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Things To Never Say To Someone Taking Ozempic

Target Scales Back Pride Section To Single T-Shirt Saying They’d Do A Threesome With A Girl For Their Boyfriend’s Birthday

Jimmy Carter Wins Boxing Match Against Jake Paul

ATLANTA—The heavily anticipated fight between the former U.S. president and the YouTube personality ended in a TKO Thursday night as Jimmy Carter won his debut boxing match against Jake Paul. The cruiserweight match, first announced in early April,…

Breaking News

World Rejoices As Batch Of New Billionaires Descends From Sky

SAN JOSE, CA—Cheering with open arms and smiling faces tilted upward, the world reportedly rejoiced Friday as a new batch of billionaires descended from the sky. “Joyous day! A new batch of elite billionaires comes from on high to bless us with…

Local

Report: There Just Something Dark And Intriguing About Man With Serious Personality Disorder

WESTFORD, MA—Admitting that she couldn’t fully describe the enigmatic allure that drew her to him, local woman Laura Saracen told reporters Wednesday there was just something dark and intriguing about 34-year-old Tyler Evans, a man with a serious…

Opinion

Men Explain What Consent Means

American Voices

Denver Nuggets’ Rocky Revealed As NBA’s Highest-Paid Mascot With $625,000 Salary

Basketball

Nikola Jokic: ‘Basketball Is Boring’

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This Week's Most Viral News: June 2, 2023

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Guy Who Sucks At Being A Person Sees Huge Potential In AI

SAN MATEO, CA—After spending the past three decades of his life being totally unable and unwilling to engage in any meaningful way with the world around him, James Parker, a local guy who sucks at being a person, told reporters Thursday that he saw…

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Conservatives Reveal Why They’re So Triggered By Pride Merchandise

After threatening boycotts of companies and violence against retail workers, conservatives explain why they’re so triggered by products celebrating Pride Month.