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Worst Pieces Of Sex Advice From Women’s Magazines

While publications like Cosmopolitan might seem like infallible sources of coital knowledge, the truth is, many of the tips they give are downright disgusting, dangerous, and wrong. The following are some of the worst pieces of sex advice ever…

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Most Popular New Year’s Resolution By State

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‘America Is The Greatest Country On Earth,’ Says Man Who Spends 6 Hours A Day Posting About How Every City Third World Hellhole

MOORESVILLE, IN—Purporting to be proud to reside in the U.S., local resident Jeff Chapman, who spends six hours a day posting about how every city in the nation is a third world hellhole, reportedly stated, “America is the greatest country on Earth,”…

Local

Things To Never Say To A Fan Of Bill Maher

Bill Maher is a self proclaimed “old-school liberal” comedian who has come under fire for his controversial views on race, religion, and sexuality. If you know someone who is a Bill Maher fan, here are things you should absolutely never say to them.

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Lauren Boebert Offers To Personally Jerk Off Any Constituents She Offended

WASHINGTON—In an effort to address voters hurt by recent actions that resulted in her being thrown out of a theatrical performance, Rep. Lauren Boebert (R-CO) announced Friday that she would personally jerk off any constituents she offended. “In…

Entertainment

Ex-Boyfriends Of Taylor Swift Give Advice To Travis Kelce

Opinion

Right-Wing Men Explain Why They Refuse To Eat Vegetables

Image for Hayao Miyazaki Announces Return To Filmmaking After Big Time Fuckup At New HVAC Installation Job

Entertainment

Hayao Miyazaki Announces Return To Filmmaking After Big Time Screwup At New HVAC Installation Job

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Boomers Try To Define The Word ‘Rizz’

Scientist Explains How Climate Crisis Would Be Averted If Greta Thunberg Just Tried A Little Harder

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Man Calls Around Looking For Donation Center That Will Come Pick Up Bulkier Sperm

CLEVELAND—Explaining that he had no way of transporting it to the drop-off location even if he wanted to, local man Jason Gardner told reporters he spent Tuesday calling around looking for a donation center that would come and pick up bulkier…

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Senators Reveal Best Places To Have Sex In Capitol

After footage leaked of a congressional staffer having sex in hearing room used by the Senate Judiciary Committee, The Onion asked senators to reveal the best places to have sex in the capitol, and this is what they said.