A Timeline Of Elvis Presley’s Life

Elvis Presley, iconic rock and roll singer, guitarist, and actor, died 40 years ago today. The Onion looks back on his life.

August 1935

Elvis Aaron Presley is born after a series of provocative hip thrusts from his parents

1956

Elvis is crowned King Of Rock N Roll following a swift, bloody military coup

March 1957

Elvis buys Graceland, a 14-acre, 8-toilet mansion in Nashville, TN

November 1957

Presley stars in Jailhouse Rock, a film that shines a light on prison overcrowding and the dangerous tendency of inmates to break into song and dance

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March 1958

Presley is drafted into the U.S. Army despite an advanced case of the blues

1967

Some asshole introduces Elvis to painkillers

1969

Elvis begins performing in Las Vegas as part of an Elvis Presley tribute band

June 1970

During stage performances, Elvis begins wearing his iconic cape, jumpsuit, flippers, and scuba mask

December 1970

Elvis visits Richard Nixon’s White House for a landmark stealing-from-black-America summit

1973

Over 1 billion people tune in to watch Elvis: Aloha from Hawaii Via Satellite, and the Soviet Union responds by launching Ukrainian crooner Iosif Kobzon into low-earth orbit

1974

Elvis invents his namesake sandwich consisting of peanut butter, banana, and amphetamines

September 1977

Dave Rhodes, a portly insurance claims adjustor who keeps to himself, moves into his new ranch house in Mesa, AZ