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Highlights Of The Massive Antitrust Lawsuit Against Facebook

Illustration for All The News That 83-Year-Old Tabitha Williams Wants To Hear, As She’s The Only Listener Who Pledged More Than $25 To The Topical’s Patreon This Month

The Topical: All The News That 83-Year-Old Tabitha Williams Wants To Hear, As She’s The Only Listener Who Pledged More Than $25 To The Topical’s Patreon This Month

Looking Back On The Onion’s First 15,000 Years Of Coronavirus Coverage

Illustration for The Shirt Hits The Fans

Editorial Cartoon: ‘The Shirt Hits The Fans’

Slideshow

‘The Onion’ Salutes The Courageous Legislators Determined To Overturn The Will Of Voters

Thank you for bravely standing up to the American voters.

News

‘The Onion’ Reveals The 2020 Walton Goggins Of The Year Is Walton Goggins

News in Brief

Mom Flatly Informs 30-Year-Old Son He’s Getting 3 Sweaters And A Nintendo Switch For Christmas

WILMINGTON, DE—Dispensing with any air of formality, local mother Linda Southerton flatly informed her 30-year-old son James that he would be getting three sweaters and a Nintendo Switch for Christmas, sources confirmed Friday. “Hi, here’s what I’m…

News

Heartless: This Family That Escaped Their Burning House Just Completely Abandoned Their PS5

Gamers, usually it’s our pleasure to bring you exciting updates on the latest advances in video games, but sometimes we have no choice but to share something truly heinous. Today, it’s our sad duty to report on this heartless family that escaped…

News in Brief

FTC Calls For Facebook To Break Up Married Couple’s Weird Shared Account

WASHINGTON—Following a five-year investigation into their joint social media presence, the Federal Trade Commission announced Friday it was seeking an injunction that would require Facebook to break up the really weird shared account belonging to…

The Topical

All The News That 83-Year-Old Tabitha Williams Wants To Hear, As She’s The Only Listener Who Pledged More Than $25 To The Topical’s Patreon This Month

News in Brief

Taylor Swift Fans Furious After Artist Excluded From ESPN’s List Of Best NBA Players Of 2020

Illustration for Literary Scholars Discover First Draft Of ‘A Christmas Carol’ Where All 4 Ghosts Show Up At Once And Just Beat The Shit Out Of Scrooge

News in Brief

Literary Scholars Discover First Draft Of ‘A Christmas Carol’ Where All 4 Ghosts Show Up At Once And Just Beat The Shit Out Of Scrooge

Politics

Infographic

Pros And Cons Of Political Polling

While polling has been a staple of presidential races for decades, high-profile polling errors in the last two presidential races have left some questioning their effectiveness. The Onion looks at the pros and cons of political polling.

News in Brief

Donald Trump Jr. Refuses To Step Down From Post Of President’s Oldest Son

News In Photos

Stress Of Presidency Already Ages Biden 10 Years

News in Brief

QAnon Followers Frustrated After Q Calls For Respecting Election Results, Uniting Behind Biden

News in Brief

Supreme Court Strikes Down Obama’s Personal Health Insurance Policy

The Topical

All The News That 83-Year-Old Tabitha Williams Wants To Hear, As She’s The Only Listener Who Pledged More Than $25 To The Topical’s Patreon This Month

The Topical

Rising Coronavirus Cases Force Chicago To Set Up Temporary Bars In Hospitals

Illustration for Barack Obama Enrolls In Self-Defense Classes After Trump Rolls Back Secret Service Protection For Former Presidents Named Barack Obama

The Topical

Barack Obama Enrolls In Self-Defense Classes After Trump Rolls Back Secret Service Protection For Former Presidents Named Barack Obama

The Con Pays Off: After Years Of Feigning Interest, George R.R. Martin Has Bolted From The ‘Elden Ring’ Offices With All The Topless Elf Concept Art His Arms Can Carry

News

Deal Alert: This Kid Has All The Coolest Games, And You Can Play Them At His House If You Can Get Over How Weird He Is

News

Gamers, We Pulled Some Strings And We’re Pleased To Announce That The Common Loon Is Now Officially The Gaming Bird

News

Ah, Shoot: We Forgot To Drain Our Xbox Over The Weekend And Now All The Game Fluid Leaked Out

Videos

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5 Things To Know About ‘Mank’

Clothing Tips For Cold Weather

Tips For Using Google Maps

How Trump Is Challenging The Election Results

Entertainment

Horoscopes

Your Horoscopes — Week Of November 10, 2020

Sports

Sports News In Brief

Desperate VH1 Greenlights New Reality Show ‘Basketball Acquaintances’

