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Trump Campaign Reminds Supporters To Make Voting Intimidation Plan

WASHINGTON—Urging the public to triple check the location of their local polling place and be ready to harass those around them, the Trump campaign reminded supporters Wednesday to avoid being blindsided this Nov. 3 by making a voting intimidation…

News in Brief

Doctor Informs Patient Weird Lump On Neck Nothing He Can Afford To Worry About

The Topical

High Crime Rate Leading More Inmates To Consider Moving Out Of Prison

Hear where the nation’s incarcerated plan to flee in order to start a safer, quieter life.

News in Brief

New Stimulus Bill Would Require All Americans To Mail Government $1,200 Check

WASHINGTON—Members of Congress and the White House reportedly reached a deal Tuesday on a long-awaited new coronavirus stimulus bill that would require all Americans to mail the government a $1,200 check. “The new bipartisan legislation will go a…

Sports News In Brief

Sam Darnold Pissed He Forgot To Bench Self On Fantasy Team

FLORHAM PARK, NJ—Expressing concern that he’s already out of the playoff hunt after a brutal 2-4 start to the season, injured Jets quarterback Sam Darnold was reportedly annoyed Wednesday after forgetting to bench himself on his fantasy team this…

News in Brief

Highly Informed Voter Has Spent Weeks Studying Trump, Biden Yard Signs

News in Brief

Experts Predict Covid-19 Vaccine Could Be Ready As Soon As Team Of Sled Dogs Traverse Yukon With It

News in Brief

Paleontologists Unearth Rare, Mint-Condition Triceratops Skull In Goodwill Bin

News in Brief

New Store Going To Have To Earn Place On Strip Mall Sign

News in Brief

Trump Attempts To Soften Image Before Election By Adopting Dead Dog

News in Brief

ISIS Brat Hates Having To Keep Changing Schools Whenever Dad Gets New Deployment

Illustration for Wawaweewa! iBorat Subsequent Moviefilm/i Is Here And 2020 Is Officially The Best Year In History!

Wawaweewa! Borat Subsequent Moviefilm Is Here And 2020 Is Officially The Best Year In History!

Politics

News in Brief

Amy Coney Barrett Promises Catholic Faith Won’t Interfere With Court’s Crushing Of The Poor, Downtrodden

WASHINGTON—In an effort to assure critics during her Senate confirmation hearing for the Supreme Court, Judge Amy Coney Barrett promised Monday that her Catholic faith’s tenets of generosity and humanity would not interfere with her duty on the…

News in Brief

Right-Wing Militia Wondering When Someone Will Notice They’ve Been Holding J.B. Pritzker Hostage For Months

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How Trump Can Beat Biden

News in Brief

‘Poll Watching Is Not Voter Intimidation,’ Trump Supporter Whispers Into Ear Of Man Filling Out Ballot In Voting Booth

News in Brief

‘Thank God I Voted Absentee In Whatever Dumb Ohio Town I’m From,’ Say Brooklyn Residents

The Topical

High Crime Rate Leading More Inmates To Consider Moving Out Of Prison

The Topical

Report: Friends Don’t Really Think Of You As Part Of Group

The Topical

CDC Reclassifies Majority Of Covid-19 Deaths To Being Personally Murdered By Barack Obama

Local

News in Brief

Man Cannot For The Life Of Him Understand Why Wife Enjoys TV Show Marketed Toward Married 30-50-Year-Old Women

TAOS, NM—Admitting that he “didn’t get the hype” over the serialized drama, local man Connor Sharp revealed Friday that he could not for the life of him understand why his wife, Lauren, enjoys a television show marketed toward married women between…