Breaking NewsOrcas Explain Why They Are Attacking BoatsFollowing numerous incidents in the Strait of Gibraltar, The Onion asked orcas to explain why they are attacking and sinking boats, and this is what they said.
LocalEmployees Disgusted By Frail, Malformed Child Produced By Forbidden Relationship Between 2 CoworkersPORTLAND, OR—Noting that this was precisely why such relationships were prohibited by human resources, employees at Celera Solutions reportedly grew disgusted Friday at the sight of the frail, malformed child produced by a forbidden relationship…
Breaking News56 Dead At New Six Flags Fire ParkEUREKA, MO—Shock waves hit the St. Louis–area community Friday when at least 56 people reportedly died at the grand opening of the new Six Flags Fire Park. “Tragically, more than a dozen people lost their lives or sustained life-threatening injuries…
Breaking NewsPolice Release Novelty Wild West Photo With Mass ShooterSANDUSKY, OH—Following a mass shooting at an area mall that left 12 dead and another seven wounded, law enforcement officials released to the public Friday a novelty Wild West photo of the suspect they had taken into custody. “Thanks to the actions…
MagazineThis Year’s Best Father’s Day Gifts That Will Make Dad Absolutely Mumble ‘Thanks’ While Staring At TV
Breaking NewsNew Guided Mental Breakdown App Directs User To Throw Vase Through WindowSAN JOSE, CA—Marketed with the claim that in just 15 minutes a day the service can completely ruin a person’s life, a new guided mental breakdown app directs users to throw a vase through the nearest window, sources reported Thursday. “Manically…
Breaking NewsWhat Investigators Found In Trump’s Secret DocumentsFormer President Donald Trump faces 37 federal counts after being indicted for holding classified documents at his Mar-a-Lago resort in Florida, where he had boxes of records in a bedroom, a ballroom, and next to a toilet. The Onion has gained…
Breaking NewsInternet Divided Over Video Of Black Cop Shooting White Cop Who Was Choking Out Racist White Woman Who Called Police On Black Teenagers
MagazineThis Year’s Best Father’s Day Gifts That Will Make Dad Absolutely Mumble ‘Thanks’ While Staring At TV
