SlideshowMost Awesome Perks That Employees Who Work For Elon Musk GetSometimes, it’s not so bad to work for the shitposter-in-chief. Here are the coolest things employees get who work for Elon Musk.
SlideshowGeorgians Explain Why They Are Voting For Herschel WalkerThis November, Herschel Walker will be on the ballot to represent Georgia in the U.S. Senate. The Onion asked Georgians why they are voting for the Republican and former NFL player, and this is what they said.
News In BriefGod Releases New Peppermint-Flavored Chipmunks For The HolidaysTHE HEAVENS—Touting His latest majestic creation as the ideal recipe for wintertime fun, the Almighty God, He Who Reigneth Omnipotent in Heaven and Earth, released new peppermint-flavored chipmunks on Wednesday. “Just in time for the holidays, these…
News In BriefMom Doing Full-Time, Unpaid PR For Some Disney+ Show About WhalesWAYNESVILLE, OH—Launching what appeared to be a fully coordinated social media campaign to alert family and friends to the program, sources told reporters Wednesday that local mother Teresa Sheradon was apparently doing full-time, unpaid PR now for…
SlideshowThings Former Twitter Employees Said About Elon Musk That Got Them FiredRule No. 1 of working at Twitter? Do not insult the chief twit. Here are things that former employees said about Elon Musk that immediately got them fired.
News In BriefNation’s Old Men Announce Plans To Wake Up At 5 A.M. And Argue With Other Old Men Around Table At McDonald’s
News In BriefCouple Struggling To Get Pregnant Taking It As Sign That They Should Keep Trying Until Relationship ImplodesPORTSMOUTH, NH—Saying they had to be realistic about what their current situation entailed, married couple Brett and Hannah Steinwald told reporters Tuesday that they were taking their struggle to get pregnant as a sign that they should keep…
News In BriefPolice Team-Building Scavenger Hunt Challenges Officers To Arrest Someone From Every Race
SlideshowRepublican Lawmakers React To Anti-LGBTQ Violence“It’s a damn shame that we have to hear about it.”
News In BriefRaphael Warnock Loses All Faith In God After Being Forced Into Runoff Against Herschel Walker
SlideshowWhat Americans Dread The Most About The HolidaysWith the season upon us, The Onion asked Americans to share what they dread the most about the holidays.
SlideshowParents Explain How Affirmative Action Has Destroyed Their Children’s FutureWith policies to help improve employment or educational opportunities for underrepresented groups coming under fire, The Onion asked parents to explain how affirmative action has destroyed their children’s future.
RoundtableDo Your Worst To Me, But I’ll Never Tell You Bastards Whether I Think Biden Should Run In 2024
FootballOnion Sports’ NFL Week 12 PicksOnion Sports shares its expert analysis on the teams that will come away with victory in the NFL’s week 12 games.
News In BriefBritish World Cup Attendees Accused Of Smuggling Alcohol Into Stadium Through Bloodstreams
