The Onion | America's Finest News Source.

America's Finest News Source.

3/20/19

11:50 AM

Literary Historians Uncover Collection Of Breezy, Upbeat Edgar Allan Poe Writings Penned After Author Took Up Jogging

3/20/19

11:26 AM

LocalNews In Photos

LocalNews In Photos

LocalNews In Photos

Dog Blocks Off Afternoon To Lick Spot On Floor Where Owner Once Dropped Pepperoni

American Voices

3/20/19

11:02 AM

American Voices

American Voices

One Million Pounds Of Pork Seized At New Jersey Port

3/20/19

10:56 AM

Biggest Drug Busts In U.S. History

American Voices

3/19/19

5:29 PM

American Voices

American Voices

Facebook Removes 1.5 Million Videos Of New Zealand Mass Shooting

3/19/19

4:29 PM

Historians Uncover Lost Socrates Dialogues Where He Just Gave Up And Started Screaming That Opponent A Fucking Brainwashed Shill

3/19/19

3:59 PM

Scotland Yard Frees 163-Year-Old British Man After DNA Evidence Clears Him Of Being Jack The Ripper

American Voices

3/19/19

3:24 PM

American Voices

American Voices

Yelp-Like App Helps Trump Supporters Find MAGA-Friendly Restaurants

3/19/19

2:55 PM

Disney Rehires Director James Gunn As Part Of Company-Wide Push Towards Embracing Pedophilia

3/19/19

2:31 PM

Facebook: ‘Identifying Hate Speech Is Difficult Because Some Posts Actually Make Pretty Interesting Points’

3/19/19

2:04 PM

5 Things To Know About Pete Buttigieg

LocalNews in Brief

3/19/19

12:53 PM

LocalNews in Brief

LocalNews in Brief

Grossed-Out Anti-Abortion Activist Has Change Of Heart After Seeing Picture Of Fetus For First Time

3/19/19

11:22 AM

Scientists Discover Dangerous Link Between Book Learnin’, Back Talk

3/19/19

9:21 AM

Editorial Cartoon

Editorial Cartoon

Editorial Cartoon

The Green New Meal

EntertainmentHoroscopes

3/19/19

9:13 AM

EntertainmentHoroscopes

EntertainmentHoroscopes

Your Horoscopes — Week Of March 19, 2019

American Voices

3/18/19

5:27 PM

American Voices

American Voices

Officials: Clear Similarities Between Boeing 737 Max 8 Crashes

Onion Gamers NetworkNews in Brief

3/18/19

5:21 PM

Onion Gamers NetworkNews in Brief

Onion Gamers NetworkNews in Brief

Man Wasting His Life Playing Video Games When There Whole World Of Other Screens Out There

3/18/19

3:31 PM

Apple Announces Tim Cook Mini

PoliticsNews in Brief

3/18/19

2:26 PM

PoliticsNews in Brief

PoliticsNews in Brief

Trump Vows To Bring Back Ohio Town’s White Castle

SportsSports News In Brief

3/18/19

2:13 PM

SportsSports News In Brief

SportsSports News In Brief

NCAA Launches Investigation Into Why It Wasn’t Making Millions Off Recent College Admissions Scandal

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