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Things To Never Say To A ‘Vanderpump Rules’ Fan

After a cheating scandal in their 10th season left viewers reeling, the cast members of reality show Vanderpump Rules reunited this week to air grievances, defend their decisions, and hopefully provide some sort of conclusion for their fans. Many…

Baseball

Child Snatches Foul Ball Away From Adult Who Could’ve Really Used The Win

Local

Man Who Went To Grocery Store Horny Leaves With Way Too Many Overripe Melons

GROVELAND, CA—Saying he knew he’d made a mistake the second he looked down at his shopping cart in the checkout line, local man Travis Fischer begrudgingly admitted to reporters Wednesday that he had purchased way too many overripe melons after…

Breaking News

Ford Unveils New 4-Lane SUV

DEARBORN, MI—Touting the new offering as the latest in safety, driving efficiency, and comfort, Ford officials unveiled Wednesday their new four-lane SUV. “Our all-new 2024 Ford Explorer 4XLT offers premium interior flexibility at a reasonable price…

Breaking News

Eli Lilly Unveils Insulin That Doesn’t Work On Poor People

INDIANAPOLIS—Announcing that landmark new laboratory methods had made the once dreamed-of medication a reality, pharmaceutical company Eli Lilly unveiled insulin Wednesday that doesn’t work on poor people. “Thanks to our proprietary advancements in…

Opinion

Exclusive Interview With Robert F. Kennedy Jr.

Local

Excited Parents Inform Only Child He’s Going To Have A Little Competitor For Their Love And Attention

Opinion

Fans React To Apple’s New VR Headset

Watch

Bee Fact: Did You Know?

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‘Oppenheimer’ Given Surprise R Rating For Title Character’s Near-Constant Full-Frontal Nudity

Breaking News

Arlington National Cemetery Boosts Tourism By Adding Zip Line

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Local

Parents Explain Why They Oppose ‘Woke’ Universities

“I don’t want my 18-year-old daughter being exposed to the concept of respect.”

Local

Frightened Man Momentarily Forced To Engage With Reality In Between TV Episodes

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Christian Couple Ends Fight With Passionate Makeup Abstinence

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Politics

Conservatives Reveal Why They’re So Triggered By Pride Merchandise

After threatening boycotts of companies and violence against retail workers, conservatives explain why they’re so triggered by products celebrating Pride Month.