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Biggest Lies Americans Are Taught About The 4th Of July

While Independence Day can be a time of patriotic celebration, reports show many Americans still believe myths and outright lies about the origins of the national holiday. Here are the biggest lies Americans are taught about the Fourth of July.

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NASA Announces Plan To Put Moon On Mars By 2040

Baseball

Nation Unable To Enjoy Baseball Without Dozens Of Pitchers Hitting .124

LEE’S SUMMIT, MO—Lamenting that it would never again be able to relish the game as it was intended, the nation reportedly admitted Friday that it was unable to enjoy baseball without dozens of pitchers hitting .124. “How am I supposed to find these…

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Elmo Receives Vasectomy In PSA On Preventing Unwanted Pregnancies

NEW YORK—In an effort to raise awareness of the medical procedure after the Supreme Court’s overturning of Roe v. Wade, Sesame Workshop released a public service announcement Thursday on preventing unwanted pregnancies that featured Elmo receiving a…

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What To Know About Cassidy Hutchinson And Her January 6 Testimony

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Nude Justice Breyer Leaves Supreme Court After Turning In His Robes

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Taco Bell Testing New Menu Items With Oversized Cheez-It

Golf

Phil Mickelson: ‘Taking Money From The Saudis Leaves Less Money For The Next 9/11’

Baseball

Nation Unable To Enjoy Baseball Without Dozens Of Pitchers Hitting .124

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Americans Discuss Whether Biden Should Run Again

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Supreme Court Casually Mentions Nation Now Divided Into Six Provinces Ruled By Conservative Justices

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Migrant Imprisoned At Border Should Weep In English

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Man Disgusted After Shining Blacklight On Ejaculating Penis

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Hospital Vaporized By Powerful Blast Of Energy Released From Splitting Conjoined Twins

JOHNSTOWN, OH—In a devastating surgical disaster of cataclysmic proportions, a local hospital was vaporized Wednesday by a massive, uncontainable blast of energy released from the splitting of conjoined twins. “We saw a bright flashing light, and…

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Guy Being Electrocuted Embarrassed Everyone Can See His Whole Skeleton Right Now

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Losing Custody Of Kids Only Makes Single Dad More Appealing

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Friends Always Trying To Set Up Single Woman With New Puzzle

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Man Hopes Nicely Dug Grave Will Get Him Back In Captors’ Good Graces

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Pete Buttigieg’s Locomotive Always Taking Up 2 Whole Parking Spots

WASHINGTON—Condemning the cabinet member for being so inconsiderate, Department of Transportation sources confirmed Wednesday that Pete Buttigieg’s locomotive was always taking up two whole parking spots. “You get one reserved parking spot, not two;…