34-Year-Old Woman Anxiously Realizes She Doesn’t Have Much Time Left To Have Career

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Sarah Jean Bleicher looks out the window from her office.

AUSTIN, TX—Worrying that if she didn’t have one soon she might not be able to have one at all, local 34-year-old Sarah Jean Bleicher told reporters Wednesday she realized she doesn’t have much time left to have a career. “The clock is ticking—if I’m going to have a career, I can’t put it off much longer,” said Bleicher, adding that some of her friends from college were already on their second career. “Sure, I guess it’s possible to have one later in life, but it gets so much harder as you get older. I have to face the real possibility that I might wind up careerless for the rest of my life, with no long-term occupational pursuit to nurture and devote myself to. God, that’s sad.” At press time, Bleicher said she was considering settling for a company that she only found somewhat attractive but that was eager to commit to her and help her develop professionally.