After An Island-Wide Blackout Left Millions Of Puerto Ricans Without Power, This Amazing Charity Air-Dropped Printouts Of The Most Epic Trump Takedowns On Twitter

Here’s heartwarming proof that some people will stop at nothing to offer help in a dire situation.

Puerto Rico was struck by disaster yet again Wednesday afternoon when an issue with a transmission tower caused the entire island to lose power. But in the face of this adversity, an incredible disaster relief…

Mike Pompeo Defects To North Korea After Learning About Kim Jong-Un’s Torture Program

PYONGYANG—Declaring that he has “finally, at long last, come home” to a society that properly aligns with his values, former C.I.A. director and U.S. Secretary of State candidate Mike Pompeo officially defected to the totalitarian nation Thursday after learning about Kim Jong-un’s torture program. “It’s amazing—the…

Mom Makes Sure Everyone Has Masturbated Before Long Car Ride

LANARK, IL—Adamant that there would be no unplanned pit stops until her family had reached its destination, local mom Mary Curran reportedly made sure that each of her teenage sons had masturbated to completion Thursday before a long car ride to their grandparents’ house. “It’s going to be three hours—maybe more with…

Advertisement

Nation’s Liberals Not Sure What To Think After Hearing Special Counsel Has Waterboarded Every Suspect In Trump Investigation

WASHINGTON—Stammering as they struggled to form an opinion about the surprising revelation, the nation’s liberals admitted Thursday they were not sure what to think after hearing U.S. Special Counsel Robert Mueller had waterboarded every suspect in his investigation into the Trump campaign. “I’ve stood firmly in…

Congress Not Sure What It Did To Make Trump Think It Wouldn’t Roll Over For Whatever He Wants In Syria

WASHINGTON—Following President Trump’s decision to launch airstrikes in Syria without seeking approval from Congress, GOP lawmakers reportedly asked what they had ever done to make the commander in chief think they wouldn’t immediately knuckle under and let him bomb whomever he wishes. “Honestly, he ought to know by…