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Al Pacino Excited To Spend Life Watching His Baby Grow Up To Be Toddler

BEVERLY HILLS, CA—Following reports that the 83-year-old actor was expecting a child with his girlfriend, Al Pacino told reporters Thursday that he was excited to spend his life watching his baby grow up to be a toddler. “I’m going to be there for…

Breaking News

Gay Pride Celebrations Across U.S.

Basketball

Boston Fan Doesn’t Have Slurs To Describe Disappointment In Celtics

BOSTON—Following a meltdown in the Eastern Conference Finals that saw his team lose the crucial Game 7 by 19 points to the eighth-seeded Miami Heat, local Boston Celtics fan Tim Atkinson told reporters Thursday that he didn’t have the slurs to…

Breaking News

Chick-Fil-A DEI Initiative Replaces All Chicken With Copies Of ‘How To Be An Antiracist’

ATLANTA—Urging customers to eat the book cover to cover, a new diversity, equity, and inclusion initiative introduced Thursday by fast food chain Chick-fil-A replaced all chicken with copies of How To Be An Anti-Racist. “In an effort to elevate…

Politics

Emotional Tim Scott Tells Supporters About Time He Was Followed Around Walgreens For Being Republican

CHARLESTON, SC—Opening up on the campaign trail about his personal experiences of overcoming adversity, an emotional Sen. Tim Scott (R-SC) told supporters Thursday about a time he was followed through the aisles of a Walgreens just for being…

Opinion

Men Explain What Consent Means

Image for Internet Divided Over Video Of Black Cop Shooting White Cop Who Was Choking Out Racist White Woman Who Called Police On Black Teenagers

Breaking News

Internet Divided Over Video Of Black Cop Shooting White Cop Who Was Choking Out Racist White Woman Who Called Police On Black Teenagers

Local

Guy Who Sucks At Being A Person Sees Huge Potential In AI

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Americans Describe What It's Like Surviving A Mass Shooting

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American Voices

‘Who Knows What Future Generations Might Judge Us For?’ Says Man Abducting Another Child To Strangle In Basement

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State Department Issues Travel Warning For Americans Visiting Chili’s

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CEO Outlines Challenges Company Facing Due To Own Insatiable Greed

RALEIGH, NC—Holding an all-hands meeting Tuesday morning to discuss first-quarter performance and set expectations for the rest of the year, local CEO Randall Schmidt reportedly outlined the challenges the company was facing due to his own…

Local

Man Never Knows Right Time In Job Interview To Go In For Kiss

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Man At Beach Worried Wife Hasn’t Surfaced For Air Because She Cheating On Him

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Breaking News

Obama Kills Self After Learning About ‘President Obummer’ Nickname

WASHINGTON—Calling the epithet a deeply painful way of talking about another human being, former President Barack Obama reportedly killed himself Wednesday after learning about the “President Obummer” nickname. “My Lord, have people really been…