Breaking NewsEverything Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas Received From DonorsJustice Clarence Thomas has enjoyed luxury vacations, flights on private jets, and a number of other extravagant and incredibly expensive gifts while serving on the Supreme Court. The Onion examines everything Justice Thomas received from donors.
Breaking NewsBarack Obama Opens New Electronics StoreCHICAGO—Saying he was ready to start a new chapter in his post-presidency, Barack Obama spoke with reporters Friday about his latest project, opening an electronics store on the South Side of Chicago. “Back during the pandemic, when we were all…
SportsFox Sports Begin Search For New Fresh Body To Host Skip BaylessLOS ANGELES—Announcing that the network wanted to shake up their Undisputed coverage team, Fox Sports began a search this week for a new fresh body to host Skip Bayless. “We strive to offer our viewers the best coverage we can, and Skip is ready…
PoliticsPuzzled Biden Repeatedly Slams Hand Into Front Of Glass Display Case Attempting To Grab PastryWASHINGTON—Stopping at a local café for a quick bite between campaign events, a puzzled President Joe Biden repeatedly slammed his hand into the front of a glass display case while attempting to grab a pastry, sources confirmed Wednesday. “Well,…
Breaking NewsNew Healthcare Breakthroughs Provide Hope That Baby Boomers Will Never Leave Positions Of Power
MagazineThere’s Never Been A Better Time To Be Rich In America, So Why Aren’t Poor People Happy For Them?
Breaking NewsU.S. Government Criticized For Decades-Long Whoopee Cushion Project That Tested Pranks On Black People
Local‘Hey, I Know I Haven’t Posted Any New Music For A While,’ Begins Most Humiliating Social Media Post Of 37-Year-Old’s Life
PoliticsThe Onion’s Exclusive Interview With Mike PenceFollowing Donald Trump’s indictment on federal charges for attempting to overturn the 2020 election, Mike Pence has made headlines as a potential witness for the prosecution. The Onion sits down with the former vice president to discuss his…
Breaking NewsFBI Arrests Millions Of Americans Who Didn’t See ‘Sound Of Freedom’ Under Suspicion Of Child Trafficking
MagazineThere’s Never Been A Better Time To Be Rich In America, So Why Aren’t Poor People Happy For Them?
