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Texas Science Class Features Day Where Kids Can Execute Real-Life Inmate

HOUSTON—In what many were calling the most exciting day of the whole school year, a group of Texas fifth-graders reportedly spent their science class Wednesday executing real-life inmates. “It was so cool! We each got to put on rubber gloves, strap…

Opinion

Women Explain Why They Want To Have Elon Musk’s Babies

Local

Organized Woman Pre-Packs All Week’s Lunches Into Side Of Cheek

SAN DIEGO—Saying the practice helped her stay on track and organized each workday, local woman Beth Guerrero told reporters Wednesday she saves time by pre-packing all of her week’s lunches into the sides of her cheeks. “At first I was overwhelmed…

Local

Black Conservative Argues Transatlantic Slave Trade Was Result Of Fatherlessness In Black Community

STANFORD, CA—Offering a concise explanation for the complex interaction of economic forces that gave rise to the widespread enslavement of Africans, a Black conservative scholar argued Wednesday that the transatlantic slave trade was the result of…

Basketball

Ben Simmons Posts Video Of Himself Prepping For Season By Sitting On Bench In A Suit

BROOKLYN, NY—In an effort to drum up excitement and show fans that he was taking his preseason training seriously, Brooklyn Nets power forward Ben Simmons posted a video to Instagram Wednesday in which he is seen prepping for the season by sitting…

Opinion

Small Group Of Parents Explains Why They Are Responsible For 60% Of Book Bans

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Local

New Clinic Provides Drug Users With Free Scolding

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This Week's Most Viral News: September 29, 2023

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Federal Government Announces They’ve Hidden Briefcase Full Of Slavery Reparations Somewhere In Continental U.S.

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Grandma Scammed By Every Piece Of Technology In House

SPRINGDALE, UT—Claiming the overly trusting elderly woman was being taken advantage of more and more, family sources told reporters Monday that grandmother Gladys Murphy had been scammed by every piece of technology in her house. “I don’t know how…

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Report: Sister Just Sitting On Boyfriend’s Lap Right There At Family Dinner

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Senator Dianne Feinstein, Trailblazer In Being Old, Dead At 90

WASHINGTON—Having been alive as far back as 1933, Sen. Dianne Feinstein of California, a trailblazer in being old, died Thursday night at age 90. “Sen. Feinstein, born Dianne Goldman, started off young but through hard work and dedication rose…

Politics

Report: Government Shutdown Could Imperil Hundreds Of Americans Currently At Top Of Federally Funded Ferris Wheels

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Snickering Teen Angels Appear Before Mike Pence To Tell Him It’s Totally God’s Will To Keep Running For President

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Generation Derek: Born Between 5:04 And 5:05 P.M. On April 9, 1980, Meet The Generation That’s Just One Guy

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Björk Sells Music Catalog Rights To Forest Elf In Exchange For Enchanted Crystal Toad

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Hayao Miyazaki Announces Return To Filmmaking After Big Time Screwup At New HVAC Installation Job

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NFL Players Suspended For Violating DraftKings Terms Of Use

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Texas Science Class Features Day Where Kids Can Execute Real-Life Inmate

Women Explain Why They Want To Have Elon Musk’s Babies

Organized Woman Pre-Packs All Week’s Lunches Into Side Of Cheek

Black Conservative Argues Transatlantic Slave Trade Was Result Of Fatherlessness In Black Community

Ben Simmons Posts Video Of Himself Prepping For Season By Sitting On Bench In A Suit

Small Group Of Parents Explains Why They Are Responsible For 60% Of Book Bans

How The American Diet Has Changed Over Time

New Clinic Provides Drug Users With Free Scolding

‘I Used To Float, Now I Just Fall Down,’ Crying Kevin McCarthy Sings Under Breath

Ex-Boyfriends Of Taylor Swift Give Advice To Travis Kelce

Covid Vaccine Pioneers Win Nobel Prize

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Unsound System

It Clear Which Half Of Couple Forced Into Marathon

Sex Moves You Should Never Try To Copy From Porn

Federal Government Announces They’ve Hidden Briefcase Full Of Slavery Reparations Somewhere In Continental U.S.

New App Connects Users Too Tired To Get Out Of Bed With Gig Worker Who Will Turn Off Their Lights

Report: U.S. Economy Loses $5 Billion Every Year To Americans Rising For National Anthem

Grandma Scammed By Every Piece Of Technology In House

Report: Sister Just Sitting On Boyfriend’s Lap Right There At Family Dinner

Couple Pities Man Eating Alone Instead Of In Complete Silence With Person He Can’t Stand Anymore

White Women Explain Why They Love Fall

What To Say To A Child If They Don’t Believe In God

Senator Dianne Feinstein, Trailblazer In Being Old, Dead At 90

Report: Government Shutdown Could Imperil Hundreds Of Americans Currently At Top Of Federally Funded Ferris Wheels

Snickering Teen Angels Appear Before Mike Pence To Tell Him It’s Totally God’s Will To Keep Running For President

Republicans Explain Why They Should Be Trump’s Running Mate

DNC Concerned After Poll Shows Only 15% Of Americans Have Heard Name Joe Biden

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Wyoming Announces It Now Adults Only

U.S. Mint Releases Collection Of Coins Featuring Child Molester From Every State

54-Year-Old Facebook User Wins Nobel Prize For Own Extensive Internet Research Into Dangers Of Covid Vaccine

Chiefs Fans React To Travis Kelce Dating Taylor Swift

Florida Students Reveal How ‘Don’t Say Gay’ Made Them Straight

Harpies Bizarre

Signs Touting ‘Autoworkers For Trump’ At Michigan Rally Found To Be Fake

New ‘Great British Baking Show’ Season Breaks Boundaries With First-Ever Yorkshire Pudding Contestant

Generation Derek: Born Between 5:04 And 5:05 P.M. On April 9, 1980, Meet The Generation That’s Just One Guy

Björk Sells Music Catalog Rights To Forest Elf In Exchange For Enchanted Crystal Toad

Hayao Miyazaki Announces Return To Filmmaking After Big Time Screwup At New HVAC Installation Job

NFL Players Suspended For Violating DraftKings Terms Of Use

Free Agent Kyrie Irving Excited To Alienate All Potential Options

Vegas-Area Pawn Shop Celebrates Being 6 Weeks Away From Owning Stanley Cup

Tyreek Hill Surprised To Discover Assault Illegal In Florida