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Man At Beach Worried Wife Hasn’t Surfaced For Air Because She Cheating On Him

PORT ARANSAS, TX—Suspecting the worst, local man Daniel Koleva reportedly spent several panicked moments during his beach trip Friday worried that his wife, Bethany Koleva, hadn’t surfaced for air yet because she was cheating on him. “There’s no…

Aveeno Unveils Moisture-Locking Facial Breading Treatment

NEW BRUNSWICK, NJ—Touting the product as the best solution for those suffering from chronic dry skin, Aveeno reportedly unveiled on Friday a new moisture-locking facial breading treatment. “The Aveeno Breading Spa kit keeps your skin healthy and…

Politics

Matt Gaetz Takes Out Half-Page Ad In House Bill Congratulating Teen Girl On High School Graduation

WASHINGTON—Shelling out $55 for the loving tribute, Rep. Matt Gaetz (R-FL) reportedly took out a half-page ad in a House bill Friday to congratulate a local teen girl on her high school graduation. “Congrats, Kayla, so proud of you, punkin!” read…

Cartoons

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Goofy Beats Ron DeSantis To Death With Crowbar

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Grandma Asks For Help Looking Up Rule 34 Images

WAUKEGAN, IL—Explaining that she wasn’t so good with all the technology that was out there these days, local grandmother Beatrice Rowland asked her grandson Dan Larkin for help looking up Rule 34 images, sources confirmed Thursday. “Honey, could you…

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