A Guide To The USMCA Trade Deal

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The United States–Mexico–Canada Agreement, which would replace NAFTA as the act governing North American trade, has been ratified in both the U.S. and Mexico. The Onion takes a look at the most important components of the USMCA trade deal.


Stipulates at least 62.5% of all North Americans must be cars.

U.S.–Canada cow swap every other Saturday in Minnesota.

Both NAFTA and USMCA contain same number of vowels to make transition as smooth as possible.

Cash only.

Removes NAFTA’s hated truck nut tariff.

Significantly strengthens labor violations.

Intellectual property copyright terms extended to 70 years as personal favor to Jim Davis.

Completely revamps legal definition of what constitutes refried beans.

Agreement must be revisited in six years, no matter how cringey it is for the countries to look back at what they wrote when they were younger.