LocalFox News Viewers React To Rupert Murdoch Stepping DownFollowing the 92-year-old’s announcement that he was retiring from the Fox and News Corporation boards, The Onion asked Fox News viewers what they thought about Rupert Murdoch stepping down, and this is what they said.
LocalSmiling Dad Imagines Son Off At College Playing Video Games Alone Like He DidNEW BRUNSWICK, NJ—A pleasant, faraway expression overcoming his face, local father Matthew Worley reportedly smiled Friday as he imagined his 18-year-old son Mason off at college playing video games alone just like he did when he was in school.…
PoliticsSnickering Teen Angels Appear Before Mike Pence To Tell Him It’s Totally God’s Will To Keep Running For PresidentCARMEL, IN—Struggling to keep a straight face while addressing the Republican candidate, snickering teen angels reportedly appeared before Mike Pence Friday to tell him it was totally God’s will that he keep running for president. “God told us to…
LocalWoman Wakes Up In Cold Sweat Worried Cat Doesn’t Know It’s CuteSEATTLE—Sitting up with a terrified gasp as the realization shook her from her sleep, local woman Sarah Ostrowski reportedly woke up in a cold sweat Friday worried that her cat didn’t know how cute he was. “Oh my dear God, what if Winston is out…
Breaking NewsCancer Researchers Tout Huge Strides In Fight Against 350-Foot-Tall Tumor Terrorizing Manhattan
PoliticsZelensky Grabs Whatever Office Supplies He Can Get Hands On In Capitol, Saying He Needs It For War
Breaking NewsStudy Finds Drinking Children’s Blood No More Effective Than Regular Blood At Achieving Eternal Life
LocalCouple Ends Mutual Silent Treatment To Bond Over Disdain For Arrogant ‘Chopped’ ContestantSPOKANE, WA—No longer able to suppress their percolating irritation with the self-described “culinary prodigy,” local couple Kevin Cochran and Tina Hayes reportedly ended their mutual silent treatment Thursday to bond over their shared disdain for…
InfographicPros And Cons Of Impeaching Joe BidenHouse Speaker Kevin McCarthy (R-CA) called for a formal impeachment inquiry into President Joe Biden for corruption related to his alleged role in his son Hunter’s overseas business dealings. The Onion looks at the pros and cons of impeaching the…
Breaking NewsReport: Habsburgs Stopped Inbreeding One Generation Short Of Producing Perfect Human Specimen
EntertainmentBill Maher Returns To Show Over Fears Aging Fan Base Will Die Off Before Writers’ Strike Ends