Sports News In Brief

Stir-Crazy Nick Saban Builds Assistant Coach To Scream At In Quarantine

Sportsgraphic

Fantasy Football Week 13: Start ’Em, Sit ’Em

Sports News In Brief

Rob Gronkowski Thrilled After Purchasing Rare, Game-Worn Rob Gronkowski Jersey

Opinion

American Voices

Man With 90-Year Sentence For Marijuana Released From Prison

American Voices

Guy Fieri Raises $21.5 Million For Unemployed Restaurant Workers

American Voices

Pantone Unveils 2 Colors Of The Year For 2021

American Voices

Highlights Of The Massive Antitrust Lawsuit Against Facebook

The Topical: All The News That 83-Year-Old Tabitha Williams Wants To Hear, As She’s The Only Listener Who Pledged More Than $25 To The Topical’s Patreon This Month

Looking Back On The Onion’s First 15,000 Years Of Coronavirus Coverage

Editorial Cartoon: ‘The Shirt Hits The Fans’

‘The Onion’ Salutes The Courageous Legislators Determined To Overturn The Will Of Voters

‘The Onion’ Reveals The 2020 Walton Goggins Of The Year Is Walton Goggins

Mom Flatly Informs 30-Year-Old Son He’s Getting 3 Sweaters And A Nintendo Switch For Christmas

Heartless: This Family That Escaped Their Burning House Just Completely Abandoned Their PS5

FTC Calls For Facebook To Break Up Married Couple’s Weird Shared Account

All The News That 83-Year-Old Tabitha Williams Wants To Hear, As She’s The Only Listener Who Pledged More Than $25 To The Topical’s Patreon This Month

Taylor Swift Fans Furious After Artist Excluded From ESPN’s List Of Best NBA Players Of 2020

Literary Scholars Discover First Draft Of ‘A Christmas Carol’ Where All 4 Ghosts Show Up At Once And Just Beat The Shit Out Of Scrooge

‘I Am Immortal!’ Screams 90-Year-Old British Woman Embarking On Epic Post-Vaccination Bender

CDC Announces Everyone Who Will Receive Vaccine Has Already Been Notified

Health Officials Struggling To Secure Enough Dry Ice, Laser Lights For Special Effects-Heavy Vaccine Rollout

Aspiring Lobbyist Gets Foot In Door As State Senator

Pros And Cons Of Political Polling

Donald Trump Jr. Refuses To Step Down From Post Of President’s Oldest Son

Stress Of Presidency Already Ages Biden 10 Years

QAnon Followers Frustrated After Q Calls For Respecting Election Results, Uniting Behind Biden

Supreme Court Strikes Down Obama’s Personal Health Insurance Policy

All The News That 83-Year-Old Tabitha Williams Wants To Hear, As She’s The Only Listener Who Pledged More Than $25 To The Topical’s Patreon This Month

Rising Coronavirus Cases Force Chicago To Set Up Temporary Bars In Hospitals

Barack Obama Enrolls In Self-Defense Classes After Trump Rolls Back Secret Service Protection For Former Presidents Named Barack Obama

Alternate Price Of Book In Canadian Dollars Gives Man Little Window Into What Life Would Be Like If He Were Canadian

Facts Carefully Redacted From Travel Story To Avoid Revealing It Mission Trip

Mom Completely Understands That Coming To Thanksgiving Is Risky And That You Don’t Love Her Anymore

Brief Viewing Of BET Ushers Caucasian Into Alternate World Of African American Advertisements

‘Daddy, I’m Hungry!’ Says 27-Year-Old Bursting Into Background Of Father's Video Conference

What To Read While Social Distancing

10 Breathtaking Photos That Perfectly Capture The Unwavering Spirit Of Scissors

How To Stay Connected To Others During Social Distancing

11 Simple Cocktail Recipes To Try While Quarantining

The Con Pays Off: After Years Of Feigning Interest, George R.R. Martin Has Bolted From The ‘Elden Ring’ Offices With All The Topless Elf Concept Art His Arms Can Carry

Deal Alert: This Kid Has All The Coolest Games, And You Can Play Them At His House If You Can Get Over How Weird He Is

Gamers, We Pulled Some Strings And We’re Pleased To Announce That The Common Loon Is Now Officially The Gaming Bird

Ah, Shoot: We Forgot To Drain Our Xbox Over The Weekend And Now All The Game Fluid Leaked Out

5 Things To Know About ‘Mank’

Clothing Tips For Cold Weather

Tips For Using Google Maps

How Trump Is Challenging The Election Results

Your Horoscopes — Week Of November 17, 2020

Fans Concerned After Oprah’s Favorite Things List Just 6-Pack Of Miller Lite

Michelle Obama Fuming After Barack Also Titles New Memoir ‘Becoming’

Your Horoscopes — Week Of November 10, 2020

Desperate VH1 Greenlights New Reality Show ‘Basketball Acquaintances’

Stir-Crazy Nick Saban Builds Assistant Coach To Scream At In Quarantine

Fantasy Football Week 13: Start ’Em, Sit ’Em

Rob Gronkowski Thrilled After Purchasing Rare, Game-Worn Rob Gronkowski Jersey

Man With 90-Year Sentence For Marijuana Released From Prison

Guy Fieri Raises $21.5 Million For Unemployed Restaurant Workers

Pantone Unveils 2 Colors Of The Year For 2021

Man Named William Shakespeare Is One Of First in England to Receive Coronavirus Vaccine