OpinionTexans React To Deadly Heat WaveTexas residents are currently experiencing temperatures of up to 120 degrees Fahrenheit as a result of an extended “heat dome” hovering over the state. The Onion asked Texans how they felt about the deadly weather, and this is what they said.
LocalSingle Misogynist Ready To Settle Down And Hate One Woman For Rest Of His LifeHARRISONVILLE, MO—Admitting that he was getting older and it was time to take the next step, single misogynist Rudy Griffin told reporters Monday he was ready to settle down and hate one woman for the rest of his life. “I’ve been playing the field…
Breaking NewsGoodreads Now Only Permitting Reviews From People Who Haven’t Read The BookSAN FRANCISCO—In an effort to maintain the quality of the website, Goodreads.com announced Monday that it was now only permitting reviews from people who haven’t read the book.“We at Goodreads owe it to both authors and readers to stop people from…
Breaking News‘10 Palestinians Dead After Israeli Raid,’ Reads Headline That Could Have Run Any Week For Past 75 YearsNABLUS, WEST BANK—In a journalistic dispatch produced moments after the military operation, the headline ‘10 Palestinians Dead After Israeli Raid’ was published Wednesday as part of a news story that reportedly could have run any week for the…
LocalBizarre Airbnb Looks Like Someone Actually Lives ThereSAN DIEGO—Baffled by the homey ambiance of the two-bedroom condominium, vacationer James Shin told reporters Tuesday that the bizarre Airbnb he had rented for the weekend looked like someone actually lived there. “Weird—if I didn’t know any better,…
LocalHarmful Psychological Effects Of Pornography Nothing Compared To When Man Masturbates Using Imagination
CommentaryAlso, I Shouldn’t Have To Disclose That I Had Sex With A Salmon | By Samuel AlitoBy Samuel Alito
