8th Cat Acquired In Hopes Of Easing Tension Between First 7 Cats

Illustration for article titled 8th Cat Acquired In Hopes Of Easing Tension Between First 7 Cats

MARINA DEL REY, CA—Aiming to reduce the ongoing household conflict, local woman Alice Jordan reportedly acquired an eighth cat Monday in the hopes of easing tensions between the first seven. “Things have been pretty difficult around here, especially since Cupcake and Egg formed their own bloc to fight against the other kitties, but I think this cat will finally allow them all to live harmoniously,” said Jordan, noting that a new kitten should provide a welcome distraction from the long-running hostility between Bagel, Noodles, and Marshmallow. “At the very least, this should stop them all from ganging up on Cheddar and stealing her food. And I know, I know, I thought things would calm down a few months ago once I brought Pretzel in, but I could never have predicted that she’d just be a massive asshole. This time I’m pretty sure I’ve cracked it.” At press time, the new cat had already killed two of Jordan’s pet rabbits.