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Farmer Caught Googling ‘What Is Corn’

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What Is The #KillYourDad Challenge?

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FDA Warns Americans To Take That Out Of Their Mouth This Instant

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Shigeru Miyamoto Gets Disturbingly Detailed About What He Would Do To Sonic The Hedgehog If He Ever Saw Him In Real Life

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Researchers Confirm Determined Seagull Finally Made It Into Outer Space

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Supreme Court Rules 5-4 To Ride Stephen Breyer Around Like A Horse

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Supreme Court Rules 5-4 To Ride Stephen Breyer Around Like A Horse

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Kavanaugh, Thomas Champion Creating Better Future For Next Generation Of Rapists

WASHINGTON—In a touching moment following Friday’s Supreme Court’s 5-4 decision overruling Roe v. Wade and eliminating the constitutional right to an abortion, Justices Brett Kavanaugh and Clarence Thomas reportedly championed the better future…

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Abortion Laws In Every State

The Onion provides in-depth coverage of how female reproductive rights are mangled, mutilated, and butchered at the state level.

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Nation’s Centrists Stubbornly Double Down On Claim That Roe v. Wade Not At Risk

NEW YORK—Asserting there was no need to worry about the highly unlikely outcome, the nation’s centrists reportedly doubled down Friday on their claim that Roe v. Wade was not at risk. “People are blowing this whole idea of overturning Roe completely…

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Excerpts From Ginni Thomas’ Emails Attempting To Overturn The 2020 Election

Local

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Woman Throws Away All The Food In Grocery Store So She Won’t Be Tempted

ORLANDO, FL—Taking stock of anything on the shelves that looked remotely fatty, fried, or processed, local woman Abby Harding reportedly threw away all the food in the grocery store Wednesday so she wouldn’t be tempted. “Oh no, no, no, I know…

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Whole Conversation Wasted Getting To Know New Neighbors Who Were Just Airbnb Guests

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Employee Always Complaining About No Time Off Suddenly Upset About Getting Fired

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Grandma Coughing Better These Days

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IT Guy Requests Employees Stop Placing Difficult-To-Remove Stickers On Him

Politics

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Texans Explain Why They Are Voting For Greg Abbott

After taking a hard-line stance on issues like abortion, trans rights, and gun control, Gov. Greg Abbott is up for reelection in Texas. The Onion asked supporters why they are voting for him, and this is what they said.