With many crimes now originating on encrypted areas of the internet, many wonder about the so-called dark web and its activities. The Onion provides a primer on this obscured digital space:

Q: How does one access the dark web?

A: Place a broken flowerpot outside your back door after midnight and await further instructions

Q: Is it completely anonymous?

A: No; new users must register with an active college email address

Q: What are the advantages of accessing such a private network?

A: Its users are not beholden to the regular internet’s stringent code of ethics and decency


Q: Why is it called the dark web?

A: Everyone involved agreed that it sounded pretty cool

Q: Where can I find a copy of 'Song Of The South'?

A: What kind of sicko are you?

Q: Who uses the dark web?

A: Arms dealers, pedophiles, drug dealers, the U.S. military, and other groups interested in keeping illicit activity private


Q: Are there naked pictures of me on there?

A: Thousands of them

Q: Does the dark web support human trafficking?

A: Yes, but no more so than purchases from Gap and Old Navy

Q: How are the authorities cracking down on the dark web?

A: The FBI has a comprehensive plan to bring down the dark web once and for all by first trying their level best to grasp how any of it works