Elvis Presley, iconic rock and roll singer, guitarist, and actor, died 40 years ago today. The Onion looks back on his life.
August 1935
Elvis Aaron Presley is born after a series of provocative hip thrusts from his parents
1956
Elvis is crowned King Of Rock N Roll following a swift, bloody military coup
March 1957
Elvis buys Graceland, a 14-acre, 8-toilet mansion in Nashville, TN
November 1957
Presley stars in Jailhouse Rock, a film that shines a light on prison overcrowding and the dangerous tendency of inmates to break into song and dance
March 1958
Presley is drafted into the U.S. Army despite an advanced case of the blues
1967
Some asshole introduces Elvis to painkillers
1969
Elvis begins performing in Las Vegas as part of an Elvis Presley tribute band
June 1970
During stage performances, Elvis begins wearing his iconic cape, jumpsuit, flippers, and scuba mask
December 1970
Elvis visits Richard Nixon’s White House for a landmark stealing-from-black-America summit
1973
Over 1 billion people tune in to watch Elvis: Aloha from Hawaii Via Satellite, and the Soviet Union responds by launching Ukrainian crooner Iosif Kobzon into low-earth orbit
1974
Elvis invents his namesake sandwich consisting of peanut butter, banana, and amphetamines
September 1977
Dave Rhodes, a portly insurance claims adjustor who keeps to himself, moves into his new ranch house in Mesa, AZ