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Americans React To Brittney Griner Returning Home From Russia

WNBA star Brittney Griner, who had been imprisoned for months in Russia for transporting cannabis vape cartridges, was released in a prisoner swap. The Onion asked Americans what they thought about the basketball player securing her freedom and…

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Onion Sports’ NFL Week 14 Picks

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‘The Onion’ Has Accidentally Locked Ourselves Out Of Our Office In Solidarity With Striking ‘New York Times’ Workers

Today, reporters and editors of The New York Times began a one-day strike, as negotiations between their union and management failed to reach an agreement. Here at America’s Finest News Source, we are committed to supporting our fellow journalists,…

Americans React To Brittney Griner Returning Home From Russia

Onion Sports’ NFL Week 14 Picks

‘The Onion’ Has Accidentally Locked Ourselves Out Of Our Office In Solidarity With Striking ‘New York Times’ Workers

Elon Musk Worried He Won’t Have Enough Twitter Employees Left To Fire On Christmas Eve

Biggest Revelations From Ron DeSantis’ New Book ‘The Courage To Be Free’

Everything We Know About Elon Musk’s ‘Twitter Files’

Progressive In Year 2180 Blasts Gender Discrimination In Conscription Practices Of Nabisco’s Corporate Military

911 Operator Likes To Let It Ring For Couple Seconds So Caller Doesn’t Get Impression They're Standing By Phone All Day

Milo Yiannopoulos Fired From Kanye West’s 2024 Presidential Campaign

Pros And Cons Of Refusing Service Based On Religious Beliefs

Amish Horse Has Probably Never Used Cell Phone

We Reunited Over 600 Former ‘Survivor’ Castaways And Learned Some Pretty Scary Lessons About Why Buildings Have Maximum Occupancy Limits

What We Know About Elon Musk’s Neuralink Human Trials

Little Bummer Boy

Conservatives React To Ye’s Appearance On Infowars

SWAT Team Busts Down Door Of Denver Woman’s Home To Apologize For Previous Raid

New Square Feature Allows Customers To Tip With Bible Quote

Twins Invent Secret Sex Move They Only Use With Each Other

‘So What Do You Do For Work?’ Says Man In Brilliant Opening Gambit Of Making Woman Love Him

Rat Mother Accused Of Savoring One Child Over Another

Woman Embraces Holiday Spirit By Telling Strangers She Doesn’t Speak To Her Family

Man Deftly Downplays His Neighborhood To Coworker Thinking Of Moving There

Man Afraid To Get Tattoo In Case He Feels Differently About His Children In 10 Years

Trump Slams Biden As America’s Most Flat-Assed President

Rising Conservative Star Just Guy Wearing Nazi Armband And Crying

Right-Wingers Criticize Kanye For Not Using Platform To Raise Awareness Of Lesser-Known Nazis

Biden Signs Legislation To Avert Crisis Of Treating Rail Workers Like Humans

Herschel Walker Quietly Asking Around For D.C. Abortion Clinic Recommendations

Most Awesome Perks That Employees Who Work For Elon Musk Get

Most Popular Sex Toy In Every State

Banned Users React To Elon Musk Allowing Them Back On Twitter

CEOs Explain Why Their Brands Stopped Advertising On Elon Musk’s Twitter

Parents Explain How Affirmative Action Has Destroyed Their Children’s Future

Do Your Worst To Me, But I’ll Never Tell You Bastards Whether I Think Biden Should Run In 2024

American Presidents Serve 4-Year Terms

It’s Ageist To Suggest A Corpse Can’t Be A Great Leader

Money Is Tight This Week So Here's A Recipe For Five Tortilla Chips And Ketchup In A Bowl

Onion Explains: The International State Of Women's Rights Pt. 2

We Reunited Over 600 Former ‘Survivor’ Castaways And Learned Some Pretty Scary Lessons About Why Buildings Have Maximum Occupancy Limits

Georgians Explain Why They Are Voting For Herschel Walker

Onion Sports’ NFL Week 14 Picks

Jerry Jones Blasts Media For Trying To Make Segregation Look Bad

MLB Owners Hold Separate Meeting For Teams Actually Trying To Win Next Season

New World Cup Fan Frantically Searching Online For Any Information He Can Find On Country Of ‘United States’