As President Obama visits Cuba in an effort to restore diplomatic ties with the U.S., The Onion looks at pivotal moments in the tension-filled history of U.S.–Cuba relations.

  • April 1898: President William McKinley sends emissaries to Cuba as part of a whirlwind six-country hostile takeover tour
  • June 1960: U.S. aircraft airlift 10,000 tons of sugar out of Cuba
  • April 1961: The Bay of Pigs invasion is the first of several successful U.S. attempts to strengthen Fidel Castro’s power
  • October 1962: After an extremely close call, climate change begins to overtake nuclear war as the likeliest cause of mass human extinction
  • November 1963: CIA surprised after abandoned idea for Fidel Castro assassination attempt works on JFK on the first try
  • July 1969: CIA agent Neil Armstrong fails in a secret plot to assassinate Fidel Castro after missile fired from Apollo 11 burns up during entry into atmosphere
  • January 1974: Couple extra sanctions thrown in
  • 1993-1998: U.S., Cuba kind of forget about each other
  • December 2003: First annual Camp X-Ray Holiday Show
  • July 2014: Former Cuban refugee Elian Gonzalez wakes up from nightmare where he’s drowning again
  • March 2016: Obama eases tensions between the two countries by buying Raul Castro an ice cream helmet during game between the Tampa Bay Rays and the Cuban national baseball team
  • November 2081: Fidel Castro dies

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