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‘Oh God, What Happened Last Night?’ Says Groggy Mike Pence After Waking Up In Same Bed As Wife

WASHINGTON—Experiencing a rising sense of dread as he opened his eyes Friday morning and noticed the woman asleep beside him, a groggy and confused Vice President Mike Pence reportedly muttered, “Oh God, what happened last night?” upon waking up in the same bed as his wife. “This is Karen’s bed—what have I done?” said…

Veteran Congressman Can Still Remember When Inaction On Gun Violence Actually Presented A Moral Dilemma

WASHINGTON—Thinking back to a far simpler time, veteran congressman Chuck Grassley (R-IA) told reporters Thursday that he could still remember when his inaction on gun violence actually presented a moral dilemma. “I can still recall how, years ago, deciding not to take any steps to address universal background checks…

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John Kelly Apologizes For Assuming Everyone Would Ignore Abuse Allegations Like They Do In Military

WASHINGTON—Amid criticism of how long he waited to terminate the employment of Rob Porter, White House Chief of Staff John Kelly apologized Wednesday for assuming everyone would just ignore the abuse allegations against the staff secretary the way they always do in the military. “I am deeply sorry for thinking you…