Random Uncle’s Wife Crying A Bunch Throughout Grandma’s Funeral

BROOMALL, PA—Confusing several immediate members of the family of Sophia Lindbergh with her flamboyant sorrow, grieving relatives confirmed Tuesday that a random uncle’s wife was “sure crying a bunch” throughout their grandma’s funeral. “Wow, that lady’s really losing it there. Grandpa isn’t even crying that much,”…

Border Patrol Authorities, Militia In Tense Standoff Over Claim To Detain Migrant Family They Caught At Same Time

COLUMBUS, NM—Digging in their heels and refusing to stand down, U.S. Customs and Border Patrol authorities were caught in a tense standoff Monday with an independently armed militia over their mutual claim to have detained a migrant family that both groups caught at the same time. “The fact of the matter is that we…

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