The Onion | America's Finest News Source.

2 hrs ago

Editorial Cartoon

“Stocking” Up

8:00 AM

8 Most Popular College Majors

EntertainmentNews in Brief

6:30 AM

7:30 AM

EntertainmentNews in Brief

6:30 AM

EntertainmentNews in Brief

National Association Of Corpses Express Outrage At Still-Living Actors Getting Cadaver Roles On ‘CSI,’ ‘Law & Order’

EntertainmentHoroscopes

6:00 AM

7:00 AM

EntertainmentHoroscopes

6:00 AM

EntertainmentHoroscopes

Your Horoscopes — Week Of December 10, 2019

SportsSports News In Brief

12/9/19

4:46 PM

SportsSports News In Brief

12/9/19

SportsSports News In Brief

Russian Olympic Program Denies Steroids Played Role In 8-Year-Old Gymnast Hurling Balance Beam Through Wall To Escape

EntertainmentNews in Brief

12/9/19

4:02 PM

EntertainmentNews in Brief

12/9/19

EntertainmentNews in Brief

Apologetic Justin Timberlake Presents Jessica Biel With Severed Hand Of Alisha Wainwright To Prove Loyalty

1:21 PM

Massive Pro-Democracy Protest Rocks Hong Kong

12/9/19

1:06 PM

PoliticsNews in Brief

12/9/19

PoliticsNews in Brief

12/9/19

PoliticsNews in Brief

Trump Offers Hunter Biden Job In Energy Department Based On Oil Industry Experience

WASHINGTON—Touting his impressive record of serving on the board of a notable natural gas company, President Donald Trump offered Hunter Biden a job in the U.S. Department of Energy Monday based on his experience in the oil industry. “Given his unparalleled background in this sector, I am pleased to have Hunter Biden…

PoliticsNews in Brief

12/9/19

12:58 PM

PoliticsNews in Brief

12/9/19

PoliticsNews in Brief

So-Called Ronald Reagan Presidential Library Looks Nothing Like Him

Onion Gamers NetworkInfographic

12/9/19

11:06 AM

Onion Gamers NetworkInfographic

12/9/19

Onion Gamers NetworkInfographic

Best PS4 Games Out Right Now

8:00 AM

Antiques Shop Owner Only Thousands Of Sales Away From Avoiding Bankruptcy

7:30 AM

Learned Coworker Always Has Heard Good Things About Whatever Piece Of Media Being Discussed

7:00 AM

The Week In Pictures – Week Of December 9, 2019

10:00 AM

House Passes Bill To Limit Robocalls

PoliticsNews in Brief

12/6/19

4:01 PM

PoliticsNews in Brief

12/6/19

PoliticsNews in Brief

Pete Buttigieg Blames Inability To Disclose Political Stances On NDA With Buttigieg Campaign

3:27 PM

Nearly 700,000 To Lose Food Stamps With USDA Work Requirement

2:29 PM

World Wildlife Fund Apologizes After Years Of Working With Well-Known Whale Pedophile

1:56 PM

10 Mistakes New Parents Always Make

EntertainmentNews in Brief

12/6/19

1:53 PM

EntertainmentNews in Brief

12/6/19

EntertainmentNews in Brief

Cabal Of Handsome Male Celebrities Agrees To Continue Withholding Baldness Cure From Public And Jude Law

12/6/19

1:06 PM

PoliticsNews In Photos

12/6/19

PoliticsNews In Photos

12/6/19

PoliticsNews In Photos

Apologetic Justin Timberlake Presents Jessica Biel With Severed Hand Of Alisha Wainwright To Prove Loyalty

Russian Olympic Program Denies Steroids Played Role In 8-Year-Old Gymnast Hurling Balance Beam Through Wall To Escape

National Association Of Corpses Express Outrage At Still-Living Actors Getting Cadaver Roles On ‘CSI,’ ‘Law & Order’

More From The Onion

8 Most Popular College Majors

Your Horoscopes — Week Of December 10, 2019

So-Called Ronald Reagan Presidential Library Looks Nothing Like Him

Trump Offers Hunter Biden Job In Energy Department Based On Oil Industry Experience

