News in BriefSilicon Valley Billionaires Unveil Diversity Initiative To Replace 60% Of Own Blood With Transfusion From Young People Of ColorPALO ALTO, CA—Guaranteeing that candidates from a wide array of backgrounds would play part in helping them live forever, a coalition of Silicon Valley billionaires unveiled a new diversity initiative Friday to replace 60% of their own blood with…
The TopicalNew Crest Sweepstakes Offers Chance To Win 10 Million TeethPlus, a new presidential poll shows each candidate’s name, followed by a number, then a percentage sign. But what do they mean?
News in Brief‘I Want You To Love Again One Day,’ Whispers Dying Man Clearly Overestimating Amount Of Grief Wife Will ExperienceNORFOLK, VA—Mustering the last of his strength to turn and face his wife, local dying man Stanley Tarrington, 58, reportedly used his final labored breaths Wednesday to tell Mary Anne Tarrington, 54, that she should one day love another, a clear…
Sports News In BriefApologetic DeSean Jackson Pledges To Learn More By Going To Hitler MuseumPHILADELPHIA—Responding to the backlash after posting a quote misattributed to the Nazi leader on his Instagram page, an apologetic DeSean Jackson pledged to deepen his understanding of anti-semitism by visiting the Hitler Museum. “I know I screwed…
Sports News In BriefCam Newton Scrambling To Get Up To Speed After Patriots Send Him Playbook Of Every NFL Team
News in BriefPanicking Professional Poker Player Suddenly Can’t Remember Whether Ace Is Better Than King
News in BriefYeah, Yeah, Nation Gets It, We Rapidly Approaching End Of Critical Window To Avert Climate Collapse Or Whatever
News in BriefCongress Announces Willingness To Offer Black Lives Matter Protesters Holiday Or StatueWASHINGTON—Emphasizing the importance of taking concrete steps to address systemic racism and police brutality in the United States, Congress reportedly announced Monday their willingness to offer Black Lives Matter protesters a holiday or statue.…
News in BriefBiden Campaign Fundraising Email Reminds Donors Sexual Assault Allegations Don’t Bury Themselves
News In PhotosGeorgia Secretary Of State Vows To Investigate Why Some Residents Forced To Wait 2 Centuries To Vote
News in BriefCity Enters Phase 4 Of Pretending Coronavirus OverDALLAS—Saying the city remained on track for progressing into the final stage, Mayor Eric Johnson told Dallas residents Friday that they would soon officially be entering Phase 4 of pretending the coronavirus was over. “Thanks to the efforts of…
NewsCome On: Someone Just Spray-Painted ‘Gamers Rule’ On The Taj Mahal And, While We Generally Agree, It’s Pretty Messed Up To Deface A Cultural Landmark
News in BriefGamers, We Just Spent 4 Days Trapped In A Rolled-Over Minivan And We’re Genuinely Pissed That Nobody Reported Us Missing When We Didn’t Cover The ‘Ratchet & Clank’ News
News in BriefEconomist Has Great Idea For Sitcom Where Keynesian And Friedmanite Have To Live Together
Sports News In BriefCam Newton Scrambling To Get Up To Speed After Patriots Send Him Playbook Of Every NFL Team
