1-800-EAT-SHIT Finally Publishes Decades Of Reckless-Driving Data

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NEW YORK—Releasing the records in hopes of reducing automobile accidents nationwide, 1-800-EAT-SHIT on Tuesday finally published decades of reckless-driving data. “These documents catalogue millions of reported moving violations from the sticker’s debut in 1987 and provide valuable information that hopefully will help keep everyone safer on the road,” said head researcher Lydia Cattalone, explaining that the reports based on the hotline calls, breaking down the frequency with which motorists forgot to signal, sped through toll booths, and cut other drivers off over a 30-year period, could potentially decrease automobile deaths by up to 15 percent. “When we first proposed the idea of a bumper sticker as a means of data collection, it was considered rather unorthodox, but it has paid off with a massive repository of vital information. We, of course, would like to thank all of our volunteer respondents, whose passionate and consistent reporting made the whole 1-800-EAT-SHIT project possible.” Cattalone went to say that any peer reviewers seeking to challenge the survey’s methodology or criticize its findings can also call the number.