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Strong Jobs Report Underscores Just How Much Of A Loser Unemployed Man Is

DUBUQUE, IA—After a stunning report indicated some 528,000 jobs were added to the U.S. economy during July, the Labor Department confirmed Friday that unemployed local man Chris Gibson must be more of a loser than had been previously believed. “For…

Strong Jobs Report Underscores Just How Much Of A Loser Unemployed Man Is

Californians Explain Why They Should Secede From The Nation

HHS Declares You Can’t Let Monkeypox Hold You Back If You Have Chance To Get Laid

Navy Spends Majority Of Boot Camp Training Recruits To Fence Using Marlins

Epidemiologist Blows Conch Horn After Spotting New Covid Variant Cresting Over Horizon

Doctors Suggest Treating Back Pain With Maybe Some Kind Of High-Tech Robot Back Thing

Biden: U.S. Won’t Rest Until Brittney Griner Returned Home To Serve Marijuana Possession Sentence

Alex Jones Concedes Sandy Hook Happened On Mars

The Onion’s Test Sweatshop Helps You Have Fun In The Sun

Earth Spinning Faster Than Usual, Has Shortest Day Ever

Slumping Aaron Judge Fails To Hit Home Run For Entire At-Bat

Dakota Johnson Runs Errands In Heels And Barely There Crop Top: You Wish, Pervert, She’s Wearing An Astronaut Suit

The Yeast They Could Do

What To Know About Pelosi’s Taiwan Trip

Americans Explain Why They Support Going To War With China

Kylie Jenner Criticized For Taking 12-Minute Flight On Private Endangered Whooping Crane

Pelosi Moved By China’s Spectacular Show Of Military Force Celebrating Her Visit To Asia

Single Voice Emerges From Whirlwind Of Chaos In Man’s Head To Suggest He Eat Oatmeal Raisin Cookie

Apologetic City Officials Admit Expressway Median Wasn’t Best Location For Off-Leash Dog Park

Refreshingly Frank Therapist Suggests Shooting President

Woman At That Age Where All Her Friends Getting Prosecuted For Losing Pregnancies

Man Thrown Out Of Club For Touching Stripper’s Heart

Frustrated Fire Truck Driver Takes Another Spin Around Block After Only Open Spot In Front Of Fire Hydrant

Desperate Biden Announces Halloween Will Now Happen Every Month

‘And I Want Your Tie Too,’ Says Sinema, Giving Biden Conditions Of Her Support For Bill

Nancy Pelosi Assures China Taiwan Visit Part Of Bachelorette Party She Didn’t Plan

Biggest Revelations From Josh Hawley’s New Book ‘Manhood’

Mitch McConnell Requests 50 Million Additional Gallons Of Floodwater For Kentucky Flood Victims

What To Say To Someone Who Denies Climate Change

Republicans Explain Why They Oppose Same-Sex Marriage

Wealthy New Yorkers Explain Why They Left The City

Republicans Explain Why They Voted Against Veterans’ Healthcare

Police Did Great Job, Police Say

Kylie Jenner Criticized For Taking 12-Minute Flight On Private Endangered Whooping Crane

Chicken Reacts To Fried Chicken Tutorial

Dakota Johnson Runs Errands In Heels And Barely There Crop Top: You Wish, Pervert, She’s Wearing An Astronaut Suit

Slumping Aaron Judge Fails To Hit Home Run For Entire At-Bat

Trump Hosts Saudi-Backed ‘Jamal Khashoggi Was No Saint’ Golf Tournament

Deshaun Watson: ‘I Was Under The Impression That The NFL Was Cool With This Stuff’

Rob Manfred Extends Olive Branch To Minor Leaguers By Letting Them Run Bases At MLB Stadium After Game

Men Reveal Why They’ve Decided To Get Vasectomies

Parents Explain Why They Are Not Vaccinating Their Children Against Covid-19

Airbnb Removes ‘Slave Quarters’ Listing Marketed As Luxury Getaway

Men Discuss How Abortions Have Affected Them