Paul Ryan Worried History May Judge Him Harshly For Failure To Confront Tyrannical Food Stamp Abusers

WASHINGTON‚ÄĒExpressing concern that he had not done enough to stop the oppressive Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program, House Speaker Paul Ryan told reporters Wednesday that he was worried history may judge him harshly for his failure to confront the ruthless tyranny of government food stamp abusers. ‚ÄúWhat will I‚Ķ

Mueller Reveals Russia Investigation Just Elaborate Sting To Nail Clinton Child Sex-Slavery Ring

WASHINGTON‚ÄĒLauding President Trump for his invaluable role in the operation, Special Counsel Robert Mueller informed the public Wednesday that his so-called Russia investigation was in fact merely a cover for an elaborate sting to bring down the Clinton family‚Äôs child sex-slavery ring. ‚ÄúThe Justice Department has‚Ķ

Papa John’s Founder Launches New Chain Of Fast-Casual Segregated Lunch Counters

LOUISVILLE, KY‚ÄĒIn an effort to turn over a new leaf after being ousted from his own company last week, Papa John‚Äôs founder John Schnatter announced plans Wednesday to launch a new chain of fast-casual segregated lunch counters across the Deep South. ‚ÄúI just want to get back to the basics of making good, home-cooked‚Ķ

Bill & Melinda Gates Shocked To Learn Ghanaian School Never Intended To Pay Back Money Lent To Them

SEATTLE, WA‚ÄĒCalling their intended investment ‚Äú$20 million down the goddamn drain,‚ÄĚ philanthropist Bill Gates and wife Melinda released a statement Wednesday saying they were shocked to learn that the Akantome Elementary School in Ejura, Ghana had neither a plan in place nor indeed any intention to return funds‚Ķ

World Wonders What Trump Has On United States That’s Forcing Nation To Keep Him In Power

EARTH‚ÄĒAssuming the controversial president of the United States must be in possession of potentially damning information concerning his home country in order to keep them so completely under his control, the rest of the world wondered aloud Tuesday about exactly what Trump has on America that compels the nation to‚Ķ

Distraught Mueller Burns Every Piece Of Evidence In Case After Hearing Trump’s Critique Of U.S. Intelligence Community

WASHINGTON‚ÄĒTossing a lit match on the assemblage of kerosene-doused case files, transcripts, and seized hard drives, Special Counsel Robert Mueller burned every piece of evidence in his investigation into 2016 election interference Tuesday after hearing President Trump‚Äôs pointed critique of the U.S. intelligence‚Ķ

Supporters Praise Trump For Upholding Traditional American Value Of Supporting Murderous Dictators For Political Gain

WASHINGTON‚ÄĒIn the aftermath of the president‚Äôs controversial meeting with Russian president Vladimir Putin in Finland, supporters reportedly praised Donald Trump Tuesday for upholding the traditional American value of supporting murderous dictators for political gain. ‚ÄúIt is a proud moment in American history to‚Ķ