News in BriefBuffalo Police Request Reinforcements Until Elderly-Man Rampages Fully ContainedBUFFALO, NY—Calling the various geriatric protestors the “greatest threat to officers thus far,” the Buffalo Police Department requested reinforcements Friday until the frail elderly men rampaging through their city were fully contained. “Due to the…
News in BriefDrew Brees Admits He Doesn’t Trust Black People Ever Since Falcons Linebacker Stole Football Straight Out Of His Hands
News in BriefPolice Chief Vows To Take Concrete Steps To Better Cover Up ViolenceLOS ANGELES—Promising swift action that would bring about much-needed change to the department, Los Angeles Police chief Michel Moore vowed Friday to take concrete steps to better cover up violence. “We’ve been as disturbed as anybody else that…
News in BriefFamily Left Elderly Grandmother To Die In Nursing Home But Not Like ThisMURFREESBORO, TN—Shocked to learn the grandmother of seven had died suddenly of Covid-19, a local family told reporters Friday they had left their elderly relative Beverly Foley to die in a nursing home, but not like this. “When we checked Nana into…
News in BriefOakland Athletics Stadium Immediately Converted Into Condos After Team Misses Rent PaymentOAKLAND, CA—As the moving trucks of new residents arrived outside the former Oakland Coliseum over the objections of team officials, the Oakland Athletics stadium was immediately converted into condos Friday after the team missed a rent payment. “We…
News In PhotosGeorgia Governor Orders Statue Of Robert E. Lee To Be Replaced With Larger Statue Of Robert E. Lee
NewsLetdown: Naughty Dog Says They Worked So Hard On ‘The Last Of Us II’s Amazing Cutscenes, They Only Had Time To Create A Basic Word Puzzler For Gameplay
News in BriefMark Zuckerberg Announces Virtual Roundtable With American Hate Groups To Better Understand How They Work
News in BriefRepublican Leaders Claim New Yorkers Will Greet U.S. Military As LiberatorsWASHINGTON—In response to continued unrest in the devastated region, Republican leaders reportedly claimed Thursday that New Yorkers would greet the United States military as liberators. “We have every reason to believe that the people of New York…
News in Brief‘I Will Not Be Censored,’ Yells Trump Chaining Himself To Phone Displaying Twitter Homepage
News in BriefBiden Campaign Fundraising Email Reminds Donors Sexual Assault Allegations Don’t Bury Themselves
News in BriefWoman Needs To Shut Up And Allow Man To Be AllyBOULDER, CO—Expressing frustration that she routinely wouldn’t allow him to finish his point without cutting him off, local graphic designer Julian Serra told reporters Friday there were times when his coworker Ericka Lerado really needed to just…
NewsMajor Relief: Blizzard Has Announced That ‘Overwatch’ Players Will Be Able To Carry Over Their Unlocked Skins And Emotes Into The Afterlife
NewsInspiring: CD Projekt Red To Immortalize Programmers Who Died Making ‘Cyberpunk 2077’ As NPCs So They Can Serve CD Projekt Forever
Sports News In BriefRoger Goodell Insists Martin Luther King Jr. Would Have Wanted 17-Game Football Season In Front Of Full Stadiums
Sports News In BriefAdam Silver Shows Solidarity With Players By Inserting Self As Milwaukee Bucks Point Guard
