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Conservatives Explain How Pride Has Gone Too Far

Following numerous boycotts of companies that show support for the human beings in the LGBTQ community, The Onion asked conservatives to explain how pride has gone too far, and this is what they said.

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‘You Better Not Talk,’ Trump Warns Classified Document

PALM BEACH, FL—Gritting his teeth as he spoke, former President Donald Trump reportedly said “You better not talk” Friday in a stern warning to one of the classified documents at the center of his recent federal indictment. “I mean it—if you utter…

Breaking News

GOP Megadonor’s Bat-Wielding Goons Remind Clarence Thomas He Still Owes Him 500 Rulings

WASHINGTON—Casually sweeping a line of picture frames off an entryway table onto the floor with a crash, the bat-wielding goons of an anonymous GOP megadonor reportedly visited Clarence Thomas Friday to remind him that he still owes their employer…

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Conservatives Reveal Why They’re So Triggered By Pride Merchandise

After threatening boycotts of companies and violence against retail workers, conservatives explain why they’re so triggered by products celebrating Pride Month.