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Drinks That Bartenders Hate The Most And Why

How New Olympic Sports Are Chosen

Diamonds Swapped For Pebbles In $5.8 Million Heist

Editorial Cartoon: ‘Testes Flights’

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Scrapped Plot Lines That Would Have Changed Your Favorite Movies Forever

Travis Bickle was originally going to cope with his disillusionment by getting really into cycling.

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Researchers Discover Galaxy-Sized Goldfish Astronauts Discarded From Space Shuttle In 1988

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Scarlett Johansson Sues Disney For Breach Of Contract That Guaranteed ‘Black Widow’ Would Never Be Released

LOS ANGELES—Alleging that the movie should have legally never been allowed to see the light of day, Scarlett Johansson reportedly sued Disney this week for breach of contract that guaranteed Black Widow would never be released. “To protect her…

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Music Festival Attendee Loves The High You Get From Mixing Ecstasy With Heatstroke

CHICAGO—Saying the combination created a sensory experience like no other, Lollapalooza attendee Emily Payne told reporters Friday that she loved the high you get from mixing ecstasy with heatstroke. “I swear, if you go five hours in the sun without…

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Olympians Describe Their Biggest Heartbreaks At The Games

“My silver medal turned my neck all green.”

News

Bad News Gamers: Kirby Has Been Expelled From The Garden Of Eden After Inhaling Fruit From The Tree Of Knowledge

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Bored Vaccination Worker Spends Afternoon With No Patients Stabbing Syringe Between Fingers

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CDC Director Alarmed After Googling ‘Covid Cases’ For First Time in Weeks

Basketball

Cade Cunningham Unmotivated After Zero Teams Pass On Him In NBA Draft

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Recently Divorced Man Understands Working Through Emotions Might Take 2 To 3 Days

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Conservatives Blast Simone Biles For Robbing Them Of Opportunity To Criticize Her Win

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‘Jungle Cruise’ Hailed As Thrilling Reminder To Cancel Disney+

Politics

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Nervous Biden Rushes Past Intimidating Circle Of Senators Smoking Weed On Capitol Steps

WASHINGTON—Clutching his briefcase and keeping his eyes averted as he approached, President Joe Biden rushed past an intimidating circle of senators smoking weed on the Capitol steps, sources confirmed Friday. “Excuse me, folks, just trying to get…

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Bat-Wielding Jim Jordan Bursts Through Capitol Window Demanding To Be Allowed Onto January 6 Committee

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Rosalynn Carter Scatters Peanut Shells Onto Bed To Prepare For Sensuous Date Night

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Republicans Worried Blind Worship Of Trump Overriding Traditional Values Like Blind Worship Of Reagan

Infographic

A Timeline Of U.S.–Haiti Relations

Local

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‘Well, Why Did I Get Vaccinated Then?’ Screams Burning Woman After Realizing She Can Still Catch Fire

YAKIMA, WA—Indignant over her continued ability to burn, visibly angry local woman Maria Williams, who is currently ablaze, asked aloud Tuesday why she even bothered to get a Covid-19 vaccine if it turned out she could still catch fire. “There’s no…

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Man Can Already See Difference In Body After Just One Week Of Starting To Decompose

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Broad-Shouldered Man Could Carry 7, No, 9 Whole Parrots

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Improv Theater’s Corporate Workshops Help Employees Realize Things Could Always Be Worse

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Woman Can Always Tell Period Coming By Way Doors Slam Shut, Lights Flicker

Videos

Drinks That Bartenders Hate The Most And Why

How New Olympic Sports Are Chosen

Diamonds Swapped For Pebbles In $5.8 Million Heist

Editorial Cartoon: ‘Testes Flights’

Scrapped Plot Lines That Would Have Changed Your Favorite Movies Forever

Researchers Discover Galaxy-Sized Goldfish Astronauts Discarded From Space Shuttle In 1988

Scarlett Johansson Sues Disney For Breach Of Contract That Guaranteed ‘Black Widow’ Would Never Be Released

Music Festival Attendee Loves The High You Get From Mixing Ecstasy With Heatstroke

Olympians Describe Their Biggest Heartbreaks At The Games

Bad News Gamers: Kirby Has Been Expelled From The Garden Of Eden After Inhaling Fruit From The Tree Of Knowledge

Bored Vaccination Worker Spends Afternoon With No Patients Stabbing Syringe Between Fingers

CDC Director Alarmed After Googling ‘Covid Cases’ For First Time in Weeks

Cade Cunningham Unmotivated After Zero Teams Pass On Him In NBA Draft

Recently Divorced Man Understands Working Through Emotions Might Take 2 To 3 Days

Conservatives Blast Simone Biles For Robbing Them Of Opportunity To Criticize Her Win

‘Jungle Cruise’ Hailed As Thrilling Reminder To Cancel Disney+

Nervous Biden Rushes Past Intimidating Circle Of Senators Smoking Weed On Capitol Steps

Bat-Wielding Jim Jordan Bursts Through Capitol Window Demanding To Be Allowed Onto January 6 Committee

Rosalynn Carter Scatters Peanut Shells Onto Bed To Prepare For Sensuous Date Night

Republicans Worried Blind Worship Of Trump Overriding Traditional Values Like Blind Worship Of Reagan

A Timeline Of U.S.–Haiti Relations

‘Well, Why Did I Get Vaccinated Then?’ Screams Burning Woman After Realizing She Can Still Catch Fire

Man Can Already See Difference In Body After Just One Week Of Starting To Decompose

Broad-Shouldered Man Could Carry 7, No, 9 Whole Parrots

Improv Theater’s Corporate Workshops Help Employees Realize Things Could Always Be Worse

Woman Can Always Tell Period Coming By Way Doors Slam Shut, Lights Flicker

Signs Your Significant Other Might Be Cheating On You

Actors Describe Their Most Dangerous Action Movie Stunts

Shocking Things No One Told You About Childbirth

Richest Billionaires In The World And How They Avoid Paying Taxes

Bad News Gamers: Kirby Has Been Expelled From The Garden Of Eden After Inhaling Fruit From The Tree Of Knowledge

Great News, ‘God Of War’ Fans! A New Expansion Pack Will Allow Kratos To Teach Atreus How To Wash The Area Beneath His Foreskin

Disgusting: This Gamer Isn’t Even Washing His Controller After Each Button Press

At Long Last: Tetsuya Nomura Has Finally Revealed That Braising Is The Best Method For Cooking A Chocobo

Jay-Z’s Career Turns 25

Key Members Of The House January 6 Committee

Artist Profile: Doja Cat

Spice Girls’ Career Turns 25

Scarlett Johansson Sues Disney For Breach Of Contract That Guaranteed ‘Black Widow’ Would Never Be Released

MTV Turns 40

‘Jungle Cruise’ Hailed As Thrilling Reminder To Cancel Disney+

DaBaby Apologizes For Leaving Jews Out Of Offensive Rant

Fans Criticizing Simone Biles For Not Being There For U.S. Women’s Soccer Team

Olympians Describe Their Biggest Heartbreaks At The Games

Frightened Olympic Divers Still Unable To Desynchronize Movements Days After Event

Cade Cunningham Unmotivated After Zero Teams Pass On Him In NBA Draft

U.S. Economy Surpasses Pre-Pandemic Size

Diamonds Swapped For Pebbles In $5.8 Million Heist

QR Codes Replace Traditional Menus

‘Arthur’ Cancelled After 25 Seasons