Breaking NewsNew Charges Suggest Trump Asked Mar-A-Lago Employee To Tape Over Security Footage With Rerun Of ‘Hong Kong Phooey’MIAMI—According to sources familiar with the case, new charges filed Thursday in the federal indictment against Donald Trump suggested that the former president instructed a Mar-a-Lago employee to tape over security footage with a rerun of Hong…
News In BriefCDC: ‘Definitely Too Hot Out To Wear A Condom’ATLANTA—Reminding the nation that many heat-related deaths and illnesses are preventable, the Centers for Disease Control issued a new guideline Thursday stating that it’s definitely too hot out right now to wear a condom. “With temperatures…
BasketballZion Williamson Confident He Can Be In Basketball Shape By Late 30sNEW ORLEANS—Responding to ongoing concerns from fans as well as the New Orleans Pelicans organization about his physical conditioning in a career thus far marred by injuries, power forward Zion Williamson expressed his confidence to reporters…
LocalWoman Will Always Remember Deceased Grandmother As Person Whose House Family Had To Visit SometimesBATTLE CREEK, MI—Vowing to never let her memory fade, local woman Victoria Caruso told reporters Friday that she would always remember her deceased grandmother as the person whose house her family had to visit sometimes. “Ever since I was a kid, my…
Breaking NewsCongress Allocates $55 Billion In Infrastructure Funding To Fill Holes Angry Boyfriend Punched In Nation
News In PhotosStaffer Waiting For Car Temporarily Leans Frozen Mitch McConnell Against Nearby Fire Hydrant
LocalWoman Desperately Trying To Unlock Phone With Face ID Like Old Man Begging Senile Wife To Recognize Him One Last TimeTULSA, OK—The emotion rising in her voice as she pleaded with the device, local woman Alexis Kirk was reportedly desperately trying to unlock her iPhone Thursday using Face ID like an elderly man begging his senile wife to recognize him one last…
Breaking NewsElderly Senators Amused To Discover Their Strokes Syncing UpWASHINGTON—Discovering the phenomenon as they all received emergency medical attention at the same time, several elderly senators reportedly found it amusing Thursday that their strokes seemed to be syncing up. “I’ve heard of this happening, but I…
PoliticsRaving Pete Buttigieg Launches Initiative To Build Möbius Highways Where Cars Can Drive For Infinity
Breaking NewsPoll Finds Majority Of Americans Would Prefer Tiny Little President Who Tap-Dances On Podium
PoliticsMarjorie Taylor Greene Presents Own Tasteful Boudoir Pictures In Congress To Contrast With Hunter Biden’s Un-American Smut
