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Teen On Brink Of Experiencing Incredible Journey Of Motherhood Instead Asks Boyfriend To Use Condom

ASHBY, NE—In what experts are decrying as an utter failure to embrace one of life’s greatest opportunities, fertile woman Ashley Wilson, 16, reportedly hesitated on the first step of the incredible journey of motherhood Monday and instead asked her boyfriend to use a condom. “You have protection, right?” said Wilson,…

‘I’m Going To Hell For Laughing At This Meme,’ Says Man Going To Hell For Helping Little Sister Get Abortion

KEARNEY, NJ—Convinced that he was going “straight to hell” for chuckling at a “rule 34” meme involving Peppa Pig, local man Kevin Morgan was reportedly unaware Monday that he would, in fact, suffer eternal damnation for helping his sister get an abortion. “Oh, man, this is so wrong and I know I’ll rot in hell for…