It’s Shameful That We Continue To Pay College Athletes Nothing While The Whistle Industry Reaps Massive Profits From Their Labor

Ever since I was a kid, I’ve been obsessed with college sports. Over the years, I’ve bonded with my buddies as we watched last-second comebacks and heart-wrenching defeats, cheering on our favorite teams. These days, though I remain a diehard North Carolina Tar Heels fan, I’ve reached a point where I can no longer…

Report: New ‘The Handmaid’s Tale’ Season Focuses On Dangers Of Feminism Run Amok

SANTA MONICA, CA—Speaking about the upcoming episodes of the Hulu series at a press event, producers of The Handmaid’s Tale announced Monday that the second season would focus on the serious dangers posed by feminism run amok. “Fans of The Handmaid’s Tale are going to be thrilled to be back in the totalitarian…

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Bowing Out: Justin Timberlake Has Retired From Singing After Realizing That You Can Just Work In An Office

One of pop music’s most iconic superstars just announced that he’s stepping away from the microphone for good. Earlier today, Justin Timberlake issued a statement letting the world know that he’s retiring from singing after realizing you can just work in an office.

Wow. This is truly the end of an era.

‘Nothing Is More Attractive Than Confidence,’ Says Woman Who Has Apparently Never Seen Sonic The Hedgehog Cosplay

DENVER, CO—Naively insisting that we seek partners with the confidence to be comfortable in their own skin, Denver systems analyst Jennifer Thomas, 32, stated Monday that “nothing is more attractive than confidence,” clearly demonstrating that she has never seen Sonic the Hedgehog cosplay. “Being secure with who you…