EntertainmentEx-Boyfriends Of Taylor Swift Give Advice To Travis KelceWith news spreading that Taylor Swift has formed a power couple with Kansas City Chiefs tight end Travis Kelce, the pop star’s fans are speculating on whether this relationship might be different from her past ones. The Onion asked Swift’s…
LocalCouple Pities Man Eating Alone Instead Of In Complete Silence With Person He Can’t Stand Anymore
LocalWhat To Say To A Child If They Don’t Believe In GodDiscussing spirituality with a young person can be difficult, and that might only become more difficult if they’re questioning the existence of a higher power. Here are some strategies on what to say to a child if they don’t believe in God.
LocalWildly Flailing Tree Clearly Exaggerating Reaction To BreezeKANSAS CITY, MO—Rolling their eyes as the tulip poplar they sat beneath began to rustle Monday, local witnesses reported that a wildly flailing tree was exaggerating its reaction to what was nothing more than a gentle breeze. “Ugh, can you believe…
Breaking NewsHistorians Reveal Original Draft Of Constitution Included 593 Mentions Of SpidersWASHINGTON—In a finding that sheds light on the particular concerns and interests of the Founding Fathers, historians at the National Archives revealed this week that the original draft of the U.S. Constitution included 593 mentions of spiders.…
Breaking NewsNew Feel-Good TikTok Ad Campaign Features Stalker Who Would Have Never Met Child Bride Without App
LocalSmiling Dad Imagines Son Off At College Playing Video Games Alone Like He DidNEW BRUNSWICK, NJ—A pleasant, faraway expression overcoming his face, local father Matthew Worley reportedly smiled Friday as he imagined his 18-year-old son Mason off at college playing video games alone just like he did when he was in school.…
PoliticsRepublicans Explain Why They Should Be Trump’s Running MateWhile Donald Trump has yet to pick a running mate for 2024, several notable individuals are aggressively vying for the role. The Onion asked Republicans why they should be Trump’s VP, and this is what they said.
PoliticsSnickering Teen Angels Appear Before Mike Pence To Tell Him It’s Totally God’s Will To Keep Running For President
PoliticsZelensky Grabs Whatever Office Supplies He Can Get Hands On In Capitol, Saying He Needs It For War
Breaking NewsStudy Finds Drinking Children’s Blood No More Effective Than Regular Blood At Achieving Eternal Life
Breaking NewsCancer Researchers Tout Huge Strides In Fight Against 350-Foot-Tall Tumor Terrorizing Manhattan
EntertainmentBill Maher Returns To Show Over Fears Aging Fan Base Will Die Off Before Writers’ Strike Ends
