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Biggest Revelations From Ron DeSantis’ New Book ‘The Courage To Be Free’

On Feb. 28, 2023, HarperCollins will publish a memoir by controversial Florida governor and presidential hopeful Ron DeSantis. Here are the biggest revelations from his forthcoming campaign book The Courage To Be Free.

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Progressive In Year 2180 Blasts Gender Discrimination In Conscription Practices Of Nabisco’s Corporate Military

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911 Operator Likes To Let It Ring For Couple Seconds So Caller Doesn’t Get Impression They're Standing By Phone All Day

ELKTON, MD—In an effort to avoid appearing too desperate, local 911 operator Denise Sarris confirmed Tuesday that she likes to let the phone ring for a couple of seconds so her callers don’t get the impression that she’s just standing by the phone…

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Trump Slams Biden As America’s Most Flat-Assed President

PALM BEACH, FL—Calling into question whether he had the junk in the trunk necessary to lead the country, Donald Trump reportedly slammed President Joe Biden Wednesday as America’s most flat-assed president. “You won’t hear the media reporting on it,…

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‘So What Do You Do For Work?’ Says Man In Brilliant Opening Gambit Of Making Woman Love Him

HYDE PARK, NY—Moments after being seated at local establishment Stonehill Tavern, local man Jeremy Kilpatrick reportedly asked his date, “So what do you do for work?” in a brilliant opening gambit in the great game of making her love him. “So, wait,…

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Everything We Know About Elon Musk’s ‘Twitter Files’

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Twins Invent Secret Sex Move They Only Use With Each Other

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Rising Conservative Star Just Guy Wearing Nazi Armband And Crying

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Onion Explains: The International State Of Women's Rights Pt. 2

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Milo Yiannopoulos Fired From Kanye West’s 2024 Presidential Campaign

Right-wing extremist and former Marjorie Taylor-Green intern Milo Yiannopoulos was reportedly fired from Kanye West’s 2024 presidential campaign following a string of disastrous media appearances by West and rumored campaign infighting. What do you…

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Pros And Cons Of Refusing Service Based On Religious Beliefs

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Amish Horse Has Probably Never Used Cell Phone

Image for We Reunited Over 600 Former ‘Survivor’ Castaways And Learned Some Pretty Scary Lessons About Why Buildings Have Maximum Occupancy Limits

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We Reunited Over 600 Former ‘Survivor’ Castaways And Learned Some Pretty Scary Lessons About Why Buildings Have Maximum Occupancy Limits

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What We Know About Elon Musk’s Neuralink Human Trials

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Conservatives React To Ye’s Appearance On Infowars

After the renowned hip-hop artist praised Hitler and Nazis in an interview with Alex Jones, The Onion asked prominent conservatives how they felt about Ye’s appearance on Infowars.

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SWAT Team Busts Down Door Of Denver Woman’s Home To Apologize For Previous Raid

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Rat Mother Accused Of Savoring One Child Over Another

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New Square Feature Allows Customers To Tip With Bible Quote

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Man Deftly Downplays His Neighborhood To Coworker Thinking Of Moving There

BOSTON—Thinking quickly to devise a list of reasons why the area was not an ideal choice, local billing clerk Tim Connors, 33, managed to skillfully downplay the desirability of his neighborhood to a coworker who expressed an interest in potentially…

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Woman Embraces Holiday Spirit By Telling Strangers She Doesn’t Speak To Her Family

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‘It’s Not Too Bad,’ Says Man As Hot Sauce Begins Disintegrating Jaw

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Man Afraid To Get Tattoo In Case He Feels Differently About His Children In 10 Years

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What To Say To Someone Who Lost Money In The Crypto Crash

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Biden Signs Legislation To Avert Crisis Of Treating Rail Workers Like Humans

WASHINGTON—Praising the last-minute agreement to deny the laborers any sort of civility or respect, President Joe Biden signed legislation Friday to avert a crisis in which rail workers might have been treated like actual human beings. “We were only…

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Right-Wingers Criticize Kanye For Not Using Platform To Raise Awareness Of Lesser-Known Nazis

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Eric Adams Resumes Placing Mentally Ill People Into Audience Of ‘The Tonight Show’ Against Their Will

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Herschel Walker Quietly Asking Around For D.C. Abortion Clinic Recommendations

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Trump Disappointed After Holocaust Denier Tells Him Holocaust Never Happened

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Parents Explain How Affirmative Action Has Destroyed Their Children’s Future

With policies to help improve employment or educational opportunities for underrepresented groups coming under fire, The Onion asked parents to explain how affirmative action has destroyed their children’s future.