Study: Majority Of Children Lack Strong Male Supermodels

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Vol 49 Issue 34

Breaking Bad

AMC 9 p.m. EDT/8 p.m. CDT LeVar Burton takes children out to a river, where they catch rainbow trout and try to discern the fish’s personality just by how it flops around on the shore.

Monday, September 2

Due to budget cuts, beginning next week the library is replacing Movie Mondays with Blondie Comic–Reading Mondays.

$80,000 Wedding Beautiful

The Obama family adopts a 44-Year-Old Portuguese water man, a report shows that employers know within the first five minutes whether or not they will murder an applicant, and well, the neighbors just got a pitbull.

Chuck Klosterman Corners Guy At Party Wearing Dio Shirt

NEW YORK—Author Chuck Klosterman reportedly cornered a guy who was wearing a Dio shirt at a party Thursday evening and dominated an exhaustive discussion on the metal band, addressing the group’s fantasy themes, deconstructing lyrics, and expo...

Ben Affleck To Play Batman

The president of Warner Bros. announced yesterday that Ben Affleck will play the role of Batman in the 2015 sequel to this summer’s Man of Steel, in which Batman will join forces with Superman.
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Study: Majority Of Children Lack Strong Male Supermodels

WASHINGTON—A troubling new report from the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services revealed Thursday that fewer than 4 percent of American children have a strong male supermodel in their lives. “During their formative years, it is essential that our young people have a lean, strong-jawed Adonis to look up to,” said the department’s deputy secretary, Bill Corr, adding that many children don’t even have a father at home, let alone one who is “chiseled and knows how to look good in anything.” “In America today, the percentage of fathers, uncles, and male educators who have high cheekbones and wax all of their body hair is at an all-time low. With such a lack of positive examples, how will our kids learn to handle themselves in a photoshoot or on the runway? Who will teach them important life skills like showing up on time, making bedroom eyes at the camera, and pursing one’s lips while squinting?” Corr also expressed his concern that without enough positive male supermodels, today’s children may never grow to feel comfortable getting in front of the camera in their underwear.

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