LocalMan Waiting Until Wife And Kids Asleep To Go Masturbate Under Christmas TreePOUGHKEEPSIE, NY—Staying up late to make sure he could pleasure himself without anyone noticing, local man Dylan Utley was reportedly waiting until his wife and kids were asleep Sunday to go and masturbate under the Christmas tree. “Hopefully I can…
Breaking NewsThis Week In Breaking News December 22, 2023A collection of the most important breaking news posts of the week
EntertainmentConservatives React To The ‘Woke’ Barbie MovieWith some critics calling the blockbuster hit a “feminist nightmare,” The Onion asked conservatives what they thought of the “woke” Barbie movie, and this is what they said.
LocalWoman Will Always Remember Deceased Grandmother As Person Whose House Family Had To Visit Sometimes
LocalExhausted Billionaire Just Wants To Curl Up And Rewatch Enslaved Hugh Grant And Julia Roberts Perform ‘Notting Hill’ At Gunpoint
LocalWoke Christmas Gifts To Avoid For Your Patriotic RelativesThe libs have ruined everything from beer to sex, and they are determined to ruin Christmas too. The following are woke gifts you should never buy for your patriotic relatives.
PoliticsNation’s Politicians Exhausted After Another Day Of Tirelessly Serving The Will Of The PeopleWASHINGTON—Wiping their brows as they pushed through hour after hour of hard, honest work, the nation’s politicians confirmed Tuesday that they were exhausted from another long day of tirelessly serving the will of the people. “Between listening…
PoliticsCandidates Spend GOP Debate Trying To Hog-Tie Greased-Up Nude Man Representing Woke Mind Virus
Breaking NewsNew Law Requires Flight Passengers To Go At Least 5 Feet Out On Wing If They Want To Smoke
Breaking NewsPope Francis Presses Face Against Steamy Glass Door In Fervent Approval Of Same-Sex Showers
FootballModern-Day Mother Teresa Waits For Player On Stretcher To Give Thumbs-Up Before Considering Fantasy Implications
FootballFrustrated Robert Kraft Wishes There Were Somewhere He Could Go To Relieve Tension Of Patriots Season
