Witch Who Granted Beyoncé Beauty And Fame Takes Singer's First-Born Child
Moments after Beyoncé gave birth, a witch appeared in a cloud of smoke to claim the child as her payment for giving the singer fame, beauty, and talent.
Beyonce fans around the world
were thrilled
when the multi-platinum singer
gave birth to a healthy baby girl
earlier this week.
But that excitement
quickly turned to shock
when the witch who granted Beyonce
her perfect singing voice
15 years ago
appeared in a cloud of smoke
and demanded
the star's first-born child.
Gossip columnist Bryan Spees
is here with all the details.
Hey Angelique.
-Hey Bryan.
I cannot believe this.
-Well believe it Angelique.
The old hag has queen bee's baby
right now
and apparently it is totally legit.
-How so?
When Beyonce was a young girl,
she met a magical witch
named Grisora in the woods
while gathering berries.
And Grisora told Beyonce
that she would make her sing
with the unmatched beauty
of 1000 nightingales
in return for her firstborn child.
But why didn't Beyonce
mention it to anyone?
Inside sources are saying
that she thought the witch
would actually forget about it
over a time.
What? But Grisora didn't obviously.
-No, she didn't.
And unbeknownst to Beyonce,
she's actually been keeping tabs
on the singer
as evidenced in this photo.
Apparently she was even
in the front row at the VMAs,
very hard to get seats,
when Beyonce revealed
her baby bump.
So obviously the second that baby
came out into the world,
Grisora was right there to snatch it
out of Beyonce's arms
saying: "I have come for what
is mine. Give me the babe."
This is such a nightmare. How is
Jay-Z responding to all of this?
Oh, poor Jay-Z. He offered Grisora
a room filled with gold
if she would let them
keep the baby
but from what I can tell,
Angelique,
that nasty crone
ain't giving back that baby.
Well it doesn't sound like it.
Grisora made this statement
to the press earlier today.
Do not weep for Beyonce.
It was she who made the deal
and signed it in her own blood.
These starlets have got to stop
making deals with magical creatures
because it always gets them
in trouble.
I know, absolutely.
We saw when the genie granted
Jennifer Aniston eternal youth
but then the eternal youth
turned out to mean
that she'll never grow up
by having a lasting relationship
or children.
Duh. Also we saw when Christina
Ricci asked a wizard
to make her skinny,
but the catch was
he could make her head
as big as he wanted.
That was so sad.
-It was awful.
Hopefully this story
will be a wake-up call
for all other aspiring celebrities.
-Yes, I'm sure it will be. Thanks.
Thank you so much
for being with us Bryan.
Anytime Ang. -Alright, it's time
to test your star knowledge.
Which A-list Hollywood hunk
did this entertainment reporter
have sex with yesterday
in a golf cart
parked on the Warner Brothers
lot?
We'll let you know
when we come back.
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