Sanders Supporters Viciously Attack Bernie Sanders After He Criticizes Mistakes Of 2016 Sanders Campaign

BURLINGTON, VT—Expressing their utter disgust and disappointment over the candidate’s remarks, supporters of presidential contender Bernie Sanders went on the attack Thursday, laying into the Vermont senator for his criticism of mistakes made by the 2016 Bernie Sanders campaign. “These deeply misguided comments make…

I Will Personally Destroy The Chances Of Any 2020 Candidate Who Doesn’t Get Their Picture Taken Eating At Culver’s

Since we opened our first location in Sauk City, WI in 1984, Culver’s has become a beloved institution across the Midwest. Folks love to stop in for a hearty, cooked-to-order meal with family or friends, and our restaurants are pillars of the communities they serve. While it seems unlikely that any serious candidate…

Diplomatic Pete Buttigieg Quickly Changes Subject From Politics At Town Hall To Avoid Arguments

AMES, IA—Attempting to redirect the conversation to a more neutral topic that would prevent anyone from getting too worked up, a diplomatic Pete Buttigieg quickly changed the subject Wednesday when politics came up at a town hall event. “Hey, I get asked about political stuff all the time—let’s find something else to…

Self-Conscious Man Clearly The Only One In Japanese Restaurant Unsure How To Use Water Glass

SAN DIEGO—Mortified at his lack of familiarity with the seemingly mundane utensil, local diner Thad Jenkins succumbed to paralyzing self-consciousness Wednesday upon realizing that he was the only patron of Japanese restaurant Azuki Sushi who was unclear on the proper use of his water glass. “I kept sneaking little…

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