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The Onion Looks Back At 188 Trimesters Of Reproductive Rights In America

Illustration for Frustrated Political Scientist Patton Oswalt Attempts To Explain Gerrymandering Without Help Of Visual Aids

The Topical

The Topical: Frustrated Political Scientist Patton Oswalt Attempts To Explain Gerrymandering Without Help Of Visual Aids

American Voices

NASA Confirms Evidence Of Water On Moon

Editorial Cartoon

Editorial Cartoon: Jerking From Home

Lori Lightfoot Unveils Plan To Replace Chicago’s Public Transit System With Police

CHICAGO—Explaining it was the only way to close the city’s projected $1.2 billion budget shortfall, Mayor Lori Lightfoot unveiled a plan Tuesday to abolish the Chicago Transit Authority and replace it with police. “Starting next year, our entire…

The Onion Looks Back At 188 Trimesters Of Reproductive Rights In America

The Topical: Frustrated Political Scientist Patton Oswalt Attempts To Explain Gerrymandering Without Help Of Visual Aids

NASA Confirms Evidence Of Water On Moon

Editorial Cartoon: Jerking From Home

Lori Lightfoot Unveils Plan To Replace Chicago’s Public Transit System With Police

Republicans Rushing To Confirm 6 More Supreme Court Justices Before Election

New Parents Freaked Out Upon Learning That Babies Can Live Up To 100 Years

Old-School Baseball Fan Doesn’t Need Some Formula To Tell Him Which Players Have Best WAR, wOBA

NASA Announces Moon Will Be Leaving Earth’s Orbit To Take On New Position With Bigger Planet

Armenia, Azerbaijan Announce They Will Only Agree To Ceasefire That Allows Them To Still Shoot Missiles At Each Other

Clayton Kershaw Insists He’s Still Fresh Enough To Melt Down Out Of The Bullpen

New Environmental Initiative Calls For Planting 20 Million New Earths

Man Sucked Down Obscure Internet Rabbit Hole Of Learning About Down-Ballot Candidates

Wildfire Makes List Of Spots To Hit On Return Trip To California Next Summer

Frustrated Habitat For Humanity Workers Forced To Shoo Jimmy Carter Out Of Yet Another House

A Truly Glorious Time! A New Generation of Young Adults Are Now Able To Experience Borat’s Bare Ass

Amy Coney Barrett Promises Catholic Faith Won’t Interfere With Court’s Crushing Of The Poor, Downtrodden

Right-Wing Militia Wondering When Someone Will Notice They’ve Been Holding J.B. Pritzker Hostage For Months

How Trump Can Beat Biden

‘Poll Watching Is Not Voter Intimidation,’ Trump Supporter Whispers Into Ear Of Man Filling Out Ballot In Voting Booth

‘Thank God I Voted Absentee In Whatever Dumb Ohio Town I’m From,’ Say Brooklyn Residents

Election Experts Worry Record Voter Turnout Could Make Nation Look Like A Bunch Of Dorks

Frustrated Political Scientist Patton Oswalt Attempts To Explain Gerrymandering Without Help Of Visual Aids

Health Experts Determine College Social Distancing Guidelines Still No Match For The Jasonator

Man Cannot For The Life Of Him Understand Why Wife Enjoys TV Show Marketed Toward Married 30-50-Year-Old Women

Mom Won’t Stop Talking About How Doctor Praised Her Colonoscopy Preparation

Old Man Remembers When Things Cost Roughly The Same As Now After Adjusting For Inflation

Liberal Man Worried Biden Victory Would Immediately Reignite Discussions About Having Kids

Mask Accidentally Leaves House Without Face

What To Read While Social Distancing

10 Breathtaking Photos That Perfectly Capture The Unwavering Spirit Of Scissors

How To Stay Connected To Others During Social Distancing

11 Simple Cocktail Recipes To Try While Quarantining

‘Horizon Zero Dawn’ Star Ashly Burch Teaches Her Top Tricks For Aspiring Video Game Voice Actors

Talk Around The Con: The Most Insane Quotes We Heard Around OGE

Highlights Of The Onion Gamers Expo: Part 2

Highlights Of The Onion Gamers Expo: Part 1

5 Things To Know About Cameo

5 Things To Know About Amy Coney Barrett

How Someone Becomes A Saint

How To Turn A Side Hustle Into A Business

Aaron Sorkin Defends Taking Liberties With Scene In Which All Members Of Chicago 7 Endorse Joe Biden

David Blaine Wakes Up In Cold Sweat From Nightmare In Which He Dies Of Natural Causes

Bob Dylan Not Exactly Rising To Occasion As Far As Current Protest Music Goes

Psychic Already Sick Of Spectral James Randi Ragging On Her From Afterlife

Old-School Baseball Fan Doesn’t Need Some Formula To Tell Him Which Players Have Best WAR, wOBA

Antonio Brown Agrees To One-Year Plea Deal With Tampa Bay Buccaneers

Clayton Kershaw Insists He’s Still Fresh Enough To Melt Down Out Of The Bullpen

Buccaneers Unnerved By Jason Pierre-Paul Celebrating Touchdowns By Lighting Fireworks On Sideline

NASA Confirms Evidence Of Water On Moon

Jerking From Home

Nxivm Cult Leader Faces Sentencing

U.S. Hits Record Coronavirus Cases 2 Days In A Row