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Guy Being Electrocuted Embarrassed Everyone Can See His Whole Skeleton Right Now

NASHVILLE, TN—Trying to shrink down lower into his chair, Riverbend Maximum Security Institution prisoner Bertram Ray told reporters Monday he is embarrassed that everyone can currently see his whole skeleton while he is being electrocuted. “It’s…

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Amazing In-Flight Perks That Airlines Had In The 1960s

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Therapist Not That Invested In Patient But Likes Having Her On In Background

CHICAGO—Calling the short, 30-minute appointment windows the “perfect white noise” to zone out to, local therapist Thea Tucker confirmed Monday that she wasn’t really invested in her patient but liked having her on in the background. “Don’t get me…

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Fisher-Price Plastic Food Giving Kids Unrealistic Expectation That There Will Be Enough Food

EAST AURORA, NY—In a severe backlash from parents on social media, toy manufacturer Fisher-Price was hit with criticism Monday over their plastic food reportedly giving kids unrealistic expectations that there will be enough food. “The people who…

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CEO Doesn’t Expect Any Upcoming Layoffs Employees Deserve To Know About

SAN FRANCISCO—Assuring his staff that he would always be as open and honest with them about the business as necessary, Edgemere Media CEO Michael Breznick confirmed Monday that he didn’t expect any upcoming layoffs that employees deserved to know…

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Realistic Concept Art For New Luxury Condos Features Homeless Man Getting Arrested

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Woman At Potluck Disappointed After No One Even Tried Napkins She Brought

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Study Finds Women 32% More Likely To Die After Surgery Performed By Male Janitor

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Kavanaugh, Thomas Champion Creating Better Future For Next Generation Of Rapists

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Nation’s Centrists Stubbornly Double Down On Claim That Roe v. Wade Not At Risk

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Anti-Abortion Advocate Excitedly Switches Focus To Shaming Young Unwed Mothers

DALLAS—In the wake of the Supreme Court’s 6-3 decision to overturn Roe v. Wade, local anti-abortion advocate Mary Firkins, 54, excitedly announced Friday that she would now switch her full-time attention to the shaming of young unwed mothers. “It’s…