PORTLAND, ME—Richly imagining the wide range of his favorite activities that would be available once he returned home, local 29-year-old Jeff Deeran reportedly spent all of Monday fantasizing about the six hours that he would utterly squander after work. “Oh man, that’s going to be sweet, sweet, sweet,” Deeran said as he sent off another work email, pausing to visualize the period of utter personal freedom that he would instead throw away on puttering around his apartment in a glazed-over state, checking TikTok for one full hour, and finally creating a detailed plan to sign up for a Starz streaming trial that would let him watch 2014 drama Foxcatcher before deciding it wasn’t worth his time and instead falling asleep. “Once that clock hits six, I’m going to head straight back to my place and [just do absolutely nothing. Nothing at all. I mean, maybe I’ll heat up a frozen pizza, if I really feel inspired. Best case scenario, I’ll rewatch half an episode of Frasier for reasons that aren’t even clear to me]. Boy oh boy, I can’t wait.” Upon returning home, Deeran reportedly spent the whole six hours picturing how much he would enjoy simply going to sleep on time, which he then also failed to do.
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