The FDA gave makers of popular vaping devices 60 days to prove they can keep them away from minors or face them being taken off the market, saying their use has reached an “epidemic” level. What do you think?
BUENOS AIRES—Explaining that the event was “always a complete waste of time,” German chancellor Angela Merkel admitted to reporters Friday that she was only attending this stupid work conference for the free trip to Argentina. “I was totally planning to blow off this whole dumb business trip until I found out they…
BUENOS AIRES—Saying the hour-long presentation based on His Royal Highness’ own professional experience was really enlightening, member leaders at the G20 Summit attended the Saudi Crown Prince’s informative seminar Friday on eliminating dissident journalists. “He really explained things in simple terms that any head…
ATLANTA—Noting that late-season gimmicks have often had dire results for past series, fans of zombie drama The Walking Dead found themselves divided this week concerning a recent crossover episode featuring legendary basketball team the Harlem Globetrotters. “It was a nice touch of whimsy when the Globetrotter’s bus…
ROCKLAND, ME—Noting your undergraduate minor in data systems, a qualification which he claims makes you uniquely suited for the job, a corporate recruiter happened to notice your background in computer science and thought you might be interested in working part-time at a Kohl’s department store in Sioux City, IA,…
CHICAGO—Concerned about the welfare of the “cold and kind of lonely-looking” submissive chained to a street sign outside of a coffee shop, sympathetic passersby discussed the ethics Friday of leaving one’s gimp tied to a pole while one buys a latte. “It’s really cold out here, especially with this wind, and the poor…
As I lie here, my vision starting to fade, I know I likely will not live to see my home again. The approach of death is terrifying, to be sure, but scarier still is leaving words unsaid to the woman I’ve spent so much of my life with. Should I not make it back to her in time, I need you to do something very important…
Academic tenure continues to decline in U.S. institutions of higher learning, as colleges increasingly look to reduce tenure-track positions in favor of more flexibility in spending. The Onion examines at the pros and cons of giving teachers tenure.
Throughout high school, Brian Hoffman was relentlessly mocked and bullied just for liking comic books and computer games. Ten years later, it turns out that being a geek really pays off in dividends: Eat your hearts out, bullies, because today Brian is an adult who owns several Funko Pop figurines.
A Pew Research Center survey found that the number of undocumented immigrants living in the U.S. has reached a 12-year low of 10.7 million, continuing a decade-long decline influenced by the recession and increased security measures. What do you think?
More than a decade after she became the first female speaker of the House, Nancy Pelosi is poised to again fill the role of majority leader for the Democrats. What do you think?
LOS ANGELES—In a discovery poised to overturn years of climate science research, a study released Thursday by UCLA’s Department of Oceanology revealed that rising sea levels are the result of an expansive colonization effort by the world’s dolphins. “It appears that much of the sea level rise attributed to global…
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