Special CoverageInternational Women’s DayI is quite likely that without the backing of organizations like The Onion, women would simply vanish from the public consciousness entirely.
CommentaryMy Wife’s A GirlJoe Biden: “The only way to empower girls is to be a guy who is married to a girl.”
CommentaryI Am No Longer A Feminist After Watching Some YouTube VideosMalala Yousafzai: “If you took just a few minutes to watch the videos that YouTube recommends, you’d realize you are the one who is brainwashed.”
PoliticsDemocrats Demand Republicans Push Anti-Trans Agenda More QuietlyWASHINGTON—Emphasizing that they could no longer stand by and watch the GOP’s annoyingly public-facing attacks, Democrats demanded Wednesday that Republicans begin pushing their anti-trans agenda more quietly. “We the Democratic Party, officially…
Now playing 00:36TikTokArchaeologists Theorize England’s Mysterious Big Ben Monument Originally Constructed To Measure Time
Breaking NewsBiggest Lies Norfolk Southern Has Told East Palestine ResidentsSince a train carrying hundreds of thousands of pounds of toxic chemicals derailed in East Palestine, OH, railroad executives have repeatedly lied to the town’s residents about the accident’s severity. Here are the biggest lies that Norfolk Southern…
Breaking NewsWalgreens Clarifies Stores Still Selling Plenty Of Household Products That’ll Abort A Fetus
LocalMan Too Chickenshit To Blow Up Oil Refinery Guesses He’ll Try To Eat More LocallyDALLAS—Neither bold nor committed enough to enact true environmental change, local chickenshit Anthony Stanback decided Tuesday that instead of blowing up an oil refinery, he would try to eat more locally sourced food. “I guess it wouldn’t hurt to…
PoliticsCongress Considers Banning TikTok After App Makes Every Senator BulimicWASHINGTON—Unveiling a potential bill aimed at combating what members described as a grave risk to public safety, Congress announced Tuesday that it was considering a ban on TikTok after the app made every senator bulimic. “We cannot in good…
PoliticsStable, Content Woman Only Has A Few Months Left Before Thinking About Ron DeSantis Every Day
SlideshowConservatives Explain Why They Are Homeschooling Their KidsFor some conservatives, no school can be “anti-woke” enough. The Onion asked right-wing Americans why they are homeschooling their kids, and this is what they said.
Special CoverageInternational Women’s DayWomen form an embattled—yet vitally important—minority across the developed world, with recent census estimates suggesting there could be as many as 15,000 of them in the United States alone. Precisely because of the challenges women face, our most…
EntertainmentNetflix Announces There No Way In Hell It Giving Biden 5-Episode Nature Special After Office
FootballNew NFL Combine Drill Tests Player’s Ability To Half-Ass Taping Of Local Sandwich Shop Commercial
Football‘I Hope Joe Burrow Takes A Team-Friendly Deal,’ Says Fan Who Will Be Laid Off Without Severance
