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Senator Dianne Feinstein, Trailblazer In Being Old, Dead At 90

WASHINGTON—Having been alive as far back as 1933, Sen. Dianne Feinstein of California, a trailblazer in being old, died Thursday night at age 90. “Sen. Feinstein, born Dianne Goldman, started off young but through hard work and dedication rose…

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‘The Onion’ Looks Back On 90 Years Of Dianne Feinstein Dying

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U.S. Mint Releases Collection Of Coins Featuring Child Molester From Every State

WASHINGTON—Unveiling a commemorative series created in honor of the nation’s most renowned pedophiles, the U.S. Mint announced the release Friday of a new collection of coins that featured a child molester from every state in the union. “This fun,…

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Dogs React To Commander Biden Biting Another Secret Service Officer

Following the 11th instance in which President Joe Biden’s younger dog nipped at member of the federal law enforcement agency, The Onion asked dogs what they thought about Commander Biden biting another Secret Service officer, and this is what they…

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Trader Joe’s Adds New Fitting Rooms Where Customers Can See How Food Will Look In Their Mouth

MONROVIA, CA—Announcing that renovations had been made to all 560 locations, grocery chain Trader Joe’s confirmed this week that they had added fitting rooms so customers could see how their food would look in their mouths. “Too often, a customer…

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This Week's Most Viral News: September 29, 2023

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