23.910,00:02:28.680 STILL AHEAD THIS HOUR McCain gearing up for 2012 funeral