5 Things To Know About ‘Playmobil: The Movie’

Tips For Moving Out Of The Country

Tips For Staying Healthy During The Holiday Season

“Stocking” Up

8 Most Popular College Majors

National Association Of Corpses Express Outrage At Still-Living Actors Getting Cadaver Roles On ‘CSI,’ ‘Law & Order’

Your Horoscopes — Week Of December 10, 2019

Russian Olympic Program Denies Steroids Played Role In 8-Year-Old Gymnast Hurling Balance Beam Through Wall To Escape

Apologetic Justin Timberlake Presents Jessica Biel With Severed Hand Of Alisha Wainwright To Prove Loyalty

Massive Pro-Democracy Protest Rocks Hong Kong

Trump Offers Hunter Biden Job In Energy Department Based On Oil Industry Experience

So-Called Ronald Reagan Presidential Library Looks Nothing Like Him

Best PS4 Games Out Right Now

Antiques Shop Owner Only Thousands Of Sales Away From Avoiding Bankruptcy

Learned Coworker Always Has Heard Good Things About Whatever Piece Of Media Being Discussed

The Week In Pictures – Week Of December 9, 2019

House Passes Bill To Limit Robocalls

Pete Buttigieg Blames Inability To Disclose Political Stances On NDA With Buttigieg Campaign

Nearly 700,000 To Lose Food Stamps With USDA Work Requirement

World Wildlife Fund Apologizes After Years Of Working With Well-Known Whale Pedophile

10 Mistakes New Parents Always Make

Cabal Of Handsome Male Celebrities Agrees To Continue Withholding Baldness Cure From Public And Jude Law

Trump Orders National Christmas Tree Be Cut To One Inch Shorter Than He Is

Apologetic Justin Timberlake Presents Jessica Biel With Severed Hand Of Alisha Wainwright To Prove Loyalty

Russian Olympic Program Denies Steroids Played Role In 8-Year-Old Gymnast Hurling Balance Beam Through Wall To Escape

National Association Of Corpses Express Outrage At Still-Living Actors Getting Cadaver Roles On ‘CSI,’ ‘Law & Order’

More From The Onion

8 Most Popular College Majors

Your Horoscopes — Week Of December 10, 2019

So-Called Ronald Reagan Presidential Library Looks Nothing Like Him

Trump Offers Hunter Biden Job In Energy Department Based On Oil Industry Experience

Apologetic Justin Timberlake Presents Jessica Biel With Severed Hand Of Alisha Wainwright To Prove Loyalty

Apple Introduces Eggplant Emoji Covered In Sores

Your Horoscopes — Week Of December 10, 2019

“Stocking” Up

8 Most Popular College Majors

National Association Of Corpses Express Outrage At Still-Living Actors Getting Cadaver Roles On ‘CSI,’ ‘Law & Order’

Your Horoscopes — Week Of December 10, 2019

Russian Olympic Program Denies Steroids Played Role In 8-Year-Old Gymnast Hurling Balance Beam Through Wall To Escape

Apologetic Justin Timberlake Presents Jessica Biel With Severed Hand Of Alisha Wainwright To Prove Loyalty

Massive Pro-Democracy Protest Rocks Hong Kong

Trump Offers Hunter Biden Job In Energy Department Based On Oil Industry Experience

So-Called Ronald Reagan Presidential Library Looks Nothing Like Him

Best PS4 Games Out Right Now

Antiques Shop Owner Only Thousands Of Sales Away From Avoiding Bankruptcy

Learned Coworker Always Has Heard Good Things About Whatever Piece Of Media Being Discussed

The Week In Pictures – Week Of December 9, 2019

House Passes Bill To Limit Robocalls

Pete Buttigieg Blames Inability To Disclose Political Stances On NDA With Buttigieg Campaign

Nearly 700,000 To Lose Food Stamps With USDA Work Requirement

World Wildlife Fund Apologizes After Years Of Working With Well-Known Whale Pedophile

10 Mistakes New Parents Always Make

Cabal Of Handsome Male Celebrities Agrees To Continue Withholding Baldness Cure From Public And Jude Law

Trump Orders National Christmas Tree Be Cut To One Inch Shorter Than He Is